do i have to do it?

**empress_orchid** · 12-02-09, 09:24 PM

i have been in a relationship for almost 10 months. i live in a country where free sex is a no. both my family and my bf's family hold that statement clearly.

i don't know since when, my bf started to make me do sexual things like masturbate him, do oral for him. well, we haven't had sex because he said he will appreciate me that i don't want to lose it before married. but still, i have to go with him to do it.

if i don't want to go, he will be very sensitive and angry a lot. and its like hell to me. he make my life like hell! so i always ended up doing it, but crying at home. i already told him i don't want to do it anymore many times, he said he understand, but then again he still get mad easily and as always, its hell to me.

i feel guilty for lying to my family, scared, and tired. what should i do?

everytime sunday nearly comes (we do it on sunday or saturday), i can't relax. i keep thinking about it. it makes me crazy! please help me.

**vashti** · 12-02-09, 09:31 PM

Why is he your boyfriend if you feel bad when you are with him? Break up with him.

**empress_orchid** · 12-02-09, 09:47 PM

well, i like him. its not with him that i feel bad. i feel bad about lying and scared if someone found out about it. and its like i have a low morale if i did it. but i just want him to be happy thats all.

breaking up with him huh? i have think about that many times, and everytime we argue about 'that', i always shout 'i want to break up with you if you continue like this!' but we always ended up not breaking up. he said that its his weakness, and he don't have any fun things to make his life happy.

**vashti** · 12-02-09, 10:29 PM

What you are doing is sexual behavior, and you are putting yourself at high risk of losing your virginity before marriage. Where I live, that isn't such a big deal at the age of 21, but you say you live in a place where that is socially unacceptable, and that you intend to stay a virgin until you are married. That being the case, I suggest you tell this guy you don't want to engage in ANY sexual behavior until you are married, and if he loves you, he should understand that. If he pouts for more than a couple of minutes, he must not care very much about you and your morals, and I would take that into consideration. After all, if he really wants you, he COULD ask you to get married, but instead expects you to act sexually and put your reputation at risk with no guarantee he will stick around.

**lesa** · 13-02-09, 12:04 AM

You need to find someone that will not pressure you to do anything that you don't want to do. Keep your values and beliefs. You guys should avoid situations where that type of activity can happen. Where are doing these things? Avoid those places. Don't sleep over or spend a day in the home. Go out to the movies or the park (unless it happens there too).

Also, have a discussion with him and see how he reacts. If it's not good then leave him. He wasn't good enough to stay around and is not worth compromising your values. Remember that.

**Gigabitch** · 13-02-09, 12:56 AM

If he's in such a pent-up state, he can take care of it himself. hasn't he ever heard of masturbation?

In my opinion, by your culture's standards he's disrespecting you. What makes you think this guy would even marry you anyway? He sounds selfish and inconsiderate. I could see him dumping you for a "clean" girl when he's finally ready to settle down.

Tell him NO.

**Indignant** · 13-02-09, 01:37 AM

how old are you?

**empress_orchid** · 13-02-09, 06:20 AM

@indignant: i will be 23 this july.

well, i saw him struggle. everytime i asked him to stop, well, he said yes and he struggling for it. but in the end, he can't take it and will be very sensitive. he won't be able to smile. did he just make it up so i believe him?

i am not sure he would marry me. but he said to me that he will and he must because our relationship is very deep that we're doing those things.

in fact, i can't break up with him too because i think i am dirty and i have to end up being with him. i can't think about having a relationship with someone else. it would be unfair to that someone because we're already too intimate. thats what i think.

what do you all think?

**Indignant** · 13-02-09, 06:42 AM

may i ask what country you are from? and what religion that is?

**Cbrider** · 13-02-09, 08:19 AM

If the thought of breaking up is crossing your mind you're already halfway there. I think you're best off to just let this guy go.

**lightning88** · 13-02-09, 11:47 AM

I would not stay with a girl for 10 months without kissing and some sort of contact,thats weird. most guys wouldnt either. if you love each other just get married already!!! problem solved.

**bluesummer** · 13-02-09, 01:15 PM

It sounds like he is taking advantage of your guilt for doing these things. Makes me wonder if he's done this to other girls, that he obviously didn't marry.

This sounds disrespectful to me. You need to stand up for yourself and say NO if you feel this is wrong.

**lightning88** · 13-02-09, 01:25 PM

Originally Posted by bluesummer

Makes me wonder if he's done this to other girls, that he obviously didn't marry.

that is just stupid ,why would he??? shes like one of 5 girls who have this stupid rule and hes been with her 10months!!! im sure if he didnt care for her he would go find a girl to do more than just suck dick. most girls will have full sex after JUST a few dates!
hes been with her for 10 months he obviously cares but fuk who wouldnt try to get SOMETHING after 10 freaking months?!

if you love each other get married already and have sex like a normal couple! CASE CLOSED

**vashti** · 13-02-09, 01:29 PM

Originally Posted by lightning88

that is just stupid ,why would he??? shes like one of 5 girls who have this stupid rule and hes been with her 10months!!!

Read the original post. They are not American. If they are Arab living in Afghanistan, for example, she can be stoned to death for what she is doing. Not everywhere is as tolerant of unmarried sexual activity as the U.S.

**lightning88** · 13-02-09, 01:40 PM

Originally Posted by vashti

Read the original post. They are not American. If they are Arab living in Afghanistan, for example, she can be stoned to death for what she is doing. Not everywhere is as tolerant of unmarried sexual activity as the U.S.

ok you be right........If its a place like that ill give you the win,he may be scum after all.

where are you at empress?

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