Should I give up?

[Greyking]

Hey guys, first post here, and in a bit of a wreck at the moment.

I'm a 23 yr old Asian guy, and have a active & healthy lifestyle. I never had a girlfriend, though have made numerous attempts with varying degrees of success. Sometimes it is timing, sometimes it is self-delusion, but also because I have never really met anyone who i feel is a 'must', so the effects usually pass quickly.

Anyways, had another go last summer, though didn't work out, helped me realize what type of girl i really want, and why i would want such a girl. Life goes on, and I got close to a friend (lets use Anna as her alias) during the last month.

We were uni friends for 3 years, though nothing romantic happened, since none is intended anyways. We got closer because we were both aiming to study overseas in the same school, and we started from there. We quickly became close friends, calling each other up often, and met up a few times during the applications stages. After submitting the applications, we continued to talk, and I realize I started to have feelings for her, and she is the person I want to be with.

So I set up a few 'get-togethers' to gauge her reception, and everything seems fine. We have great conversations, occasionally flirting, and we got to know each other really deeply. I once asked if she had anyone in mind, she replied 'Yes, but he is unlikely to do anything so I gave up.' Knowing that person isn't me, I thought I have a great chance and aimed to take it further. At that time, we were meeting up 2-3 times a week because we chose to watch the same movies in a local film festival.

2 days ago I received Anna's phonecall telling me about something stupid she did and what a fool she was, when suddenly, she said she is in a relationship...with that person she had given up on.

I was devastated. I didn't even get the chance to tell her my feelings, but what ticks me off most is...I really thought I have the chance, and it does look like it. Obviously Anna only saw me as a close friend, I acknowledge that, but the disappointment is so big...

And to make matters worse...I have a nagging feeling at the back of my head that she has been telling her 'interest' about what i have been doing, since we're close friends, which prompted that 'guy' to suddenly make a move. I mean, I took Anna out to a photo-taking outing by the sea (we both like photography, though not v.good at it), and the next day, her interest took her to the exact same place?? A bit too coincidental?? Anna is a very sweet and naive girl, especially when it comes to relationships. I still trust her that she has no ill-intention at all...but now, i have lost faith in myself...how many more times can i endure the disappointment? And I really don't know how I can face her if we see each other again...the thought of telling her how I feel has crossed my mind, but she just got into a relationship with her person of interest!

sorry for the long wall of text, but hey, i gotta let it out right? any advice is welcome, obviously Anything to help a very very confused soul

thanks mates!

[alovehangoverr]

I always think it's a bad idea to dump your feelings on someone in a relationship.. especially one so new. She picked the person she wants to be with-- it's not you.. why put that on her? Especially if you're hoping to remain friends if you study overseas and what not.

I don't think you should give up on girls.. just know that everyone has to deal with rejection and disappointment. You can either get bitter about it and give up completely, or accept this wasn't the person for you and move on. It's really up to you.

[vashti]

I think the mistake you made was in trying to make a friendship into something more after 3 years. It almost never works out. YOu need to clarify romantic interest pretty early on, or a woman will not see you as a potential romantic partner.

Naturally, you shouldn't give up on relationships yet. You are still very young. You need more experience, and you need to accept that the majority of the time, things will not work out. It's not personal, it's just a fact of life when you are dating.

[Greyking]

You two are right...I was distressed when i was writing the post, but I think i've gotten past the bitterness. Sometimes, i just have to rise up to the challenge and face it.

So, no, i won't give up on girls, not to worry. Vashti, we didn't see each other as romantic interests while we were in school, we just knew one another. So it was like rediscovering each other...I think that is slightly different from normal close friends -> couples.

alovehangoverr- yeah its pretty selfish of me if i try to dump my feelings onto a newly-started relationship. I haven't done it yet, and i do not intend to now, after some self-reflection and reading the replies. I'll just swallow it up and let it go, afterall I do want to remain friends with her, regardless if we get to be classmates overseas or not.

Thanks for you guy's advice! The future, remains bright, I think!