Dump her or keep her? What do you make of this...?

[Freefalling]

If someone is in a relationship and the girl loves chilling, hanging out, getting high, partying...you know, a party girl. And one day she asks her man to go party with her...but her man refuses cz he dont feel like partying. He just wants to chill with her. But she really wants to go party...with him. He says that if she wants to party real bad then its ok for her to go without him. But she insists that he goes with her cz she doesnt want to go without him. Mind you that she'd already made plans to go party with her friends before this coversation...phone conversation. Anyway, the conversation heats up, he hangs up on her. Shortly afterwards she texts him saying that she is coming. She comes over dressed real sluty, bra-less top exposing her entire chest all the way to the start of her belly - think wearing a v shaped top...so your waists, chest and half of each breast is exposed. High heels and really tight jeans. Dressed to party. He asks her why she came over and why she didnt go party. She says she doesnt want to go party if he isnt going. So they chill for a while before she starts calling her friends asking them about parties going on...her friends turned out to be in a party and she asks if she could come with her bf. The guy throwing the party says that she could come alone...she pleads to bring her bf, he refuses. She says she wont come if her bf cant come. She calls someone else, another party, the guy says its ok to come over with her bf. Then she starts pleading her bf to go to the party. But her bf refuses cz he dont feel like partying. Keeps persuading him to go for more than 30 mins. During this whole thing they have sex...in the middle of sex the phone rings...she answers it. The guy asks if she is coming or not. So again she begs her bf to go. He says she could go but he is not coming. She says that she doesnt want to go without him. He calls again, she asks for directions to his place...the party. He gives it to her and asks if she and her bf would like to get picked up, so she gives him the directions to where she was so he could come and pick them up. This without consulting her bf. While she was giving directions, she urges her bf to get dressed and that they are going together. She hangs up and brings his clothes and trys to put it on him. Shortly afterwards the guy reaches the place they were at and she literaly begs her bf to go to the party and how much she really needs to partly, and how much she really needs him beside her and how much she wants to show him off. But her bf refuses so she leaves him and goes to the party with her guy friend....
Now the point to this long story. Should the guy dump her or.....??

[Lonely Island]

You shouldnt let one little argument decide weather you are going to dump her

You obviously dont want her any more

I understand if you didnt want to go party, but you should be open to her needs

[The_bobb]

Just a side note for anyone reading this that's new to the board... Quit asking your question in the third person. It's really hard to follow. By that i mean, Just say "ME and MY Girlfriend".


So anyway, yeah, one little argument isn't a good reason to think of dumping her. But on the other hand the fact that you ARE thinking about it, tells me maybe you want to and your just using this one argument as a reason to justify yourself.

It's not always about what YOU want. Your girlfriend wants you to be social with her group of friends, this is a good thing. Would you rather she was never spending anytime with you?

And lastly, How long have you guys known each other. And of that time, how long have you been dating? Because i'm VERY hard pressed to believe you didn't know she was a social girl, before you started dating. And if you didn't know before starting this relationship. Then well it's not a very good relationship to begin with.

Conclusion... My guess is you just don't love her. Don't use a petty argument to make yourself feel better about leaving her. If you truly don't love her anymore, then just man up and say it.

[Freefalling]

First of, my bad for writing in the 3rd person. Id already written it to text a friend before deciding to post it here.

Anyway, i DO love the girl. If i didnt then i wouldnt have bothered to type all the above and ask for advice. If i didnt love her then it wouldnt have bothered me at all. Its because i love her that what she did really offended me. And yeah...we DIDNT have an argument. There was no argument at all. She left perfectly OK. It wasnt like she stormed out mad or anything.

Ps. She been calling me hella crazy (like 30 times a day) and texting me but ive been ignoring. She also ditched work and came to my place but i wasnt there. But she thought i was there so she stayed out knocking and pleading me to open the door. (i know cz she was texting me). She says that she really loves me and pleading not to do this to her and that she could never be with anyone else.

[Lonely Island]

First of, my bad for writing in the 3rd person. Id already written it to text a friend before deciding to post it here.

Anyway, i DO love the girl. If i didnt then i wouldnt have bothered to type all the above and ask for advice. If i didnt love her then it wouldnt have bothered me at all. Its because i love her that what she did really offended me. And yeah...we DIDNT have an argument. There was no argument at all. She left perfectly OK. It wasnt like she stormed out mad or anything.

Ps. She been calling me hella crazy (like 30 times a day) and texting me but ive been ignoring. She also ditched work and came to my place but i wasnt there. But she thought i was there so she stayed out knocking and pleading me to open the door. (i know cz she was texting me). She says that she really loves me and pleading not to do this to her and that she could never be with anyone else.

She obviously loves you

Quit being a baby and take her

[Gigabitch]

She was a party girl all along, right? Didn't you sign up for that when you got together?

[The_bobb]

...Anyway, i DO love the girl. If i didnt then i wouldnt have bothered to type all the above and ask for advice...

Not true, you could just be looking for someone to side with you to make you feel better about it. We see it all the time.

...Its because i love her that what she did really offended me...

And what was it that she did?! She did what you were telling her to do THE WHOLE TIME! She left without you! Now if you mean the whole dressing you and begging you to go, you should have just gone. It was obviously important to her.

...And yeah...we DIDNT have an argument. There was no argument at all. She left perfectly OK. It wasnt like she stormed out mad or anything...

Oh please, there doesn't need to be yelling or storming out for it to be an argument. The argument: She wanted you to go with her. You didn't want to. And now your upset by the whole thing. That's an argument.

Ps. She been calling me hella crazy (like 30 times a day) and texting me but ive been ignoring...

Why? If there wasn't an argument WHY are you ignoring her texts? From your post i can't see that she did anything wrong. Maybe she was a little pushy, but a lot of guys would kill for their girlfriends to want to spend time with them.

...She says that she really loves me and pleading not to do this to her...

Do what? Did you already dump her?

And as for the whole "pounding on my door" thing she SAID she did. That's a little creepy, i'll give you that. But again, she SAID she did it. You don't know if she actually did. She could be trying to make a point.

I don't know man, it still sounds like your just looking for a reason to dump her and you came here hoping we'd side with you. But the sad truth of it? I don't think she did anything wrong (based off what i read).

PS: You never answered my question. How long have you known each other? How long has this relationship been going on? And how old are the two of you?

[Freefalling]

Appreciate your input everyone.
We've been "officialy" together (in a relationship) for about a month. But we've known each other for a little over a year. We werent exactly friends...but more like friends with benefits - without much "benifit", if any at all. Really complicted. Dont know how to label the relationship we had. What i know is that she was falling in love with me...which made having sex with me a nearly impossible thing thing to do. Her reason was that she could easily have sex with someone that she didnt feel emotionaly towards. And since she had emotional feelings for me...it was very difficult to get physical with me. Reason being that someone she didnt have feelings for could never hurt her...but i easily could. We didnt have "proper" sex till we actualy sat down and i let her know that from that moment on we were "officialy" going to be in a relationship...and thats because i loved her too.
Now the reason i feel the way i do about what happened is because i beleive that if she really cared...she would have never left. We hardly get to see each other because i am almost always busy with work. And the times im free, she's working. And the one time we had a chance to be together...she decided to go out and party and just leave me behind, even though it was sooo obvious that i really didnt want her to go. And on top of that...she has a guy whom she engaged in forplay with before she knew me come and pick her up from my place!! Moreover, she was dressed like a hooker to go chill and trip in a gathering full of guys. I mean come on! The whole thing just doesnt feel right. Leaving your man in his place dressed like a slut and getting picked up by a guy you got intimate with to go to a gathering where you know for certain that you are going to be hit on the entire night??? I dont know if thats supposed to be normal. She didnt even kiss or hug me good bye. I was on the bed. She put on her clothes and make up and waked out...while a was still on the bed.

Ps. She is 20. I am 28. A 20 -year-old girl that could easily pass for 25

[alovehangoverr]

Well, what did you really expect from a 20 year old? You're 28, probably ready for a more settled down relationship, partied out.. and she's just starting out.

There's two ways to look at this:

1. She wanted to party. She was very clear that she wanted you to go and asked you over and over and over again. Even went out of her way to make sure she could bring you to this party.. and you refused to. Why didn't you want to go? Did you ever explain to her why you didn't go/what you would rather do? I'm just saying.. it sounds like she had these plans [you mentioned that] and she tried to include you so she could both party and spend time with you. Wanting to show you off is also a compliment to you.. you refusing to let her do that probably hurt her feelings.

2. She did what she wanted regardless of your feelings and left with some other guy.

I personally think it's more of a misunderstanding and leaning more toward option 1. If she didn't care, she wouldn't have come over, still tried to get you to go, etc. Did she have plans with you prior to her making plans to go out? If not, what were you really expecting? Her to blow off her friends and everything because you wanted to hang out? That's unrealistic.

As for what she was wearing, the people she was hanging out with, etc.. you've known her over a year. You know she likes to party. You know who her friends are. You know how she dresses. Why is this an issue now? You had to know what you were getting yourself into, so why are you so upset by it now?

From the sound of things, you don't want to be with her. You've basically said she's a slut and you don't trust her. I think she should dump you.

[The_bobb]

...I think she should dump you...

I couldn't agree anymore... how she put up with you this long is a mystery.

...she decided to go out and party and just leave me behind, even though it was sooo obvious that i really didnt want her to go...

Oh REALLY?!? (look below)

...He says that if she wants to party real bad then its ok for her to go without him...He says she could go but he is not coming...

Does THIS sound familiar?


The funny part is, i doubt you even SAID "Hey i don't want you to go, because i want to spend time with you." Nope, i bet you just starting pouting like a child. The one chance you had to hang out with her and YOU blew it, not her. Don't blame her because she did exactly what you told her to do. She did everything short of drugging you and dragging you to the party. So what if you didn't want to go. You'll learn (slowly at this rate) that your girlfriends are going to WANT to do and not do things too.

Get over yourself.


PS:

...She didnt even kiss or hug me good bye. I was on the bed. She put on her clothes and make up and waked out...while a was still on the bed...

Told you, it WAS an argument.

[Freefalling]

lol... Y'all gotta be women.

[Aeradalia]

lol... Y'all gotta be women.

Side-stepping the "how sexist can you be" argument... though I'm sure another female would be more inclined to do so.

Everyone's opinions aside... the fact remains... she's sociable and you're not. So you're being passive aggressive with her... which really isn't fair. She shouldn't have to change who she fundamentally is just for you (or for anyone for that matter). Neither should you have to change who you are for her... It works out much better when you find someone who is much more compatible with you.

I can't really tell you if her actions were inappropriate... or if you're wrong. All I can say is that your views differ enough from hers to where there will always be constant arguments (loud or quiet).

You're not making each other happy... and sex alone can be rather hollow when the desire for 'someone who understands you' comes into play.

Some of the main purposes of having a relationship is to bring happiness to both the majority of the time, maintain the love you feel, and help both to better themselves.

Can you honestly say you feel happy with her the majority of the time or that you feel you are a better person for having met her? If you're not sure... or you answer no... then it might be time to determine if you're just wasting time here.

[Freefalling]

Finally, a constructive to all the criticisms. Thanks Aeradalia.

[carl1222]

Finally, a constructive to all the criticisms. Thanks Aeradalia.

I agree with every word that Aeradalia said ... but I also note that you are thanking her for telling you what you wanted to hear ... "tell me why I should dump her."

So dump her if that's what you want to do. You have absolute absolution from all of us (as if that matters)! The rest of the posters were telling you why you should not be unrealistic and selfish. So I suggest that you use their comments for introspection and to your own profit as well.

Carl.

[The_bobb]

lol... Y'all gotta be women.

Nope, i'm a guy and i'm ALSO younger than you. But some how have a stronger grip on how a relationship works than you... Hmm...

And on a side note, ever bit of advice on here IS constructive. We don't know you or her, well enough to even be ABLE to criticize. Meaning, IF all you got were posts saying your over reacting and you need to chill. Then maybe you are and you should. You asked for advice and that's what you got, if you didn't like it tough.

I'll just tell you want to hear: Yes she's a horrible woman for wanting you to share in her social circles. Yes she's a horrible person for putting up with your crap. And finally, YES you should dump her and let her move on.