My Guy is SOoo Pissed @ me

[holly316]

Where to begin? I have a friend of 18 years. We have been on and off dating for most of that time, and friends in between. In Oct. we started talking again, dating, spent the holidays and his b'day together, talked twice a day, made plans. (mostly him asking me) He always reaches a breaking point and leaves because I am not as affectionate or demonstrative as him. This time we were just going day to day. He says we are what we are, and he may never be able to accept my less emotional self. He loves me, but needs a partner who is into him 150% The past few times he left me right after the holidays. He would just stop calling, or be short on the phone.

We went away for his b'day. Had a blast. When we got back I felt as if he backed off. Sensing his pattern from before I was prepared for him to fade out. We live far away (1 hour) and are both extremely busy. The weekend after we got back, he had an event in the area. I thought he would come to my house after. He said he'd call when he was done. He called on his way over to my neighborhood. He was stopping to bring his aunt groceries, asked me to come with. I asked him if he'd just hang out when he was done with his aunt. There was a game on that he wanted to get home to watch. I said he could watch it @ my house. He said he'd call when he was done. I was on the phone and my line was busy, so he left a message on my cell. I was not near my cell, so never got the message til 11:30 he was already home. I called his cell and it was off. I thought he was just coming over after his aunt, and was waiting up. I just thought he was not wanting to come over.

The next day he called,(jan 4) said he watched the game and went to bed. I went to his house for dinner with his parents. ( i couldn't stay, had work the next day and a puppy at home. Sat put that old fear into me and my thoughts got the better of me.

The next weekend he had plans, they got cancelled, but he never called to ask me to do anything. The week went by with phonecalls but he was always going to bed, or busy. The next weekend we both had 4 days off. There was a few unreturned calls. We didn't talk Monday @ all, I called him and sent a text.

Here's where it all went down. I texted his close friend (female) to ask if we could talk. Said I was an emotional basket case after letting him back into my life. She said she was uncomfortable, but would it be ok if she told him we were talking. I said fine, and that I would try him again to talk to him directly. I called him and woke him up. I asked if he wanted me to stop calling to just tell me, I haven't seen you in a month, is this over?

He was dumfounded! he started going through dates times, I said I felt distance when he didn't come over on Sat. He calmly began describing his weeks, work, family stuff, craziness, fatigue, falling asleep. I told him I freaked out and texted his friend. He said he called and left a message Sat. what more could he do.

When he realized that we spent the day after the Sat. game/aunt incident he went CRAZY ! F-bombs, why did I let him go on justifying Sat. when we spent Sunday together, it wasn't him it was me. It was 16 days, not a month ! I never heard him so angry.

Hearing him made me understand that I was being crazy, after all he had tried calling we just misconnected. And if I wanted to see him why didn't I say something instead of stewing. It was the un-returned calls over the week that made me a mess.

I read him the text I sent his friend. He said he needed to get off the phone, process and try to talk to his friend and apologize for my actions.

He said he'd get back to me with an update.

I know the relationship part is over, how do I apologize to him as we have a long friendship. I just felt what I felt, and 3 times in the past he left me after to holidays. I guess I was just waiting for it to happen, and reading into things this time. I feel awful, sick inside that my insecurities made me question him. How badly did I f**k up? What do I do ?

[carl1222]

Where to begin? I have a friend of 18 years. We have been on and off dating for most of that time, and friends in between. In Oct. we started talking again, dating, spent the holidays and his b'day together, talked twice a day, made plans. (mostly him asking me) He always reaches a breaking point and leaves because I am not as affectionate or demonstrative as him. This time we were just going day to day. He says we are what we are, and he may never be able to accept my less emotional self. He loves me, but needs a partner who is into him 150% The past few times he left me right after the holidays. He would just stop calling, or be short on the phone.

We went away for his b'day. Had a blast. When we got back I felt as if he backed off. Sensing his pattern from before I was prepared for him to fade out. We live far away (1 hour) and are both extremely busy. The weekend after we got back, he had an event in the area. I thought he would come to my house after. He said he'd call when he was done. He called on his way over to my neighborhood. He was stopping to bring his aunt groceries, asked me to come with. I asked him if he'd just hang out when he was done with his aunt. There was a game on that he wanted to get home to watch. I said he could watch it @ my house. He said he'd call when he was done. I was on the phone and my line was busy, so he left a message on my cell. I was not near my cell, so never got the message til 11:30 he was already home. I called his cell and it was off. I thought he was just coming over after his aunt, and was waiting up. I just thought he was not wanting to come over.

The next day he called,(jan 4) said he watched the game and went to bed. I went to his house for dinner with his parents. ( i couldn't stay, had work the next day and a puppy at home. Sat put that old fear into me and my thoughts got the better of me.

The next weekend he had plans, they got cancelled, but he never called to ask me to do anything. The week went by with phonecalls but he was always going to bed, or busy. The next weekend we both had 4 days off. There was a few unreturned calls. We didn't talk Monday @ all, I called him and sent a text.

Here's where it all went down. I texted his close friend (female) to ask if we could talk. Said I was an emotional basket case after letting him back into my life. She said she was uncomfortable, but would it be ok if she told him we were talking. I said fine, and that I would try him again to talk to him directly. I called him and woke him up. I asked if he wanted me to stop calling to just tell me, I haven't seen you in a month, is this over?

He was dumfounded! he started going through dates times, I said I felt distance when he didn't come over on Sat. He calmly began describing his weeks, work, family stuff, craziness, fatigue, falling asleep. I told him I freaked out and texted his friend. He said he called and left a message Sat. what more could he do.

When he realized that we spent the day after the Sat. game/aunt incident he went CRAZY ! F-bombs, why did I let him go on justifying Sat. when we spent Sunday together, it wasn't him it was me. It was 16 days, not a month ! I never heard him so angry.

Hearing him made me understand that I was being crazy, after all he had tried calling we just misconnected. And if I wanted to see him why didn't I say something instead of stewing. It was the un-returned calls over the week that made me a mess.

I read him the text I sent his friend. He said he needed to get off the phone, process and try to talk to his friend and apologize for my actions.

He said he'd get back to me with an update.

I know the relationship part is over, how do I apologize to him as we have a long friendship. I just felt what I felt, and 3 times in the past he left me after to holidays. I guess I was just waiting for it to happen, and reading into things this time. I feel awful, sick inside that my insecurities made me question him. How badly did I f**k up? What do I do ?

I think you f**ked up pretty bad. To see exactly when that happened, see the part in bold above.

You were waiting for his call, yet stayed on the phone during that time. What was so important? Was Pres. Obama asking you for help with his inaugural speech? Why didn't you just tell your friend on the phone that you couldn't talk because were expecting a call? Don't you have "call waiting"? Why didn't you anticipate his call on your cell phone? Why did you think he would just come over when he TOLD you he would call first? What on earth were you thinking?

You simply confirmed what he feared ... that you are treating your relationship way too casually to the point of rudeness and indifference. He is simply fed up with you and for very good reason. You're not even a good friend much less a good girlfriend.

I would have broken up with you too!

Carl.

[UKboy]

AGree with carl.
I'm in a current position too and i tell you you fked up VERY VERY badly.

[Lite]

All you can do is give him some space and time to calm down, apologize later, hope things go back to some semblance of normal.

[goodself]

First, let me tell you that guys can be more sensitive than girls when it comes to showing affection in relationship.
I know am sensitive about that.
So if you want to keep a guy, always show him love and affection in any way you know. He will appreciate you for it.

[damn2008]

I put the blame on you as well...you answered your own question as well when you said "I am not as affectionate or demonstrative with him"...listen, even us guys like to show affection and receive it in turn.

It also sounds like HE was making all the plans and let me tell you from a guy point-of-view, it can get VERY annoying and tiresome if we have to make plans ALL the time. Especially if your reaction to them all is "hoo-hum, I suppose that's a good idea". Sometimes we like OUR girl to take the initiative and think of something for us to do. Try being decisive.

Also it sounds like he got sick of chasing you...you would WAIT for his calls, WAIT for him to make plans with you. It sounds like you were plain lazy and didn't want to take any iniative.

If you've been friends for 18 years with constant "on-off" stuff, maybe you should just cut out the relationship part and stay friends. Obviously he wants someone who can give him much more than you can. Perhaps it would be best for you two to just sit down and talk, realize that both of you want different things in a relationship and move onto looking for OTHER people....stay friends, but take this experience in as learning what you NEED to do to keep a man around. Relationships are a TWO WAY STREET...and he was doing all the driving on his side.