hwo to deal with girlfriend being hit on

[John1766]

I have a question about how to deal with a situation that I am not sure how to deal with.

I have been going out with my girlfriend for 2 years and 10 months. We have been dating since my Junior year of highschool. Now I am a sophomore in college and she is a junior in college. We have been together through a good amount...we have survived through a year of not being near each other when she went away to college. Currently, I am lucky enough to see her about twice per week since I go to school near her. We are very close and we rarely get in big fights. We have never been on a break...everything between us has been pretty much perfect. But something happened last night, and I need to know if what I did was right.

So last night she was at a party with her friends...she doesn't drink. I was at school getting ready for a hockey game and doing work. Eventually she came back and she told me about some kid who kept talking about her. She then told me that as she left the party the kid grabbed her wrist and made her give him her phone number. She said that she had no choice to give him her phone number because he put her on the spot and she said that he could look it up because he is friends with some of her friends. She said that if he calls her then she will ignore him.
I got very mad about the fact that he placed his hand on her, that he put her on the spot, and that he hit on her while she has a boyfriend. So I found the kid's phone number and I sent him a somewhat harsh text. I told my gf and she flipped out on me. She has never been so mad at me in her life. She keeps saying something about losing all of her trust in me. She talks about how crazy i am for doing that. But am I crazy? was that not the right thing to do? I felt as though I had to protect myself, her, and protect our relationship. If I had been at he party then I could have gotten in his face but I had to resort to texting him since I was at school. I didn't threaten to kill him or anything...and I also apologized for being harsh...he seemed somewhat sorry for what he did, so I didn't see the point on being an asshole to him.
I can't help but feel like what I did was right. It really upset me that he placed his hand on her and that he hit on her. This kid is constantly asking her friends about her and they keep telling him that she is taken. I figured that I had to step in to let him know. I didn't want him to start calling her and bothering her. Does anybody have an opinion on my whether my reaction was right or not? I have talked to some of my friends and they said that they would have done the same. I just don't understand how she can be so mad at me for caring

thanks

[Mish]

She keeps saying something about losing all of her trust in me.

Did she say why she is loosing her trust in you based on what happened? What are her reasons?

Also, what did you say in your message?


I think it's funny that she gave him her real number, she could've just given him a fake one.

[Vain]

Yes, what did you say in your message?

[Cbrider]

I'll give your gf the benefit of the doubt here and assume she gave him her number out of shock.

You have EVERY right to defend your relationship, you just need to be able to draw a line that you wont pass for self control reasons.

I personally don;t think you were out of line at all, I think what you did was completely acceptable. I would have simply said "if I find out you grabbed my girlfriend again, I expect you to give her your address so I can come have a talk with you."

I would imagine your gf is simply pissed b/c she doesn't want anything to do with this guy and doesn't want you to get in a fight with him.

Something I want to know, where did you get the phone number?

[Cain]

I'm still not entirely sure why she gave him her number. She was at a party, surrounded by a large number of people, and yet she didn't think about saying "Help!" as the asshole grabbed her wrist?

[Cbrider]

I'm still not entirely sure why she gave him her number. She was at a party, surrounded by a large number of people, and yet she didn't think about saying "Help!" as the asshole grabbed her wrist?

People do strange things when they get scared. My ex gf would just freeze when she got scared, I honestly don't know if she would move if a car startled her as she was crossing the street.

[Cain]

Did he grab her wrist forcefully? Did he just grab it gently as if he was reaching for her hand? That really does have an impact on my opinion.

If he grabbed her wrist gently to try and "sweet talk" her into giving him her number then I wouldn't have done anything. I want a woman that can fend off men on their own. If I beat up every man that found the girl that I was with attractive then I'd have no time for anything else. If he grabbed her wrist forcefully and that was all that happened, then I likely still wouldn't do anything until he continued to approach her.

I think some men just get too insecure and jealous. He owes you nothing. You're just competition. SHE gave HIM her number. She had the ability to say no and she chose not to.

[Cbrider]

Cain is right, it does matter how it all went down.

I personally waited the first time when something like this happened to me and things went south, so I am partial to stepping in the first time.