what do I do... I need some incite...

[jane]

For once in my life, I really need to consider just what really is important to me and what I really want out of my life. I am not getting any younger and I am almost certain that I am destined to be alone.
About a month ago, I met someone, I thought, was different. Interestingly enough, he is different. He's smart, handsome, fun ... and completely my equal. In true "missy" fashion... I have completely screwed it up.
He's great. i love being with him. I love spending time with him. We have alot in common. More then anyone I have ever met, and yet, somehow.. I have missed something.
One minute I am joking around with him, like I always do, and then next he is telling me to leave so he can have a day to himself because I have completely scared him and he thinks I am some crazy psycho bitch. It started with the loss of his phone and on this day and age I KNOW that is a lifeline. It had all of his important information... phone numbers of important people in his life ... including mine. This was the only way to get ahold of me after all and vice a versa.
Talked to him after work one night.. .told me he would call me when he got home.... nothing.... so I called... You ok?... nothing .... so I called about 2 hours later ... after we all have lives we need to attend too... Did I do something wrong?? ... nothing .... this was a wednesday night ... on Friday morning .. .his roommate called and said his phone is missing .. I will leave him your phone number ... done... friday night ... I called again... did you find your phone? .. give me call. .... nothing .... so.. after careful consideration all morning I decided to go by his house unannounced .... I hate doing that but how else was I going to get a hold of him? ... So, He was sleeping. I woke him up and said.. Hi! Whats up? Why havent you called me? He says ... the intent was there... he got my number went down the hill to talk to some friends looking to use one of their phones ... yadda yadda yadda later... drank to much and went to bed.
Now, I understand how that happens... I also understand that he had the intent to call... but I was kinda hurt. I was kidding with him, again, like I always do... and said, oh.,.. I see where your priorties are! I was giving him a hard time.. he informs me that he wasnt feeling well... hangover was making him sick ... ok.. I get that too. He never eats when he's drinking.
OK.. so I tell him Im going out with my friends.. Im going to Esco. He said well.. Im sure I will see you later... I said no.. because I dont drink and drive (which he is very against!!) so.. Im going to stay there. I say bye.. I leave to go home ... nap.. shower ,, and out the door. I forgot to leave my phone number for him. He has said he had lost it when he went down the hill.
I stop by after work on Sunday and he says, Im very unpset. You were evil to me yesterday, I didnt apprecaite it. I say Im sorry. I was just kidding around.. then he proceeds to giveme the third degree and say things like... your predictable... your acting like my X, your actions like this are scary and you make me scared to be in a relationship with you. This is what my x did. Yadda yadda yadda,. I had a picture of us on my phone wallpaper.. I had taken off to celebrate my year anniversary of my best friend leaving and put his picture on instead, He thought I did it delebrately.
Thats when he says give me the day to get over it. After he compares me one more time to his crazy x. I havent spoken to him since. I left kinda crazy because I was about to cry and I didnt feel like I should do that in front of him. I was afraid to make it worse so I left. I did call when I got home and said a few more times how sorry I was. .... nothing...
So to make a long story short.. that was 2 days ago.. and again... no call from him. He obviously isnt over it and I have completely scared him away. The enlightening part of which I have titled this.. is that I think I am not girlfriend material and that I dont know when to quit. I feel awful today... much like I did yesterday only now.. Im really guilty and confused on what I should do. He's a great guy, He is defenately gun shy which I didnt realize how much until now.. and I have no way of making anything better. Yeah, I was hurt he didnt call. I thought I had done something wrong and that maybe he realized that I wasnt good enough for him. After all, I drive a freaking truck for a living. Not very glamourous. So... now what? God only knows... and I guess he does too.

Oh yea, the mysterious phone.. it was found Sunday morning. He didnt bother to call me because he was upset about the day before...

So, last week... he calls me at 9:30ish pm, and says he feels bad and he misses me. I said well, I have missed you too. We were on the phone for a little awhile, and he asks me to come over so we can talk. He lives down the road from me so I do.

Yadda, yadda, yadda... we end up in bed. I go to work and once again.... he hasnt called me. I'm really confused about the whole thing. I deleted his phone number but now I'm wondering if I made to much of it ....

whatcha think?

[Gigabitch]

****, Jane. I think he's a wanker. Also, he's clearly not over his ex or she wouldn't keep coming up in conversation.

Why in the world would you blame yourself for this? He's got some kind of phone disability and sounds like kind of a whinger and you think you're not good enough? No, no, no.

[misombra]

oh man. when you say you went to bed with him, does that mean sex?

leave him alone. guys like that are a recipe for pain. he wants you around only when he's lonely and needing a bone.

i'm sorry babe, even the best of us fall into that trap. how old are you again?

[jane]

yea.. we had sex... I know that he was just trying to get me into bed I guess I just wanted that not to be the case. I will be 37 next week, you would think I would know better! lol, oh well...

[misombra]

leave him alone. if he wanted to be with you, he would've found a way to call and wouldn't give a shit about what you do for a living.

unless you were a stripper or something, then you'd have some reason to worry.

how old is the guy?

[jane]

LMAO... 42.. going one 24

[Mish]

For once in my life, I really need to consider just what really is important to me and what I really want out of my life. I am not getting any younger and I am almost certain that I am destined to be alone.

You say it like it's a bad thing. There's nothing wrong with being destined to be alone. Embrace it. Accept it. Be proud of it. Have a 'lonely awareness and pride day'. Reward yourself for being a wonderful person you are. But don't be scared of it. Only then when you are completely and perfectly happy with being who you are will you be ready to meet your equal. But not before then.


As far as this other person you met goes. You should know that desperate and clingy is bad. Someone promises you to call, but they don't. See ya! Someone's playing mind games, not telling you what they think. See ya! Flaky / arrogant behaviour. See ya! Comparing you to an ex? See ya, see ya, see ya...

Respect yourself woman.

[jane]

LOL.. point made ... thanks!

[Cbrider]

You say it like it's a bad thing. There's nothing wrong with being destined to be alone. Embrace it. Accept it. Be proud of it. Have a 'lonely awareness and pride day'. Reward yourself for being a wonderful person you are. But don't be scared of it. Only then when you are completely and perfectly happy with being who you are will you be ready to meet your equal. But not before then.


As far as this other person you met goes. You should know that desperate and clingy is bad. Someone promises you to call, but they don't. See ya! Someone's playing mind games, not telling you what they think. See ya! Flaky / arrogant behaviour. See ya! Comparing you to an ex? See ya, see ya, see ya...

Respect yourself woman.

Mish is completely right, you can't expect another person to understand you or be comfortable with you until you are comfortable with yourself. Everyone grows into their skin on there own time table, some earlier, some later.

When I read your post I honestly thought this guy was early 20 somethings, not 42. He sounds like what Misombra said, a recipe for pain. I showed up here as a heartbroken and sobbing 21 year old because I was dating a girl who could give two shits less about how I felt, it was about her. I wallowed and had pity for myself for a while, but at some point you look around and see what a mess you are making for yourself. You put your hands down on the floor and stand up and vow not to let it happen again. This guy seems to still be wallowing and hung up on his ex which is NOT your problem and NOT something you should have to deal with. He obviously has some things to conquer in himself before hes ready to accept someone into his life. Don't sleep with him, its bad for him and worse for you.

Peoples feelings aren't toys, you don't just yank people around, it hurts whether they show it or not. He's yanking you around.

Relationships are work, but this is beyond relationship work with this guy. You get one shot with love, you're either there or you aren't Its one and done, because there IS someone out there that will get it right the first time and be there for you. Settle for nothing less than the best, its YOUR life and you deserve the best. Time is not a factor.