One of my mates, girls. Yes, this.

[Mattio123]

Hello,

One of my mates, has a girlfriend, i've really gotten to know her over the last 2 months or so, and we trust each other SO MUCH. Like, with everything. I began questioning whether or not I love her. And it turns out I do. I've told her about this and we're cool.
She's said before, 'different circumstances and i'd be all over you' and stuff like that. So I was just wondering.

If they break up, and I leave it however long it takes her to get over it before asking her. Would that be a bad, or wrong thing to do? I'm not talking about splitting them up myself. Not trying anything malicious here. So... Yeah...

Cheers.

Mattio

[Mish]

Would that be a bad, or wrong thing to do?

It would most likely hurt your friend and you will probably have to drop him. So yeh, it's one of those bros vs hoes things.

[Gribble]

How important is your friend? How long have you known him?

You'll date this girl for a matter of weeks, months, or, if you're extremely unlucky, a year or two tops. She's temporary. A good friend could be around for life. Just remember that, whatever you do.

[Mattio123]

I'm not so sure it actually would split up our friendship (the male mate). Well.

A) She doesn't go to my (and my mates) school, so maybe we could keep it on the down low, for a while? I don't know. I'm so confused.

[Gribble]

If you're in high school it doesn't really matter. Steal his chick from him outright. Who cares? He'll get over it. She'll dump you and move on to the next boy. You'll find some other chick to fall in love with. The cycle will repeat until college.

[vashti]

I think this is all a matter of how much your (male) friend means to you, and how much this girl means to him. If they are only dating casually, you may be able to pull this off. If your friend loves this girl, even your behavior to this point would be reason enough to drop you as a friend.

[carl1222]

You've already done harm to your mate, Mattio. You should NEVER have told her your feelings for her while she was in a relationship, especially a relationship with your friend. At best, you have planted a seed in her mind that could well germinate and grow at the slightest difficulty in their relationship. At worst, you now have her thinking about whether she would rather be with you instead of him.

You imagine that you are being discreet right now, but if and when they break up, your fingerprints will be all over it. Besides ... why on earth would you want to get involved with a girl who has a boyfriend but says "different circumstances and i'd be all over you"? She may be being good for now, but a faithful girlfriend wouldn't even be entrtaining these thoughts much less expressing them.

Carl.

[Mattio123]

You've already done harm to your mate, Mattio. You should NEVER have told her your feelings for her while she was in a relationship, especially a relationship with your friend. At best, you have planted a seed in her mind that could well germinate and grow at the slightest difficulty in their relationship. At worst, you now have her thinking about whether she would rather be with you instead of him.

You imagine that you are being discreet right now, but if and when they break up, your fingerprints will be all over it. Besides ... why on earth would you want to get involved with a girl who has a boyfriend but says "different circumstances and i'd be all over you"? She may be being good for now, but a faithful girlfriend wouldn't even be entrtaining these thoughts much less expressing them.

Carl.

She said the 'different circumstances etc' thing because she was helping me when I had a problem with my self esteem. I only told her because I trust her a lot.

[JJBender87]

If you think you love someone you should let them know. We all know the pain of heartbreak when you lose someone you thought was great, but the pain of regret is worse. You don't want to look back and think of what might have happened with her.

Even if it ends up being nothing at least you know you went for it. It's good to let her relationship with your bud take its course, but I know a ton of people who have liked their friends girl, and it took a while before the guy was ok with it, but eventually it could turn out to be great.

If you go about it the right way, and he's a real friend, you don't have to worry about losing him either.

good luck

[carl1222]

If you think you love someone you should let them know. We all know the pain of heartbreak when you lose someone you thought was great, but the pain of regret is worse. You don't want to look back and think of what might have happened with her.

Even if it ends up being nothing at least you know you went for it. It's good to let her relationship with your bud take its course, but I know a ton of people who have liked their friends girl, and it took a while before the guy was ok with it, but eventually it could turn out to be great.

If you go about it the right way, and he's a real friend, you don't have to worry about losing him either.

good luck

Really? What if she were engaged? married?? your BROTHER'S girlfriend???

Carl.

[Gribble]

Love is bullshit. It's no excuse for being a slimy underhanded bastard and betraying the people who ought to matter to you. If you can't get a girl out of your head it's not love. It's obsession. Those emotions aren't unique to one special person in the whole world. There are plenty of women around to fall in love with.

[Gigabitch]

Ask yourself what kind of person gets this close to his buddy's girl in the first place. Does your moral compass point anywhere near north? I think not.

The sweetness of your feelings for her do NOT change the fact that you, Mattio, are a sleaze. Back away from the girl. What you're doing with her is... icky.

[Mattio123]

I don't think I am being a 'slimy underhanded bastard' or a 'sleaze'. I'm not acting on my feelings really, not trying to end their relationship or anything. Is there anything wrong with that?

[carl1222]

I don't think I am being a 'slimy underhanded bastard' or a 'sleaze'. I'm not acting on my feelings really, not trying to end their relationship or anything. Is there anything wrong with that?

"I began questioning whether or not I love her. And it turns out I do. I've told her about this and we're cool."

If you are not trying to interfere in their relationship, why would you tell her you love her? It makes no sense.

Carl.

[Cain]

I don't think I am being a 'slimy underhanded bastard' or a 'sleaze'. I'm not acting on my feelings really, not trying to end their relationship or anything. Is there anything wrong with that?

There may be a time where I don't have a problem with a friend of mine dating an ex. However, if you were my friend and you did this to me, I would cut off the friendship very quickly. No friend of mine will tell the girl that I'm with that he loves her while she's in a relationship with me.