My Story, Your Thoughts and Comments.

[Fatal_End]

Alright, so here's what's going on. I'm male, 24, single, and am currently going to college to hopefully transfer into a 4 year university. Just recently, I noticed this really cute girl sitting next to me in one of my classes.

Before I go any further, I've heard many times that confidence helps a lot. However, I have little or more like zero experience in a relationship. I don't think I got many good qualities, and there are definitely some things I would like to work on personally.

Anyway, back to this really cute girl. She is pretty much what I have want. I've never had any girl smile to me, talk to me, and touch my arm sometimes like she does. I've somewhat did my research online, and those *seem* like promising signs but as I have no experience, I don't really know if it's just a dream or her just being super polite.

Now, I'm going to be having spring break for one week starting next monday, but will be going out of town on sunday. I've been trying to ask a couple people I know for advice. On tuesday when I have class with her 2 days ago), we talked a lot, and she was about to go home after we chatted a bit after class when I asked for her phone number so we can study. So according to my friend, I made a couple mistakes here:

- I shouldn't have said studying but should have said something like coffee or a picnic or whatever
- I didn't give her my number (I completely forgot in that moment)

So after I got her number, I talk to my friends and they tell me I should call her immediately, as waiting would lower my chances of possibly dating her. I call her today in the afternoon, I think she cut the call midway while it was still ringing and it went to her voice mail box. I left her a message saying hey, it's me, was wondering if you wanted to hang out/study, call me. Then later I realise I bust another dumb move:

I forgot to give her my number again.

Chances are, if it was her cell that I called then my number should be in the missed/received calls I think, or so my friend said. She hasn't called back yet, and chances are, my hunch tells me she won't. What's even worse is if she hates me now, it'll be awkward being in the same class.

Am I doomed? Help me out! Any feedback or advice is welcome! Thank you!

[tooxshort]

What was the rush in calling her? I think it's always better to wait it out awhile ... And it doesn't matter if you gave her your number right then and there ... You could've just texted her "Hey, it's <blah> ... here's my number in case you wanted to give me a call sometime too." ... or something along those lines.

I think a lot of people would agree that calling her immediately would make you seem more desperate. How does waiting lower your chances of dating her? I mean, you've gone over half the semester WITHOUT calling her ...a few more days wouldn't hurt. And why would she hate you? She has no reason to.

I suggest you sift through some of the threads on the board to learn how the game is played. Good luck!

Oh, and just to let you know, you should work on those personal things you want to work on before you start thinking about relationships and such. Once you like and believe in yourself, the girls will come.

[Fatal_End]

Ok, thanks...

I've noticed that aside from you, many topics get attention for being rather... unintelligent. Say like the one about the guy cheating with a co-worker when he has a good wife and doesn't want to adopt a child after trying to conceive, or the lame asian guy who let's race get in the way of relationships.

I'm not a sociopath like the guy who can't tell he's wrong and doesn't just let his wife pursue a happier life without him. And guess what? I'm a asian guy who's had plenty of "western" girls show interest. Whatever "western" might mean, actually. This girl I just mentioned in my story above is a really cute blonde and blue eyed girl.

I find it very interesting that in today's world a lot of people have more things to say to an unfaithful, mentally confused and childish/selfish man or a man insecure about his race than someone who genuinely just came to a forum to ask for advice from experienced and seasoned people.

Anyway, thanks tooxshort!

[tooxshort]

Well, think of it this way. Although the threads may not be "intelligent" as you say, they're much more complicated than your situation.

Basically, cheating will open up the floodgates to bashing and stuff like that. But simply asking for a bit of advice on when to contact a girl, not many people will have to offer up a crazy opinion. But I think you'll be safe with my advice.

As for being Asian with "western" interest ... I'm sure you figured out many of these things after the fact. No need to rush into contact, but it doesn't necessarily mean to wait forever. I think there's a thing called the "3 day rule."

BTW - I'm Asian and married w/ a child on way ... in case that makes a difference on whether or not I'm qualified to give advice on such things.

[Fatal_End]

I guess my question now is, when I come back from my spring break what do I do?

I could just play it off and act like nothing's different, but there might be the fact that things will be awkward since we'll still be in the same class until the end of the semester, and I don't want someone to hate my guts because I "called too quick". By all means, I'm not desparate or trying to get into her pants, I just want someone who I could be happy with (which, I guess is everyone's ideal to be happy with someone they love).

The reason why I called in 2 days is because I had 2 people I trust tell me that if a girl is smiling and touching you, she is interested and it'd be stupid to wait as waiting might make them think I'm not interested and they'll move onto someone else. One of these two people is a woman, so I thought it was somewhat valid. I read a few times on how some people waited and then they found someone while they were wondering if they should ask them out or not. I guess I didn't want that to happen so that's why I called. It's also so hard to determine since every girl is different so you can't really use the same strategy and expect all girls will swoon for you with this strategy... I treat any encounter with any girl as a case-by-case experience.


I was just saying about the other guy who was making it seem like being asian is a handicap lol. You seem like a cool guy and I do appreciate your advice and thoughts. Congratulations on your kid, and many best wishes for you and your family!

[tooxshort]

Oh, I get it ... but in reality, would you want someone who'd hate your guts for calling them too fast? Or would you want to be with someone who would be so easy as to find someone so quickly? Not saying that you had to wait over a week to call ...

Anyhow, when you leave a message, leave the studying part out ... realistically, you want to hang with her just to hang with her ... Don't try to make it seem too business like. But I know how you feel ... I was shy before ... still am to an extent (even though I don't have to be! haha).

When you get back from spring break, just act normal ... Don't make it seem like you're devastated ... She'll probably be more attracted to your aloofness than if you acted like you cared so much whether or not she called ... I don't know why it works, but it just tends to. Haha ....True, it's not for every girl, but we're talking about the mean, mode, and median. Haha ...

[Fatal_End]

True, I don't want to be with someone who gets upset easily or someone who is uh... very quick to get to get into a relationship and just as fast getting out of it.

Thanks so much for your advice and support, I feel ten times better and can go enjoy my spring break and not worry when I come back!

Take care, peace!