Very Confused....is this a lost cause or should i keep trying. ( warning a lil long)

[LonelyGuy61]

Hi im new to the forum and just want to see if a current situation of mine with another person is worth trying for or just a waste of time and energy..... well here i go
I will start by telling a little about myself

I am not going to say that I am a saint by any means as i have a very checkered past invovling drugs. I have done some bad things in my life that i regret.

for the last few years ive been known as basically a very nice person who does bad things from time to time, but also someone who is very very good to those whom he cares about. About a year ago i started to smarten up and now i am committed to changing that around to all positive thinga and have slowly but surely filtered all the negative people out of my life.

I am in my early 20s and there is a girl that i have known for quite some time. She is a few years younger than me and is in an on again off again relationship with someone who is abusive and violent towards her due to his major drug problem.

She is a very beautiful girl she used to do some modelling i believe and is also a good person on the inside but i fear this relationship shes in is going to kill her one day.....either the drugs or the boyfriend will eventually do it even tho if shes not around him she doesnt do the drugs. All the terrible things that she tells me about what happens really bothers me because i grew up around domestic abuse so its something that really gets me upset. The boyfriend is one of those guys thats very small in stature so i think because he couldnt really beat up anyone else i feel that he has to take his anger out on her to feel like a man. He knows that i talk to her and take her out sometimes but is quite intimidated by me.

Any time she is with me all she tells me is that i am the only person who says shes pretty or that i make her really happy and that she really needs someone like me to help her in her life because all i do is make her happy and laugh. On one hand i believe her but on the other i think that the only reason she says those things are because i used to be the one supplying all the drugs and alcohol.

The last time i saw her we were at a bar and all she said was how much she cared about me and that she loved me and was so grateful for how much i cared about her because few do.....and kissed me but then she goes ahead and takes off with another guy.

i know thats alot to read lol.....but im just very confused about this...on one hand i want to be with the girl but on the other i honestly just want to help her get away from that guy and all the drugs because i can see that shes a special girl inside and it would honestly kill me inside if she were to die because she has overdosed and been near death quite a few times.


one second i think she wants to be with me the next i tihnk she just uses me like very mixed signals she sends so what should i do....any advice???

[corinthian]

This is way outside the realm of my experience but my instincts are telling me that no good can come from any involvement with this girl.

You have had enough problems yourself and you need to be around completely different people, i.e. people who basically have no drug problems and who are in fact free from any major issues such as domestic abuse. I know you want to help this girl but you have to recognise your own limitations here. Sorry, this is a completely lost cause.

[alovehangoverr]

This is way outside the realm of my experience but my instincts are telling me that no good can come from any involvement with this girl.

You have had enough problems yourself and you need to be around completely different people, i.e. people who basically have no drug problems and who are in fact free from any major issues such as domestic abuse. I know you want to help this girl but you have to recognise your own limitations here. Sorry, this is a completely lost cause.

I agree with this.

You're young. You've just gotten out of some really serious and bad situations and you're on the road to bettering yourself.

Falling back in with people who are around drugs and abuse is just not a good idea.

Is it selfish? No. Absolutely not. You need to look out for you.. and you're putting yourself at risk by being involved with this girl.

I know you want to help.. but realistically, it's not going to happen. She has to want to stop doing the drugs. She has to want to stop being in an abusive relationship. It's incredibly difficult to break those cycles.. and until she takes charge and does it for herself, you're out of luck. You can tell her she's beautiful, you care about her, etc.. but that's not going to make her leave her abusive and drug filled relationship.

[carl1222]

This goes beyond just being trapped in a relationship with her on-again, off-again boyfriend.

You said: "The last time i saw her we were at a bar and all she said was how much she cared about me and that she loved me and was so grateful for how much i cared about her because few do.....and kissed me but then she goes ahead and takes off with another guy."

To me, this means that 1) she doesn't think of you "that way"; or 2) she's not the victim here (if she is seeking out new drug-mates); or 3) she's a slut who runs off with strangers.

She is so not worthy your emotions and effort. You are not her Knight in Shining Armor.

Carl.