sordid tale that requires your opinion

[totallyworthles]

The players:


Jim 49yo Male, in 20yrs plus relationship with Jane, known extramarital affairs x 3
Jane 44yo Female, in 20yrs plus realtionship with Jim, extramarital affairs unknown

Anna 27yo Female, in 1.8yr relationship with Andrew, previously in 3yr affair with Jim
Andrew 28yo Male, in 1.8yr realtionship with Anna, extramarital affairs unknown

Natalie 23yo Female, currently in 1.5yr relationship with Jim


The situation:


Anna meets Jim, falls head over heels for him and they begin relationship. Her partner of 6years finds out and they break up.

Anna and Jim continue their affair for around a year and a half. Jim makes a point of saying that he will never leave Jane as it would hurt her too much. Anna meets Andrew and they begin relationship. Jim gets very upset and angry and fluctuates between trying to come to terms with Annas new man and hating her and making her life very hard (during this time, Jim and Anna continue with a semblance of a relationship - they work together and see each other every day).

After around 6 months of this, Anna and Jim are having just another terrible argument when something Jim says makes Amber suspicious. She asks him if he is having an affair with Natalie. It takes around 3 hours of arguing and interrogating before Jim finally admits that yes he is having an affair with Natalie. His justification for this was that he doesn't care about her anywhere near as much as he cares about Anna, he just started up with her to help him cope with his jealousy and bad feelings that Anna was making him feel.

Anna gets very upset and angry. Jim decides he's had enough and makes Anna leave her job (yes, he's her "boss"). Anna does so and spends a month overseas with her parents, while maintaining her realtionship with Andrew. Jim stays and maintains his relationship with Jane and his affair with Natalie.

Anna comes back and after a couple of months, her and Jim talk and he allows her to come back and continue their work together. She does so and after a while, old feelings surface and they again begin an affair of sorts. (Natalie and Andrew and of course, Jane are unaware of this). Jim feels that he and Anna are on equal terms as they both "went off with someone else" but Anna feels that it is worse to be lied to repeatedly about it. Jim feels it is worse to be told. Anna makes it very clear that in her heart, the lying hurts much more and can Jim please remember that in the future.

After another few months, Natalie leaves the country (on good terms with Jim, she just has her own agenda). Jim tells Anna that its all over with him and Natalie. Anna finds it easier to be with Jim as he has always maintained that she was special, that he loved her above all others and she thinks maybe that was true after all.

Again, a few months later Jim is heading off on a working holiday overseas and Anna feels suspicious for a few reasons. Asks Jim if he is meeting Natalie over there and gets lied to over and over despite again insisting that she would rather be told the truth. Jim leaves. Anna rings him up when he is overseas and finally gets him to admit that yes, he is there with Natalie.

Anna decides that's it, she's been an idiot for far too long and builds up a solid wall against any feelings she has left for Jim. She knows she doesn't deserve Andrew but loves him and wants a future with him. When Jim gets back he says he doesn't understand how she feels, thinks she's being unfair and maintains that while he's sorry he hurt her, he doesn't think he's done anything wrong.

Anna and Jim want to continue to work together - they are very effective at what they do when they are both involved and sparking off each other. Both believe the work they do is very important and both acknowledge that they enjoy each others company so they would like to maintain a professional relationship and possibly a friendship.


The question:


Obviously they are both horrible cheats who deserve all the suffering they experience, but they disgree on "who behaved the worst".

Did Anna and Jim hurt and betray each other to equal degrees or did one do "worse" by the other?

Disclaimer: nobody is technically married the word "extramarital" was used for convenience and ease of communication.

[carl1222]

nahhhhh ... to tough to follow. sorry.

Carl.

[The_bobb]

I don't think the question is even valid....

Look at this way, They both cheated on their partners... BUT Anna is mad that Jim is cheating on her. So he's having an affair, during another Affair. Can't really get mad at a pig acting like a pig can you? And how is Jim going to get mad at anna for doing the EXACT same thing he's doing? By starting a relationship with someone else?

Just think the question is invalid...

[MavViper]

ok let me get this straight. Jim and Jane are together, Anna and Andrew are together. Natalie is 3rd party. Jim has relations with Anna and Natalie while with Jane. Anna has relations with Jim while with Andrew.


Both are in the wrong, there is no MORE wrong than the other. Jim cheated on Jane and Anna cheated on Andrew, plain and simple. You are thinking that because Jim cheated on Jane twice that he is more wrong or did more wrong. Doesnt matter if it's 2 or 20, it's the same.

[Mish]

Did Anna and Jim hurt and betray each other to equal degrees or did one do "worse" by the other?

That's like asking who behaved worse Adolf Hitler or Joseph Stalin. You could write a book on the subject and the question will still be unanswered.

The real answer, it doesn't matter who is worse. They are both rotten to the core and should be avoided at all cost.

[Gigabitch]

Thy lying makes Jim worse. Much worse.