Last Night...

[izza]

Hello and thank you in advance for any replies!

Anyway so last night was very interesting. Me and my girl have been together for 4 years, we live together in an apartment while we attend college. I am 20, will be 21 on the first of February (woo) she is 19. I have already attended the university for a year, so I have already had the adjustment period. This is her freshman year, so she has not, and I clearly stated to her before we moved in that college is a major change and moving into an apartment is even a step further. Obviously this was disregarded by her.

We began having issues about a month into living with eachother. I had not been in the right mindset dealing with money issues/school/work stress. So it was taking a toll on our relationship. Then at the end of November we mutually decided it would be best to go on a break. The only problem is that we live together and go to school so getting away from eachother was very hard almost impossible.

I just tried to become as non-exsistant as possible giving her the space to grow. Unforunately during this time she became very secretive and hidden. She was out all the time with friends. I disregarded this as much as possible to keep from any confrontations.

Last night, I recieved a text message from a reputable source saying that she was seeing someone else. I immediately developed all of the symptoms people get when they feel their property is threatened (even though we are on a break). I then confronted her about it, and all she could ask was "Who was your source?" so after many repetitive questions she finally said, she has been "hanging out with him".

So I go deeper into the conversation to find out that she has kissed him (okay to clarify, me and my girlfriend have not had sex as of yet, she made the choice to stay abstinent through high-school for fear of pregnancy, which I respected, even though I had already had sex. We were going to wait till we moved into our apartment for college.)

She says that I must change my ways. I admit I procrastinate way to much I have taken after my father a bit to much in this catergory. She also says that I do not show that I love her, and I only had shown this in the first year of our relationship.

I suppose my question is how should I go about fixing this relationship. I know the answers are right there in the last paragraph I wrote, procrastination, and showing more love. I know I can work on my procrastination issue not for her but for myself. But my real issue is how to show her more love when, I feel that she has no time for me anymore, since she is always gone. Seems as though when I try to spark a conversation the conversation goes to a deadend, because her responses to me are very short and the tone is that tone when someone talks to you like your stupid.

Anyway thanks for reading!

[richeanne]

have sex. that's it

[Lite]

You can only control your behavior in the matter. Now, if she wants to work things out w/ you, she's going to have to dump the guy. Period.

Apologize for your behavior and reactions due to stress, and genuinely work to show her affection. Perhaps ask her what the difference was between then and now.

But, the truth is she immediately ran to someone else, so it doesn't sound as if she's all that committed to you anyway.