Communication Issues

[sugahoney]

Hi all, I new here and in serious need of some advice.

Me and the guy I am currently dating have one big issue...communication. it is seriously missing from our relationship and before we try to take things any further we need to fix/work on communicating better. We find it very hard to talk to each other face to face and talk about stuff, we will ask each other how our day was and that kind of stuff but it doesnt get any deeper than that. Also most of our conversations happen online.

Does any one have any ideas or tips on how to fix this.

[Gigabitch]

Well, is it a "you" problem or a "him" problem? And does he even think it's a problem?

[lesa]

Does any one have any ideas or tips on how to fix this.

Yeah, break up. You guys are not compatible if you can't talk to each other.

[sugahoney]

Well, is it a "you" problem or a "him" problem? And does he even think it's a problem?

its a both of us problem and he does think it is a problem, we had a talk to today and decided we would both try harder at communicating and sharing stuff but I dont know how to get things going.

[Gigabitch]

The online thing is going to kill you. It can be incredibly difficult for someone to express what they think and feel on the computer, especially if that person is not naturally verbose or is, God forbid, not all that interesting in the first place. If neither one of you can get past "How was your day" in person, how are you to do it online?

[Cain]

Yeah, break up. You guys are not compatible if you can't talk to each other.

Don't you think that's jumping the gun a little bit, lesa?

I don't think there's anything wrong with trying to work on the communication issue. Some people are just not as effective at it and need a little bit of help opening up more often.

[Gigabitch]

Ummm....webcam?

[sugahoney]

yea we started doing the webcam thing recently. Online we talk about ramdom stuff and joke with each other. sometimes we would have an online convo anywhere from an hour to several hours but when i'm next to him i cant think of anything to say

[Cain]

yea we started doing the webcam thing recently. Online we talk about ramdom stuff and joke with each other. sometimes we would have an online convo anywhere from an hour to several hours but when i'm next to him i cant think of anything to say

Maybe you should reduce the amount of time that you spend talking online so that you have things to talk about in person?

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

You're in a comfort zone with him. Behind a screen, you arent shy, but when around him, it's as if you're lost for words.

Maybe you guys should spend more time talking in person because you arent comfortable. When I meet people from online in person for the first time, I am super shy. Then I get used to being around them more often in person and it naturally comes to me. maybe that is you guys' problem.

I agree that it isnt as serious as lesa made it to be, I dont think they are incompatible, really. We dont have enough information to determine such a thing.

[lesa]

What's wrong with silence? You both feel that the silence is an issue. It is an issue if you both think that way. It doesn't sound like you two have enough passion of each other. It almost sounds like a friendship.

[lesa]

I agree that it isnt as serious as lesa made it to be, I dont think they are incompatible, really. We dont have enough information to determine such a thing.

I say that because they both think it is a problem. It doesn't have to be but it is for them.

What kind of communication problems? Do you mean just everyday conversations or things to progress the relationship?

[sugahoney]

silence is not the issue, we just find it hard to open up to each other about stuff that would move the relationship forward. I just called him and woke him up from sleeping and we talked about the exam i have tomorrow and what i should eat tonight and that was about a 10 min conversation. I want us to easily have convos like that without having to think too hard about what to talk to.