I do not know where my relationship is going, things have suddenly fell apart.

[mafj99]

Hello,

I am looking for some advice as I am totally confused.

I have been with my girlfriend now for 18 months, and things have been going quite well. We had a slightly rocky start due to some issues that I had from a previous relationship.

Briefly about the issues - I had a very critical girlfriend when it came to being intimate who was very controlling which kind of stumped my confidence. She was also unfaithful and what also hurt the most about it was as well as lying to me it turns out I was picking her up and dropping her off unknowingly to the person she was cheating on me with.

I managed to overcome these issues with a understanding girlfriend (current) and those stopped being a problem.

Last summer my girlfriend came to stay with me for a few months as she was moving too a new flat and while she found a new place she came to stay with me. This was great and I think it helped strengthen the relationship and we became really close.

However she moved out at the start of this year to her new flat with her friend and things have kind of gone downhill since.

Obviously we don't see each other as much now we are not living together but that is understandable. Recently she has become very unhappy and always seems to snap at me a lot and tells me she is bored.

I try and do things with her but recently she is always very low, I know that she suffers with depression and she has said that she is fed up with everything and not just me.

I know she is also unhappy with the way she looks, personally I think she looks great. I know she says she put on a little bit of weight when she said here but she wasn't as stressed. I have told her that she looks great but I have supported her decision to go on a diet as well when she has come to e for advice on things to cook. What does annoy me is her friend who has a go at her is she has something unhealthy as then when I next see her and we have something to eat she is really angry as she thinks she looks fat. This then also causes problems when I try and get close as she doesn't want me to touch her.

My main concern right now is I feel us growing apart but I don't know what to do, she is stressed as she says she doesn't have enough time to do everything so when I try and get some time with her she gets annoyed as I am taking up the time.

I have tried giving her space but now she says she is bored and feels like we are going nowhere and don't do anything and the spark has gone. I am at a loss as nothing I seem to do works, I just can't seem to win.

Since she has been in her new flat I called her everyday on her way to work for a chat, the other week she had a go at me as I called her too much and she thought it was too much and sometimes she wanted some time to think on her way to work. So I said, that's fine if you want a chat then call. I you don't want a chat then don't call, I will not be offended. Since then she has called everyday on her way to work for a chat, I don't understand.

I have given her the benefit of the doubt as I know she is having another bout of depression and she is also a self-confessed commitmentphobe and she feels we have gotten too comfortable with each other.

Either way this is starting to get to me as I love her very much, I know she loves me as well but I am really confused.

Any advice, opinions?

S

[kate_spencer]

Since she has been in her new flat I called her everyday on her way to work for a chat, the other week she had a go at me as I called her too much and she thought it was too much and sometimes she wanted some time to think on her way to work. So I said, that's fine if you want a chat then call. I you don't want a chat then don't call, I will not be offended. Since then she has called everyday on her way to work for a chat, I don't understand.

I think she got scared or got worried that you'll get mad at her.. she don't want to lose you but she have this insecurities she can't overcome.
If she thinks she's getting fat, then exercise, eat more veggies, less meat and avoid too much sugar and drink a lot of water; take the stairs instead of elevator (why am I suddenly became a fitness guru? lol).. why don't you go with her diet and go to gym together, so she'll get motivation and think that you're supporting her and that nothing changed in your relationship.
I hope I at least helped.

[mafj99]

Thank you Kate for the reply, that is reassuring to hear.

I went and saw her last night and we had a nice night, went out on a proper date which is something we hadn't done for a while. Had a good long chat about everything that has been happening.

Obviously one night will not fix everything but it was small step and she had the twinkle back in her eye which I hadn't seen for a while.

She has started exercising and does eat a very health diet (being a veggie anyway), I always try and be supportive of her. I think part of it does come from the criticism she gets from her friend about having put on weight, though it seems to be me that gets it in the neck.

No doubt time will tell, last night did show a glimer of hope which was good. The past week has been stressful as I am had it weighing heavily on my mind and I thought seeing her last night might have been the last time but I am glad that was not the case.

Thank you once again,

S