Bfs Mum issues

[PussyCatDoll]

so, in this last 9 months our families have met and started to get to know eachother, which is a major MAJOR breakthrough for us.

My mums slowly getting to know him. they speak occassionaly on the phone, she showered him with gifts on his birthday, shes always asking about him which is great for me, as this is what i wanted.

but his mum is so not interested in us and our relationship. she hasn't called me round to there place (even though shes been to ours twice), she doesn't call, and she generally seems disinterested.

i find this kinda hurtful. when i told my bf he said he's talk to her about it. he's really shy and does not like confrontations at all, but he talked to her and she said she'd call.

she doesn't speak much english so i've been practising our native language with him, for when she does call..but she hasn't. He's said to her a few times now but she keeps making exscuses.

i'm at a dead end. for the first time in our relationship this is causing a problem.

background: been with bf 3years. All parents were aginst dating for religious reasons so them accepting him is a big deal.

[Sonrisa]

she doesn't speak much english so i've been practising our native language with him, for when she does call..but she hasn't. He's said to her a few times now but she keeps making exscuses.

i'm at a dead end. for the first time in our relationship this is causing a problem.

background: been with bf 3years. All parents were aginst dating for religious reasons so them accepting him is a big deal.

what language DOES she speak? how do you expect her to call you if she hardly speaks english? you should be the one taking the initiative to get to know her. poor mum.

[PussyCatDoll]

i can't just phone my bfs mum when we've only met once. it really doesn't work like that.

maybe its a cultural/principle thing ..

[Sonrisa]

she speaks broken english and fluent urdu.

i speak fluent english and now fluent urdu. i can't just phone my bfs mum when we've only met once. it really doesn't work like that.

maybe its a cultural/principle thing ..

why can't you just call his mom? what is your nationality? how old are you?

[Gigabitch]

Welcome to the wonderful world of mijito syndrome. Your man's mom is very unlikely to ever embrace you completely, no matter who he is or who she is. It's classic. It's why we have so many mother-in-law jokes. It's why Etta James sang that song about her mother in law.

They're poison.

Revise your expectations.

[Sonrisa]

Welcome to the wonderful world of mijito syndrome. Your man's mom is very unlikely to ever embrace you completely, no matter who he is or who she is. It's classic. It's why we have so many mother-in-law jokes. It's why Etta James sang that song about her mother in law.

They're poison.

Revise your expectations.

no no no, we have a case of an Iranian/Pakistani family who DO NOT accept their children marrying into other cultures. Some of them still do have arranged marriages. It's up to her to make the extra effort to try and make it work. Chances are that he'd only marry her though over his mother's dead body.

[vashti]

What is your boyfriend's take on this situation, hun? Is his mom notorious for being difficult?

This may just be a personality trait for her, and may not have anything at all to do with her feelings about you. I believe there is also a cultural aspect to her behaving this way, and as I understand it, she is acting the part of the matriarch. You are a sweet girl, and I think if you applied yourself to winning her over, you'd be able to. But yes, it will take a lot of effort. Your BF needs to be more proactive in setting actual TIMES for you to meet.

In the end, after exhausting every possible option, I suppose you could flat-out ask her what can be done to improve her feelings towards you.

[Bo]

it is a cultural thing. my parents are the same way. And the language barrier makes things a lot harder

[PussyCatDoll]

no no no, we have a case of an Iranian/Pakistani family who DO NOT accept their children marrying into other cultures. Some of them still do have arranged marriages. It's up to her to make the extra effort to try and make it work. Chances are that he'd only marry her though over his mother's dead body.

fyi, we're the same culture. what do you know about iranian/pakistani families that makes you think you can categorise them this way?

and he is gona marry me, and his mums not dead..she just has a few issues with it.


[QUOTE=vashti;421534]What is your boyfriend's take on this situation, hun? Is his mom notorious for being difficult?

QUOTE]
i have no idea. my bfs saying its early stages and that once she gets to know me that'll make it alright.

i'm gona have to play the innocent/sweet card for a while.

thanks