Dating vs. relationship?

[GreenYoyo]

Hi all,

I need to apologize in advance if this becomes a long-winded tale. I'll try to be detailed but concise...

So I met a guy while he was in school, long-distance from where I am. We've seen each other a couple times since then, and have been on dates during those times. In between the times we see each other in person, we chat online or on the phone a lot. It feels like a pseudo-relationship.

Here's the dilemma. His last relationship was a very long-term one. We had a talk recently and he told me that since that relationship he told himself that he wanted to date around for a while before getting into something serious. Then he met me. I am looking for something serious and he knows it.

Now he's torn. He wants to date other people, but he also knows he'd be passing up something great with me. (We get along so well and are very compatible with each other.)

So my questions:
1) What's this obsession with dating other people? Just to get more "notches" on his belt? For more relationship experience? Because he thinks a serious relationship isn't fulfilling or exciting?
2) Can I possibly win in this situation? Even if he chooses to get into a relationship with me, will he regret the chance to live the bachelor lifestyle, and thus resent me for it? I'm afraid that if I get what I want, he won't be 100%.

In the end we decided to wait and see where things head when he finishes school and moves back in the summer, but should I even be waiting? Argh, it makes my brain hurt!

[Cbrider]

I feel the same way your friend here does, relationships are great, but only if your ready for one. I have no desire to be in a relationship of any form right now because I just prefer being single. I felt very tied down in my last one and you miss the single life once you get a taste of it again.

I can't speak to how your friends last relationship went, but it sounds like he wants his freedom and sense of adventure. Just because a person wants to date around doesn't entail that he/she is a whore either. I know I use to think that way, but once you actually fall into that feeling you better understand it.

Its hard to say whether you can win this or not, its not really even something you can fight for, he will come around all on his own if he so desires it. I personally think you are best off just forgetting him altogether. If he wants you he will find you no matter what it takes, its not fair that you sit on the fence while he decides, but this also isn't a decision he should be rushed to make.

A word of advice, DON'T be clingy, he wants his space and I guarantee if you get clingy he will run the other way as fast as he can.

[Mish]

There could be a few reasons. Including, but not limited to, consider:

1. He's not interested in anything serious right now
2. He's not ready to commit.
3. Doesn't want to relive the bad sides of relationship
4. Not ready to settle down
5. Looking for someone better

You won't be able to guess the right reason. The only way to know is to ask directly.

[GreenYoyo]

A word of advice, DON'T be clingy, he wants his space and I guarantee if you get clingy he will run the other way as fast as he can.

Yeah, I'm not trying to be the demanding, neurotic girl here. I always say that girls are crazy. I really am trying to cut back on the crazy!

It is a little difficult not to be though, because having come out of his long relationship, I don't think he really knows how to act like anything but a boyfriend. I feel like I might not be so confused if he actually treated our relationship like dating. I mean, he's told his family all about me and everything. Talk about mixed signals!