Being friends after a break up

[Susan]

me and my boyfriend split up a month ago after being together for just over a year. He ended it, saying that he had a lot of stuff going on at home and felt under too much pressure. part of me is starting to think that this wasnt true and he just used it as an easy way out. Anyway, the thing is that we work together in the same office. I cant avoid him as he sits 2 seats away from me and and a few of us (including me ex) all have lunch together in the staff canteen. When we first broke up i didnt take it well at all....it hit me very hard and i didnt cope very well. At work he was taking me out for lunch and stuff and being really friendly with me. At first i went along with it because i just wanted to be with him and i think i seen it as hope that he would want me back. That never happened and eventually i told him i didnt want to do it anymore cause i found it very hard. He accepted that and for a while he did back off but in the past week or so he is being very friendly with me again. I mean things like going out of his way to come speak to me, tell me things that i no longer need to know....like about his family or what he done at the weekend. He made a big deal about complimenting me on my new haircut telling me how good i looked and how much i suited it. I was off work for a few days last week and the time away from him really helped me a lot but going back today sort of put me back a few steps. He's still being overly friendly....coming over to talk to me, bringing me coffee etc. He even came to me today and asked if i had lost weight because im looking really good. he also said he missed me while i was off work. i have considered leaving my job as i felt like i was never going to get over him when i had to spend time with him everyday....although i am feeling a lot better now. I just dont know what to make of his behaviour lately. It seems that he wants us to be good friends but i dont know that this could work....not right now anyway. Is it ever possible to be friends with an ex?

[ecojeanne]

maybe he's feeling guilty or maybe he's the type that wants what he can't have after he's given it up. do you want to get back with him?

[CocoChanel]

i've heard of situations like this but dang this must be tough for you. sorry i cant offer any advice but I do wish you the best of luck!

[Susan]

part of me does want to get back with him because i do still love him. but at the same time part of me knows its prob not a very good idea. We split up before for a few weeks...when we had been together for around 5 months. I just kind of think that if it hasnt worked the first time then why would it work the third. I would constantly be worrying that he was going to break up with me again. im just so confused....dont know what i want. I know it wouldnt be a good idea, but i would find it so so hard to say no. im not even sure that he does want me back. Or is it just that he feels so comfortable being friends that he thinks i would feel the same. Maybe he doesnt realise that he's making things harder.

[ecojeanne]

well then tell him, be straight and tell him you can't hang out with him as friends just yet

[CocoChanel]

true. you should press the issue. let him know... i dont want to be friends, right now it's too hard. don't forget to tell him to make the distance last longer than a week.

[Chocolatesweets]

I think it is possible to be friends with an ex, but there must be a period where you and your ex don't see or make any contact with each other at all so you can get over each other. Or else, you might still feel like you're still a couple. After you have no more feelings for your ex, that is when you'll be ready to be friends. You're right, it's probably not a good idea to get back with him again. After a break up, it's normal that you still want to get back with him..my friends are always like that. So you'll have to stay strong and don't give in to temptation!

[Gigabitch]

He probably thinks he's "letting you down easy". basically, he just doesn't want to feel like a jerk for messing you up. It's also possible that he broke up with you to be with someone else and it didn't work out the way he hoped so now he wants to come back.

But the real question here is: Have you posted your resume anywhere, Susan? I think you should look for another job and become one of the people on LoveForum that convince others not to date coworkers.

[KPrincess91]

arter an unhappy love and what he caused to you, it's difficult for you to pass by. however, forgive him and you will feel better. it's possible to be good friends after a broken love.wish you all the best

[CocoChanel]

its just something about her leaving her job because of this dude that makes me mad LOL! I just hate that you have to do this in order to get over him. I wish you the best!!

[carl1222]

part of me does want to get back with him because i do still love him. but at the same time part of me knows its prob not a very good idea. We split up before for a few weeks...when we had been together for around 5 months. I just kind of think that if it hasnt worked the first time then why would it work the third. I would constantly be worrying that he was going to break up with me again. im just so confused....dont know what i want. I know it wouldnt be a good idea, but i would find it so so hard to say no. im not even sure that he does want me back. Or is it just that he feels so comfortable being friends that he thinks i would feel the same. Maybe he doesnt realise that he's making things harder.

That may well be true, Susan. To him, friendship is what he wants from you so he doesn't really feel the pain you are going through.

Carl.