angry, hurt and confused with a girl

[Cyanosphere]

I just don't understand women sometimes. I just don't understand how a woman can say she wants to be single but at the same time hook up casually with a bunch of guys she barely knows. I don't understand how she can then refuse that same physical affection to someone who's been there for her a whole bunch of times. I don't understand how she can then get angry when one admits her feelings for her. This is a long story, but it needs to be told to understand the history I have with her, because trying to figure out what to do is killing me inside. Let me explain.

I went out with this girl a little over a year ago. She's really pretty and unique, and I really liked her, and I really believed she like me too, but then when I made a move, she told me she just wanted to be friends. I was really hurt and disappointed. We continued to hang out at times, meeting up at bars or parties or whatever for a few weeks after that, but seeing her without being able to have her only hurt me, so I distanced myself from her. What really hurt more was that she made no effort to reach out to me and make me stay.

Eventually, I forgot about her, and tried pursuing relationships with other women. Then over the summer, I had a party at my house. Then guess who shows up with her friends? I did not invite her, my friend, who was a vague acquaintance of hers and who didn't know the brief history between us, did. We caught up, but seeing her after all those months rekindled the old feelings I had for her, so I was really hopeful something would happen between us. Well, something did.

She got so drunk and wasted at my house that after the party, her friends ditched her and I had to take care of her all night (keeping her from falling as she stumbled to the bathroom, holding her hair as she puked) I think she was really embarrassed about how she behaved because after I woke her up in the morning on my couch, she couldn't even look me in the eye and spoke really quietly. She only gave me a brief hug and said "thank you" but hurried out the door. You'd think seeing the girl you like as a drunk, puking slob would destroy any attraction a guy had for her, but for some reason it didn't.

Eitherway, no contact at all between us for months. Then in November, I was at a bar, just chilling there after work. I see her swaying back and forth in her chair at the bar. She's by herself, and she looks a little delirious.

At this point, I've gone through the trouble of taking her out, taking care of her at my house, and she's given me nothing in return, so part of me is thinking "leave her there." But at the same time, she's by herself, and I can't risk her driving home, so I go up to her, ask her what she's up to, where she's been, where her friends are, but she's so drunk and delirious, she could barely speak. She was just slurring about "getting home" and I was like no way, so I insisted on taking her. We get to my car, she falls asleep for a bit and I'm driving to her house.

Then mid way, she taps me on the shoulder telling me to pull over. She pukes a couple of times on the side of the road and then tells me to drive her back to her car. I tell her that I'm not going to, that she's in no condition to drive, but then she starts getting belligerent. She was screaming things like "take me to the car you a-hole" and "drive me back to my car you f-ing prick." When I refuse, she starts getting weepy and telling me that I'm treating her like a little kid, then she starts to get belligerent again. And that's when I snapped.

I told her to shut up and listen. I told her that yes, I was treating her like a little kid. I told her that I thought she was the most selfish and ungrateful girl I've ever met. I told her about the times I took her out, about her episode at my party and how she barely did anything to repay me afterward. I told her "I'm doing you a favor! You should be THANKFUL! I ran into you! I'm doing this because I CARE about you! If you drove home tonight, you'd have your brains smeared allover your dashboard less than a block away from the bar by now!" She then started to get weepy again and started whispering "you're right, you're right." I responded "I know I'm right! Now get back in the car right now!" It was, needless to say, an awkward drive back.

I got her home, and she apologized. I was still shaken up, but I told her it was okay. She hugged me and said "thank you" and like before, quickly walked away from me. After that, no contact, until Thursday.

I was having another party at my house. I had a facebook page for it and everything, but my friend, despite my having told him not to invite her, either completely disregarded my request or forgot about it and invited her (she was on the RSVP page) I still was attracted to her after all that time, but I didn't want another episode like these past 2.

I sent her an email through facebook telling her that I didn't want her at my party. I didn't say that it was because she was a raging, drunk slob, but because I still have feelings for her, but that if I can't have her, seeing her only hurts me.

She sends an angry email back saying that I'm being unreasonable an selfish (I'm being selfish? I never showed up at her house, got drunk and made her take care of me) and that it would be "hurtful" to end our "friendship" (Friendship? In almost a year, she has not invited me once to see her or to talk to her. We talked for a while after dated, but after that nothing. She only showed up once, uninvited by me, to my party and we ran into eachother once afterward by accident)

I was typing a response on Mozilla Firefox, but instead of hitting " shift+S " I hit "ctrl + S," which automatically searches for all the text on the page in Google and then opens it up on a new page. I found that she had a blog, and that she had posted my message, my private personal message for her eyes only, on it for all her friends to see, with my real name and everything, and calling me a "selfish jerk" and an "a-hole."

I'm livid right now. After all I did for her, she has the nerve to completely violate my privacy by posting my private, personal feelings and thoughts online. What even hurts more is that I scrolled down on her blog, and she was talking about dates and casual hookups with random guys she just met, and it hurts me that I did all those things for her and she never once offered her physical affection towards me.

What can I do? What can I say? I still care for her and want her, but I hate her for doing this, and I'm afraid that anything I tell her will end up posted online for her friends and mine to see.

[MadKat]

she's a nightmare... i would say ditch her completely...

[Anomaly]

I agree, the girl is obviously ruining her life, and taking you right along with her. You are better off finding somebody who will appreciate you, she is selfish, and you deserve somebody better than that. Never settle for somebody that will only make you miserable. Find your own confidence and the right girl will come along in time and she will treat you with respect. Best of luck!

[Tiay]

I just don't understand women sometimes. I just don't understand how a woman can say she wants to be single but at the same time hook up casually with a bunch of guys she barely knows. I don't understand how she can then refuse that same physical affection to someone who's been there for her a whole bunch of times. I don't understand how she can then get angry when one admits her feelings for her. This is a long story, but it needs to be told to understand the history I have with her, because trying to figure out what to do is killing me inside. Let me explain.

I read the whole thing. Wow, what a bitch. I'm sure the true extent of her bitchiness can't even be put into words. Cut her out of your life and move on, ASAP.

why do single people who go out drinking hook up with a bunch of random guys? I think you know the answer to that.
Why does she not do the same thing with you? Maybe she's only attracted to drunk guys who chat her up and have one-night-stands with her? Consider it a compliment and get the hell out of here.

Also, most unrequited love stories are less extreme than yours. Usually the guy is smitten and the girl just isn't attracted to him, but he's a good friend to her (mistakenly thinking that this will get him somewhere) and she sees no reason to stop being friends. And then the whole situation drags on and on. He's smitten enough to offer his ear and shoulder to her whenever she goes through a breakup, again mistakenly thinking that she'll eventually realise how wrong all those other guys are for her and how good he'd be. But all she sees is a friend being supportive. And their friendship grows closer and she's happy to leave it at that, but he's secretly hoping that the friendship will sprout into a relationship, no matter how much she tells him that it wont.
How do I know this? I *am* the girl in one of these situations.

But in your case, she's violating your privacy and not even being grateful, nor is there a real friendship to be lost. She's making it super easy for you to decide to cut her out. Do it.

[Cyanosphere]

But in your case, she's violating your privacy and not even being grateful, nor is there a real friendship to be lost. She's making it super easy for you to decide to cut her out. Do it.

That was the point of my emailing her; to cut her from my life. But it seems like no matter what I do to distance myself from her, she shows up again.

I'm not looking for a serious relationship with this girl. I did at one point, but I think she has proven she is not girlfriend material at all.

She said in her blog that she's into casual hookups. Fine then. I would not be as upset about our history if only once, JUST ONE TIME, we hooked up, but she wouldn't do even that.

And there's the issue of her posting my message online.

I nearly sent a furious, angry email last night telling her to take it down, but I was afraid that would end up online to. What should I do or say to get her to take it down? How can I tell her all of this?

[kene]

Another nice guy with some emotions for a stupid bitch.

Do yourself a favor, send her a short email saying you do not like what she did and ask her to take your personal stuff down.

And respectfully say goodbye and have nothing to do with her again.

If she shows up at your party, don't be a pussy, don't let her in the door. Full stop.

[Tiay]

I agree with kene. You were right not to send the nasty email- do not feed her with drama, she'd love that. Just ask her to take down your personal stuff or anonymize it or whatever. There is probably legal action you can take, but I am not the expert on that, and you should probably try asking nicely first.

That was the point of my emailing her; to cut her from my life. But it seems like no matter what I do to distance myself from her, she shows up again.

oh, it's impossible to cut her out, you say?... Hm, well, in that case, I suggest you just give up, lie down, invite her in and let her trample all over you repeatedly––

wait, what am I saying? Sure usually cutting someone out is as simple as not contacting them - which is what you were doing when you were actually trying to cut her out - but if she shows up, you'll just have to kick her out. Or leave. Don't let her in. Get your friends on your side.

I'm not looking for a serious relationship with this girl. I did at one point, but I think she has proven she is not girlfriend material at all.

She said in her blog that she's into casual hookups. Fine then. I would not be as upset about our history if only once, JUST ONE TIME, we hooked up, but she wouldn't do even that.

This part of your post made me lose the sympathy I had previously felt for you. What, she's supposed to sleep with you to say thank you? Just because a girl likes casual sex does not mean she hooks up instead of saying 'thanks'. Just because she sleeps with guys who you consider to be inferior to you doesn't mean she's automatically going to be attracted to you. She clearly isn't. Oh, and you just wanted to hook up ONCE? How generous of you. For all I know she's a manipulative, slutty drunken bitch, it still does not entitle you to expect sex.
Get over it, cut her out, move on.

[Cyanosphere]

This part of your post made me lose the sympathy I had previously felt for you. What, she's supposed to sleep with you to say thank you?

No, but I believe that after all the time and emotional investment I put into her, and all the drama she put me through, I deserve her physical affection more than anyone else. Why is it wrong to believe that?

Oh, and you just wanted to hook up ONCE? How generous of you. For all I know she's a manipulative, slutty drunken bitch, it still does not entitle you to expect sex.
Get over it, cut her out, move on.

I said "IF ONLY ONCE;" "IF ONLY" means "ATLEAST."

If I could have had her, even if only (atleast) one night, then I wouldn't be angry. Atleast some of my feelings for her would have been requited, and my history with her wouldn't have been a total waste.

I'm sorry, but I don't think there's anything you can say that will change my mind.

[Tiay]

No, but I believe that after all the time and emotional investment I put into her, and all the drama she put me through, I deserve her physical affection more than anyone else. Why is it wrong to believe that?

Because it doesn't work that way. Physical affection cannot be earned by favours or emotional investment. Who she's attracted to and who she sleeps with is her business and she owes nobody any sexual favours, not even for the time you pretty much saved her life when you stopped her from drink-driving.

I said "IF ONLY ONCE;" "IF ONLY" means "ATLEAST."

If I could have had her, even if only (atleast) one night,

no need to correct me, that's what I meant.

then I wouldn't be angry. Atleast some of my feelings for her would have been requited, and my history with her wouldn't have been a total waste.

I'm sorry, but I don't think there's anything you can say that will change my mind.

true, if she slept with you, it would have meant that she's attracted to you, meaning that your efforts to attract her wouldn't have been fruitless, I get that.
But she's clearly not attracted to you. You wasted your time on her, and she was not worth it. Learn from your mistakes and move on.

[lilmama615]

You sound like a nice guy but and there are plenty of other women out there who would appreciate that so let that ZERO go.

[lolly25]

I know it is hard when you care about someone to move on, but you need to do it. It is not doing you any good and she clearly has problems.

She needs to figure these problems out her self and get professional help. You have clearly been great to her and done a lot more than what most people would do. It is time to put your self first. There are plenty more nice women out there, ones that will treat you with respect and want to be with you.

You have done all that you can. You have been there for her and given her the opportunity to seek help and open up to you. She clearly does not want it and it will end up ruining your life.