What to do?! Does she love me or even like me?!

[Confused!]

Hi,

This ones a bit complicated but i`ll try to get to the point!

Met this girl about 5 months ago, we get on really well, same intrests, etc. Started meeting up spending time together, sleeping together, spending weekends together, etc. Shes confided in me about lots, whenever anything goes wrong in the past she always calls me no one else, is always cuddling up when we together, etc.

Ok, now for the confusing bit! When I met her she was with someone for 4 years. She told me from the outset all this, that she was not happy at home, and had not been happy for almost 3 years, and that she had met 2 other guys in the 2 years cos she was not happy and almost left the bf but bottled it in the end. The bf was for the past 2 years always making more of an effort with her sister then her, for example when visiting the parents house where the sister lives, sitting with the sister, ignoring her. He never shows her any affection, isn`t the bext lucking guy in the world, leaves all the crap arround the house for her to clean up, never really takes her anywhere, sleeps with her once like every 6 months, etc.She said she didn`t love him any more, the thing being he was her 1st and he is the only guy really she has known since leaving home.

After about a month of seeing me, she found a text on his phone to her sister saying she was hot, so ended it and moved in the spare room - she could not afford to move out and her job is just round the corner so she was trapped there, started seeing me properly and staying every weekend, etc.

Anyway, to get to the point!! Shes been telling me for ages that she wants to move over here, and talks like she wants to make plans with me for the future. When shes with me its great, she seems really happy and has a laugh and in terms of sex its like 50/50 as to who instigates it. She holds hands, cuddles, etc all the time when we together, and so on. Then after a few days of going back home shes distant with me but still calls all the time, etc.

She calls like 2-3 times a day, texts a lot, and in the 4 months of seeing her she has stayed almost every weekend.

Now for the problem. Last wednesday during the day she was still calling like an hour at dinnertime, usual stuff like "we" can do this, "we" can do that, with plans about things. Even the weekend before, I had asked her to her face if she was serious about wanting to move over, she said yes! Then that night she went quiet on me, and the following morning she didn`t call. I text her she text back and told me she wanted her ex back and just wanted to be my friend. I went over to see her after work to find out what was going on.

She then told me that night that what she had wanted to say when she text was she wanted to keep seeing me as we were whilst she sorted things out with the ex but didn`t think I would want that. She said no matter what she loved her ex, and she wanted to be back with him. Then she started to snuggle up to me in the car, then tried it on with me! That weekend, she came over and stayed as usual, still cuddling up, sleeping in the same bed, etc. The ex started texting her she was showing me and was texting back stuff and said to me when i said to stop that this was what she needed to get him out of her head.

Then after the weekend, she has still been calling me 3 times a day, but has stopped texting on a night when he gets home, but still calls me the following day! Last night I didn`t text at all not even night, she text late on saying goodnight, today nothing so far!

So I guess what I`m asking here is what the hell is going on?! Surley if she loved him and wanted him, she would stop spending time with me calling me even? Does she really love the ex, does she love me, does she even like me? I`m confused?! Should I just not text her and ignore her calls the next couple of days, I`m stuck as to what she actually thinks of me anymore! I do really like her and we do get on and when shes with me it does seem that she genuinley likes me, stares at me, plays with her hair, cuddles up to me, doesn`t move away if I touch her or go to hug her or hold her hand... Just don`t know what to think!

Only other thing worth mentioning is this - she is 20, her ex is 36 looks older lol, I`m 36 look late 20s. My mates think she sees him more as a farther figure as shes seen other guys behing his back, she has even admited to her mates that he won`t do anything with her and that I do!! She even said to me last week when we split then got back, that she "had a life with me!" when i asked her why would she still want to be friends with me or see me if she wanted him back. I have a feeling the ex has got in her head and is messing her about but I just don`t know what to do! She just says now she is happy with him, and wants to be back with him yet still calls me every day and is still on about coming to see me in a week or so to stay!

Help!!! I do like her so I`m not arsed about waiting arround, but not if she don`t actually like me - so what do you thing? Sorry its so long winded, its complicated!!

[Confused!]

I should have added that she don`t really have anyone else either shes a bit of a loner, basically the ex, a couple of friends, and me. Don`t know if that makes any difference, but I`d say she never treated me as just a friend in the first place!

[GemStar]

I'm sort of curious how old you are also. I had a really similar situation when I was about.. 18 I guess. I met this girl, hit it off, she was hot, yadda yadda yadda... She had a BF who she loved but who was going to jail... Which I ultimately decided was why she was with me at all I guess. It was just like what you're saying... We'd be together like everything was great and then I wouldn't talk to her for a week and she'd disappear... Well, I guess it's not exactly like what you're saying.

The plain fact is that she's torn between her feelings for you and this other guy. I suppose what you need to decide is whether you want to try to argue your point or not... Basically, the "end-all" speech where you try to convince her to leave the other guy forever while you point out all his faults and why he's no good. This can be done but do it with absolute caution if you do because it can also stir up bad karma if you're not careful. Make sure you are confident in the way you feel and such....

Beyond all that... Open and honest communication is what usually saves relationships. I always say, in any situation which has tension, to stay cool. Always keep that internal calm and cool and you will always be able to think clearly. Good luck.

[GemStar]

P.S. Don't get all crazy with my advice about the "end-all" speech. I'm just saying if the situation is out of hand and not looking good for you, you can do that......

[Confused!]

Thought I`d mentioned ages in the last bit - I`m same age as her ex.

Basically bit more to add, last time she stayed over after she had said she wanted to be back with her ex and just be friends with me / then backtracked to wanting to see me again, she left her fb signed in whilst havinga shower so i had a quick look at her messages!

basically she had told her firends even the day before she told me she wanted back with her ex, that she hated him and would not forgive him!

And to another firend she had said the day I saw her facebook when asked, that she was giving her ex another chance, - quote she said " yes i`m getting back with my ex, but he never wants to do anything with me so I go with (me) instead!"

I do think she likes me, maybe even loves me, but I don`t know exactly what she wants cos shes hot and cold, I just don`t think she knows anything other then this guy she has been with all the time...