Girlfriend not ready to have sex and now I know why....what to do?

[il.mafiozzzo]

I'm 22 years old and been dating my 21 year old girlfriend since November but it wasn't till about January we really started dating and hit it off. We always make out she lets me touch her and stuff like that but doesn't let me go further and now she told me why she is not ready for sex. She is from another country and only had one bf there for like 3 years and broke up with him at 18 and for 3 years had nobody and no sex. She came to the US in June and wanted a sex life and did 5 guys over the summer all one night stands! Now she feels very guilty and like a whore what she did and wants to take her time with me. I do like her and we have fun times but I also want sex. I'm not pressuring her and told her I can wait but each time we start playing around I feel like I get a case of blue balls. I told her maybe we shouldn't fool around all the time (I hate getting horny and her too and then she stops this whole thing) but she loves to play so I just don't know what to do.

[lesa]

You cannot control the physiological response of your body but you can control how you behave. You do have a point and should not engage in sexual play anymore if her stopping at a certain point bothers you. She can do whatever she wants with her body, regardless of her past. If you cannot agree then you should not be with her. You guys offically became a couple in January--it's now March. That's not a long time. She probably has stronger and better standards for herself now. I say good for her.

[Junket]

Pop one in the bathroom if she doesn't want to watch.

[Anomaly]

Be patient and don't force her into anything, she will satisfy you when she's ready. Right now just be happy that you have somebody that wants to be with you, over anybody else. Don't force her into making more mistakes than she already has, be better than all of those other guys, and don't be selfish. She will have sex with you when she is good and ready. Best of luck to the both of you!

[il.mafiozzzo]

I know she can do what she wants but it's getting kinda annoying how everytime she tells me she wants to f*** me so bad and how much she wants me etc. and then after all of this she says she's not ready! Lately she's been asking me if I'm having sex with other girls because she's not giving it to me. Man I just don't know what to do with all this!

[Only-virgins]

She came to the US in June and wanted a sex life and did 5 guys over the summer all one night stands

and you were ok with that? lol

[il.mafiozzzo]

and you were ok with that? lol

Well, she says (so she says) she only had 1 guy in her life then nobody for like 2-3yrs, her parents were always on her back, now she finally got her freedom and she just wanted to f*** and party! And now she says how bad she feels what she did and so she wants to take time with me! Oh well everybody got their dirty little secrets lol.

[Aeradalia]

She starts the engine... rev's it a few times... then turns the car off? WTF?

That's not right... If she doesn't want sex... then she doesn't need to get your motor revving.. Women can lose arousal like they change clothes... it's not quite so easy for men... and she needs to understand this. To do so to a man is bordering on cruelty.

Decide how far you think she should be able to go... then decide how much is too far... and let her know these boundaries... Talk with her and let her know that if she pushes you to this point, then you're going to really, really want sex. If she doesn't want sex at the time, then she doesn't need to get you to that point... plain and simple.

Nothing wrong with her not wanting sex... that's her prerogative... but it is cruel to tease you and can lead to unnecessary frustrations and even resentment.

[il.mafiozzzo]

And on top of things she always says she's sorry that she can't do it now but continues to talk how she wants me so bad and now she's worried if I'm having sex with other girls, isn't that something!? She's a really good girl and I don't want to break up but this is getting too much as well.

[Junket]

Tell her to do what she wants, but stop bothering you until she's willing to deliver due to your obvious frustrations with it.

[Tiay]

what frasbee said first.

I'll add that when me and my ex were starting to get into petting and stuff, but I wasn't ready for more yet, he would just go masturbate in the bathroom ( at least, in retrospect I think he did, at the time I was too naive to really consider it.. yes I know I was cruel; don't worry I made up for it )

I'm confused though.. is it sex you want, or would you settle for just getting each other off? Or at least, that seems like the next logical stepping point.
Sure if you just put a stop to all the touchy stuff you're doing now you'll avoid your blue balls... but, I don't think that's such a good idea..

firstly, every time I spend the evening fooling around with a guy, I go a bit further than the last evening I fooled around with that guy. So if you stop everything, you'll be resetting your level of sexual intimacy to pretty much zero. You wanna go forward not back!
I suspect that to be 'ready' she needs to inch forwards by going a bit further every time.
If you say "all or nothing", it'll just sound like an ultimatum which will probably piss her off and make you look like those other guys!
it's the exact opposite of what you want.

So how to solve the problem then? Well I dunno. Maybe you could get off before she comes over so you wont get turned on as easily? Or just go to the bathroom. Or, better yet, focus your petting more on her than you- she will eventually repay you

[GemStar]

I think that if you think it's time, you should show her how different this is. You're sort of a rock as opposed to the leaves which blew away before. This ISN'T a one-night stand. Of course, you would never want to pressure someone into doing something... But obviously, this situation is considerably different.

[Lonely Island]

and you were ok with that? lol

I thought the same thing


back on subject, just wait it out kid

[carl1222]

I don't usually give advice based on gut feelings, but I'm going to make an exception here because I have a strong nagging feeling that something doesn't ring true.

If she is truly the "repentant slut" she claims to be, then why is she letting you touch her "down there" as if having intercourse is so much more slutty than being finger f**ked? Why is she saying things like "I want to f**k you so bad" then refusing?

My gut feeling? she sounds more like a c**k tease than a reformed slut. Some girls get off on watching guys get frustrated. It's a combination of a power trip and real misandry (contempt for men).

I may be wrong ... do you know for a fact that she had sex with 5 guys? Or is this just something she told you? I think she's lying.

Carl.

[GemStar]

Good observation, Carl-- We don't know this to be a fact but.... Now that you say that... It sort of *does* seem like it.