Lonliness Gets in the Way of Work

[CAM]

Its nearly midnight and I'm still awake. Lonliness can sometimes eat a whole in the soul. Do not want a girlfriend. Do not desire getting laid (did that within the last year and I keep to a strict once every six year schedule). Do not even actually want someone in the same room. Just someone around to say, "Come to bed, now!" and the snuggle a bit while I fall asleep.

Had a party tonight, guests and all. When they leave, the being alone part is more apparent. In fact, I'm glad when they leave and its quiet, but then I feel an empty space in life.

It makes work harder the next day cause I'm tired from going to bed so late. And, it becomes a vicious cycle. Relationships cut into work, so relationships are ducked, so loneliness cuts into work so get into relationship....you get the picture.

There is a plan for me, I see it. The plan is that I'm supposed to dedicate my life to a particular type of work. That's my special calling, I know that. I'm supposed to do great things and will do great things--I know that. Does that mean that I must be alone forever? One for another...the true blessing of a mission, a goal in exchange for the pleasure of a more complete life?

Just thinking out loud. I already know the answer--that I can have both and might have both; just be calm, Cameron...give it more time and more patience.

[ecojeanne]

Cameron why limit yourself? we are biologically made to procreate, honestly you sound like a narcissist. it's not just about sex as you pointed out, it's about the companionship that you want but don't want and yet you limit yourself to having sex every 6 years. you're gonna have a fairly miserable life by your own doing

[CAM]

Cameron why limit yourself? we are biologically made to procreate, honestly you sound like a narcissist. it's not just about sex as you pointed out, it's about the companionship that you want but don't want and yet you limit yourself to having sex every 6 years. you're gonna have a fairly miserable life by your own doing

Hardly a narcissist I'd say its more an unwillingness to bend on principle. Compromise is fine until it comes to core principles. And frankly, every relationship I've had seems, itself, to be a compromise in the downward direction. I would prefer to live up. We should seek always to improve the conditions under which we live, not the other way around.

Current existence: Its not miserable, but it is missing something, yes. Its morning now and that is always a brighter time---the mornings!

[IndiReloaded]

Hardly a narcissist I'd say its more an unwillingness to bend on principle. Compromise is fine until it comes to core principles.

+1

You do fine, Cam. If I had seen this thread yesterday I would have told you to "get to bed". Sorry about the snuggle, tho.

I'd like to know what your mission is, tho. Mine is to stamp out ignorance whenever I get the chance. Even (especially? Ha!) here on LF. Get them while they are young.

[Mish]

Emptiness, will be a hard pill to swallow

[Aeradalia]

Probably too young to really contribute... but in my limited time of existence I have learned that relationships come and go... friends come and go... the only thing constant is change.

It's up to you to take from these changes something good that can improve you as a person. We'd all like to find that one person who can be our 'constant' in an ever changing world... I'm not sure if such a person exists...

Even if such a person does exist for each of us... we have to filter out those that do not contribute to our personal growth from those that do... That will always be top priority --- even more so than finding someone we can spend the rest of our life with... it might even be a contributing factor to increasing the odds of finding such a person.

[ecojeanne]

cameron, the reason I thought you were a narcissist was coz of a few key giveaways: you think you are special by the way you describe your mission in life and plan and do great things. You feel that no-one is good enough to have a relationship with you by what you said which backs up thinking you are special compared to any other biological made of cells human being. You say you limit sex to every 6 years, care to answer why? Has it something to do with some idea of how special you are to all of us here on earth?!

[CocoChanel]

CAM i understand but i guess our situation is a bit different. At night I have sleeping issues. I sleep better when my fiancee is with me. When he leaves I feel lonely sometimes. I remember the time when he had to leave for a month... work stuff... I cried terribly for so many nights. Even now I barely sleep at night. I have my other reasons... but I always sleep better when he is in bed with me. I feel safer.

[Aeradalia]

I find nudging up next to a pile of pillows helps... fall asleep like a baby then...

[CocoChanel]

Yeah that helps too. I also wear his shirts too. LOL! Sometimes smelling him...Rawrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... helps. So I guess I can understand how CAM feels. Maybe if he has a partner... ya know?

Only thing is... it doesn't interfere with me work a lot. I just go into my office shut my door for an hour and go to sleep. I sleep during my lunch break too sometimes. LOL! But it hardly messes with my work performance

[Aeradalia]

Well Cam is in a different predicament... whereas in my case... my heart is satisfied in that I do have someone I love and who loves me... they are just far away, but I know they will eventually return.

For Cam, his heart is not satisfied... so he has uncertainty of what the future may bring (in regards to love and companionship) to contend with in the wee hours of the night. That form of loneliness is much stronger than missing someone because they are away....

[misombra]

i'll be nice.

[CocoChanel]

Omg this is some crazy shet!!

[misombra]

i know should i take it down before cam stabs me in the eye?

[Junket]

Generally, I sleep better by myself.

I sprawl on the bed and move around a lot.