ive lost her :(

[lacuna]

Literally 3 hours ago the girl who means the world to me told me that she just wants to be close friends .
we were together for quite a while and ive never been happier. shes everything i desire and we were always told we were perfect for each other.
We had many fights as every relationship does and eventually we broke up in like november.
we were still very close to each other and whenever we went out she'd sit on my lap, put her head on my shoulder...and after spending more time together we got closer and started holding hands and kissing when we were out and stuff.
3 nights ago we went cinema and ended up going back to hers..we watched a movied in bed, we were spooning and i rubbed her sholders and back and she took her top off. after a while i took her bra off and we started gettin real passionate and ended up having amazing sex.
The next day we went out for her brothers bday and everything seemed kool, we were close but not clingy and i kissed her and we held hands a few times..everythings was gud.
after i left gher that night i didnt hear from her hardly at all for the next few days and i kinda sensed there was something wrong with her last night.. i asked her if everything was kool between us and she basically said shes so confused and doesnt want things to be weird an mess things up.
I asked her what she meant and she sed she doesnt want to get bak into a relationship and we took things way too fast.. i was really confused because i didnt expect this at all.. i thought we were doing fine and taking things slow..the sex was spontaneous ut i didnt find it confusin..i thought it brought us closer together...i guess not..
i sed to her that im so confused after everything thats happened over the last couple of weeks and how she was soo close to me, how can she suddenly feel this way?
in the end she basically sed 'I want to be friends, close friends the way it used to be like happy'.. i sed 'what b4 we started goin out?' and she sed 'no b4 it started goin gay'...
I know all she wanted was for me not to be clingy and she needed space.. i gave her all of this and i feel like she didnt believe in making us work out.. i really want to show her what im worth because i know she loves me still..

[vashti]

Sorry, buddy. It happens to us all. You'll get through it. How old are you?

[lacuna]

21. i feel like an idiot sometimes because i feel like im fighting a lost cause. we shared so many awesome memories together, i really want there to be more...
and seein as she does want to be close friends i spose i will... i care about her so much more than a friend tho which is why im finding this so difficult. :/
shes coming round mine today, i dnt know if anything will be resolved or not but i hope in someway i find out what i mean to her right now and if there is any hope.

[vashti]

I suggest you rethink the "friends" route if there is no hope, for your own good. Most people find that only prolongs their misery.

[lacuna]

thats the thing, i have thought about how it would work out and i cnt see how i can feel any different about her. i cnt just fall out of love wiv her into a close friend relationship can i?? i dnt think im strong enough...i mean evertime i was out with her and my mates i know i felt jealous of other guys tlking to her and id want to tlk to her or be close to her all night..
another rubbish thing is that our friends are all mutual so whenever we go out we all go out.. im always going to see her, even if i try to ignore her..
I love her to pieces and i know theres still chemistry.. she has alot of issues that she wants to sort out herself. ive understood that.. i just cnt understand why shes pushed me aside when everything was fine..

[lacuna]

well getting better between us i mean..

[swargolet]

From my current break-up I can assure you that friends will NOT work right now. Everyone told me it wouldnt and I always said BUT blah blah blah and made excuses why I thought it would.
Here is the simple truth. It will not work until your feelings have vanished. You need to be able to see her as a friend, you should be able to be by her without wanting to kiss her, without wanting to cuddle with her, and you should be able to see her with another bf without being effected. When you can do this then you can be friends.
here is the problem. By the time this happens you 2 will most likely have drifted apart which is why most exes are never close friends.

[lacuna]

From my current break-up I can assure you that friends will NOT work right now. Everyone told me it wouldnt and I always said BUT blah blah blah and made excuses why I thought it would.
Here is the simple truth. It will not work until your feelings have vanished. You need to be able to see her as a friend, you should be able to be by her without wanting to kiss her, without wanting to cuddle with her, and you should be able to see her with another bf without being effected. When you can do this then you can be friends.
here is the problem. By the time this happens you 2 will most likely have drifted apart which is why most exes are never close friends.

That really enlightened me. i just wish it wasnt true.. but yea i know thats exactly what will happen and i keep telling myself itll be okay but im always gona want more from her.. maybe she does too but its not what she wants right now which is why she wants to stay close friends... :/.. i duno.. im seeing her later when she comes round, i might just tlk to her and bring this up.. i dnt know how it will help tho.. i really dnt want to fall out with or not know her at all.

[Lite]

The "friends" thing is more like they want you to be their backup bitch in case whatever it is they're doing doesn't work out. Having an ex that is "a friend" lying about is only going to make future relationships for you more difficult to deal with.

Let her go work on her stuff. Maybe you'll get back together, maybe not. In the meantime live your life, have your fun, find someone who will value you. Oh, and see if you can cancel that order you made the other day.

[hoopuk]

I'm in a similar position to you, and all I can say is that although I'm still in emotional agony, don't contact her and it will get better. I'm 3 weeks in and this morning was the first time I didn't wake up crying. And I don't feel like doing it today either

[swargolet]

Yes, the more you contact her the more you'll want. You can spend 3 weeks away from her and if you contact her just once you will end up where you were 3 weeks ago.
I dont think by her saying "lets be friends" she is keeping you as backup. I believe that she is saying that because she does still like you as a friend and she doesnt want to hurt maybe you guys will be able to hang out. I still think even without feelings there will always be that sense that you guys should do/be more.

[carl1222]

From my current break-up I can assure you that friends will NOT work right now. Everyone told me it wouldnt and I always said BUT blah blah blah and made excuses why I thought it would.
Here is the simple truth. It will not work until your feelings have vanished. You need to be able to see her as a friend, you should be able to be by her without wanting to kiss her, without wanting to cuddle with her, and you should be able to see her with another bf without being effected. When you can do this then you can be friends.
here is the problem. By the time this happens you 2 will most likely have drifted apart which is why most exes are never close friends.

Swargolet is right ... every single word!

Carl.

[lacuna]

The "friends" thing is more like they want you to be their backup bitch in case whatever it is they're doing doesn't work out. Having an ex that is "a friend" lying about is only going to make future relationships for you more difficult to deal with.

Let her go work on her stuff. Maybe you'll get back together, maybe not. In the meantime live your life, have your fun, find someone who will value you. Oh, and see if you can cancel that order you made the other day.

It arrived this Mormon :p hahha.
I'll be keepin it for the next lucky person the enjoy if this
Doesn't work out lol.

[Cbrider]

The friends thing is stupid. One way or another when there was/is more than just friendship involved it only serves to hurt you.

My ex claimed to be just "friends" with this guy, she is now dating him after stretching me to my limits with her behavior around him while we were a couple.

The sooner you push out the thoughts of getting back together, the sooner you can come to terms with yourself and cast that person out of your life.

It took me three months, but I could care less what my ex does now, its not my problem and i have no blood on my hands.

BTW, getting past someone doesn't mean you have to be okay with them being around you. I have no desire to ever see my ex's face again.

[lacuna]

Im still so fuckin confused about everythin mehh.
When she came round mine the ova night we spent the whole day and night chillin and everything was sweet.
we didnt bring up any mention of the night b4 (first post) and had a propa good night together.
we made fajitas together, we layed close to each other on my bed watchin films, we leant on each other, her head on my shoulder and had alot of laughs..
then at the end of the night we were lyin on my sofa watchin tele.. i asked her what she meant by the ova night and how confused i was..
she kept emphasizin how shes really not happy with herself atm and just feels like she doesnt want to be around anyone, her mates, me, her family..
I told her i dnt want her to be unhappy so if she wants me to chill then thats all i can do but she doesnt want to not be close to me.
I dont want to lose anything between us.
well we went out the night after...i went round hers b4 whilst she was gettin ready. me an her mate were lyin on her bed chillin an we were all chattin listenin to music.. whenever she came over onto her bed to use her computer she leant on me, stroked my hair and put her head on my chest..
then as soon as we went out i felt as if i wasnt even there..
its like she acts like a completely different person towards me when we're not alone.. I tried soo hard to play everything cool and chill bt i just couldnt feel comfortable..
i really feel lost right now and actually feel like we'd be better of not seein each other for a while so she can sort herself and hopefully realise what i mean to her.
Ive had several thoughts reoccurin over in my head and as much as i dont want to i want to txt her something like this..

''I dnt wanna go through the next few days anticipatin a txt from u so i just wana say im really sorry. I realised last night that i cant do this right now. Ur a completely different person towards me wen we're not alone an tbh makes me feel really insecure. I really do love you so i'll leave yo alone..if i dnt see you, i wnt stop thinkin abot you but i wnt be able to hurt you, n maybe u'll realise how you feel about me. I duno wot u will do in that time, whether u use it to sort ureself out, think about me, hurt ureself, fuck some other guy. wotever. i cant stop you. I guess it'll show how much i actually matter tho n i jus hope ull make up ur mind an be happy wiv ur decision. Ive tried way to hard to show u how much i care which is prob why u cant stand bein wiv me''

theres a part of me that wants to send it but the other part doesnt because i genuinly dont want to not see her. if i could id be able to see her tonight and we'd prob hav a gud night.
But the other part reminds me of this sayin...

''Love is letting go of the one you love, hoping that they will come back to you when they realize what they have lost.''

dnt really know wot to do :/
we're so close but its like we dont know what to do..