My acting, need advice

[TheBlackFlux]

Hello, everybody. Right at this time I feel really horrible concerning my gf, and need an advice.

(we're 17 and 16, so... maybe take that into account too, I guess. I don't know.)

So, we were out with my gf in a cafe yesterday, actually it was the day before she left on a week trip from school. We were having a really good time, discussing everything, serious topics, laughting, all was absolutely perfect, until she came up with this thing with a movie and her ex. The movie. We discussed this particular movie earlier, it was quite ridiculous one and we laughingly made a deal about going to a cinema just for the hell of it.

Ok, so there we were, having an totally ideal time. At one point, when she probably felt having too much fun and little out of control of herself, or whatever, she told me, that she doesn't know, if she can tell me this, but I am awesome and she can tell me all kind of stuff and that she's totally gotta watch this movie with her ex soon, and that it will be absolutely hilarious, she was laughting. (!!!)

/* What the ****? I am not awesome and I don't want to hear these crappy stories about how you are going to do something, which we were laughting about (ehm - yeah. It was one of the million things we shared, or so I thought. Damn, I was really looking forward to it.), gonna do with your ex and that it will be absolutely great. */

So, when I said her, that I thought we were watching this movie soon, she said, that she didn't actually mean it, and thought it was just fun and looked at me with this really sad face. Well, what can I say? You didn't mean it with me, but with your ex it's gonna be a perfect time? **** this.

Well, it quite screwed the rest of the afternoon, at least for me. I was watching my watches, until the date will end. Actually, what pissed me most, is that on that date we both agreed, that we are feeling really intense about each other, that our relationship is getting to a new level, etc. We're together 7 months, and I thought, we're going to say each other that 3 words for first time, well, all the talk just seems irrelevant to me now...

I mean. I always have to hear these things about her ex. It pisses me. I do tell her, that it pisses me. It's not like I would keep these things to myself not solving them. If she would read this topic, it would be nothing new for her, I tried to get over the matter right at the place. I have told her more times in the past already, that I am little idiot in these things, always getting it the wrong way, feeling bad, etc., so she should keep such topics to herself and not talk to me about them (I trust her otherwise ofc. She can go out with her ex np. It's just that if it's too much, like this time, it makes my blood boil everytime we discuss some of this shit again and again.)

Can she not be a little regardful? I learned all the things she doesn't want to hear and care about what I say, how she would feel, what would be her point of view, what is her personality and attitude gonna be etc. She has to say these things that hurt me every while and we end up - her feeling terrible, me feeling terrible for her, but also feeling hurt, the relationship uneasy.

I don't know, how do I act, when she returns a in a week. I still feel been having a wrong done to. I don't want to act like a idiot, but she really annoyed me this time and it's not like I have a control about my feelings also. Should I discuss her talking stupid things once again (for like 5th time), making her feel absolutely miserable, which I don't want, or let it sink? (which I don't consider a good end also. Will make me act like idiot more in the future.)

I just don't know. I feel very close to really loving her and the relationship is invaluable to me, but I'm also angry (which, along these lines I also told her). I just don't know now. I feel horrible.

[carl1222]

I can't tell from your post if you're being overly sensitive or she's being insensitive.

You mentioned the movie comment about seeing the movie with her ex, but what was the context? Why would she find it hilarious to see it with him?

You also said mentioning her ex is an ongoing problem for you, but I wonder about the context of that as well. Do you get upset any time she mentions her ex, even if it's relevant to the conversation, or does she seem to go out of her way to throw her ex in your face?

Carl.

[TheBlackFlux]

Thanks for reply. Well, it seems to be mixture of both. There is a context to her ex boyfriend, however.

The thing about the movie is that we both agreed that it was something terrible and were going to watch it. Later, she tells me that she didn't mean it, but that's also after she told me, she's going to watch it with her ex, and the whole situation will be ****ing hilarious with him. There was no more context whatsoever, so I was pretty surprised also. I can't see how that wouldn't make anyone feel strange/bad/hurt.

Well, the thing about her ex is that I was hanging out with her before she broke with him. We didn't make out or anything, well, admittedly there was some handholding and hugging. I was idiot, should have waited until she breaks up with him, because now she has further feelings for him, like being sorry, talking stuff over, still not quite getting over with the breakup, although she told me many times, that she was thinking about ending it before she started to hang out with me more (we knew each other for year back then). She told me few times (don't know why ...), that she's able to cry over the matter of breakup even now, so... gosh, I'll probably tell her to get over it finally or what. It's stupid. I didn't realize this earlier, thanks :/

So I am not pushing her not to communicate with him, or what, I'm hoping that I'm not one of the jealous types, and also feel kinda sorry for the guy, because I acted bad towards him. I do not have problems if mentioning him is to the topic, but I feel tired sometimes. I probably did not make clear, that I am tolerating it, not being enthusiastic discussing him.

The problem is also that she's often insensitive, or making comment she would know, that will make me go hurt, if she thought about what she was saying for a second. We have been solving this over many times, as I said. I do not do such things for her, and honestly, I don't think I'm THAT much sensitive, it's more like she just doesn't know, where the boundaries are. When I tell her all these, she goes crying or becomes very serious and depressive, that she knows, which destroys me. But we've been over this over and over. *sigh*

[carl1222]

The best way to destroy your relationship is to get all jealous and possessive over her ex. It is far more likely that she will leave you for your lack of trust than she will leave you to go back with her ex. As a couple, you should be able to talk about anything ... including having mixed feelings for a guy who was once important to her and with whom she has history. You say you trust her ... go with that. You can't expect to be the first and only guy who was ever important.

Yeah, the way you two got together sucks. If nothing else, it shows that she's the kind of girl who uses a new relationship as the easy way of getting out of an old one she no longer wants to be in. A red flag!

Carl.

[TheBlackFlux]

Yeah, you're right. Thanks. I guess we'll talk this over later...

[TheBlackFlux]

Okay, I'm definitely more cool now. Sent her a message late at night, no response, so I'll call her tomorrow if anything.

Despite what I said, her ex isn't that much problem, only in this particular situaton it pissed me. What makes me absolutely rage is that cluelessness, as said in last paragraph of my second post. It's my weak spot and her weak spot conflicting all the time. I need to have another discussion with her, I guess.