Relationship Help!

[chloe78]

Hi.

I'm new to this forum but really need some advise. So first of all Hi! I don't really have anyone else I can ask about this that will give me an un bias opinion so thanks in advance.

Ive been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we've been engaged for 2 years. We own a house together and have lived in each other pockets since we met.

Recently I've lost a lot of weight and have become alot more confident about myself. My current relationship has never been a particularly sexual one which is slightly strange as I love sex. I do love my boyfriend but I think it's more in a best friends way than anything else. We get on really well and have never argued.

Anyway to cut a long story short a few weeks ago I met a guy that I used to have a thing for before my current relationship. At the time he was in a relationship so nothing really happened although he was aware that I fancied him. He's one of the guys that I have always thought about as I used to fancy him like mad. So we got talking and one thing led to another. I feel terrible that I have cheated as its something that ive never done before but with this guy I cant help it. He makes me feel like ive never felt before. Ive seem him a couple of times since and it is amazing. He says that he made a massive mistake not realising how he felt before as obviously things are a lot more complicated now.

I want to see this guy all the time, we are constantly texting each other and I really cant think about anything else.

I feel so bad on my boyfriend but for some reason I dont feel guilty for doing what I'm doing. I have a really comfortable life and I know if I end things with my current bf then this will change.

I really don't know what to do and it's really confusing me.

Any help or suggestions would be really appreciated.

Thanks.

[carl1222]

I think that your new-found infatuation is your body's way of reminding you that mere friendship is not enough to sustain a romantic relationship with someone. I'm surprised it hasn't happened sooner ... maybe it's because your change in appearance gets you the attention of sexier men, including your crush.

You are already cheating on your fiance, and by the looks of it that will continue to happen. You have to let your fiance go, unfortunately. It's unconscionable that you sneak around behind his back to get the sexual excitement you need. It's equally inexcusable that you are stringing your fiance along because he provides you with financial security. Besides, it's only a matter of time until you get caught anyway.

Of course, the new guy is no saint either. If he's willing to cheat with you, he's capable of cheating on you as well because he has no respect for the boundaries of relationships and commitments. I wonder how much of his interest in you is really more than just a sexual interest in your newly designed body.

Carl.

[chloe78]

Thanks for your honest opinion Carl.

Don't get me wrong I know what i'm doing is wrong and I think to a certain extent I know what I need to do. It's just the actual doing of it.

When I talk about being very comfortable in my current situation it's no so much as being financially reliable on my fiance because I earn far more money then him. I mean comfortable in a more stress free, uncomplicated way.

The thing im most concerned about it how do I break from such a relationship in to the total unknown. Its very scary.

[alovehangoverr]

Thanks for your honest opinion Carl.

Don't get me wrong I know what i'm doing is wrong and I think to a certain extent I know what I need to do. It's just the actual doing of it.

When I talk about being very comfortable in my current situation it's no so much as being financially reliable on my fiance because I earn far more money then him. I mean comfortable in a more stress free, uncomplicated way.

The thing im most concerned about it how do I break from such a relationship in to the total unknown. Its very scary.

I think it might be worse for your current boyfriend given that he was planning to commit his life to you only to have you cheat on him and dump him.

Seriously, end it.

As for this other guy-- I'd be surprised if it actually went anywhere. Usually in a cheating relationship the reason it seems so "right" is because it's new and exciting and potentially dangerous [the thought of being caught.] As soon as that goes away and you try and have an honest relationship, it fizzles out.

Also, just wanted to ask-- are you sure this guy is into you now because he can't believe he missed out.. or because you've lost that weight?

Anyway.. Just end it, and do it soon.

[vashti]

Be careful about the grass being greener, and all that. Your current boyfriend loved you when you were overweight. The new guy didn't want you when you were fat. You may not be able to maintain your weight loss (most people who struggle with weight issues can't).

If you want to do this right, get rid of the spare boy, and break off with the old one properly. After some time being alone (at least 6 months, I think), you might be ready for someone new.

[carl1222]

Be careful about the grass being greener, and all that. Your current boyfriend loved you when you were overweight. The new guy didn't want you when you were fat. You may not be able to maintain your weight loss (most people who struggle with weight issues can't).

If you want to do this right, get rid of the spare boy, and break off with the old one properly. After some time being alone (at least 6 months, I think), you might be ready for someone new.

To add to what vashti said ... the 6 months of being single will give you some time to get used to your new physical attractiveness, and start to be able to recognize the difference between guys who are interested in you and guys who just want to play you for sex.

I think it's likely that the new guy falls into the second category.

Carl.

[chloe78]

In terms of the weight thing I put on about 2 stone since Ive been in my current relationship but ive lost 4 stone in total. It's not as though ive always been overweight and when I knew this guy from before I pretty much look the same as I do now.

Im probably just making excuses for my current situation I guess?!?

[vashti]

Isn't a stone equivelent to 14 lbs? Will the new boy love you if you put on 30-60 lbs or more?