Is this right for a woman to be like?

[1deringHeart]

Hello everybody, first time posting and on this site.
I'm about to burst from my chest out with what I feel.
I know I love this woman but she keeps making me feel like she takes me serious for a little bit and then she crushes me like i'm a bug. How so? Well, today we went for lunch and it felt like the most loving time, towards the end she tells me that tonight she will go eat with a guy friend after the club. I said, it's fine, but my heart has sunk because i had hoped that she would want to spend sometime with me. I do not doubt that they are just friends. What bothers me is that I asked her, "well, at least we can dance a few songs together," but she said no because the guy would get offended and then he would tell her that they are not going to eat afterwards.
When we go out to eat she always rushes it, but when she was talking about going to eat with him tonight, she was telling me that she had no idea how long it would take her before she got back home.
I feel i'm being given the crumbs of her time all the time. Of course, I get to kiss her and for those few moments I feel like i'm all she cares about. I know that she doesn't have anybody else, because I trust her. Also we spend a lot of time on the phone, although she keeps talking to other people around her during that time, leaving me with my thoughts and the things I want to tell her for another time.
Wouldn't a woman that says that she loves a man want to be with him as much as possible? Would she tell him that she will not be dancing with him because a friend that she wants to talk to might not like it? Why would she put me aside as if i were something less than the man she loves. I love her to pieces but I'm feeling hurt about this and her going out again on friday, the day before her birthday, with the same guy to a concert. I wanted to go out with her that night to sing her happy birthday at midnight. I still maintain that there is nothing between them. My problem is why would she not give me more time for us?

[MichelleVasquez]

1deringHeart,

You may be describing "player" behavior. Yes, women do it too. It's also possible that she's just not that interested but doesn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you directly, so she is leading you on, giving you less attention, and hoping you'll eventually give up. What I'd love to see you do, for your own sake, is to be much, much less available to this woman. You are right that you are getting the crumbs. Are you willing to settle for the leftovers?

I know this may seem crazy, but the less you are available to hang out with her for the few hurried minutes she gives you, the more interested she may be in you. There's no mystery with you. Perhaps she knows she can count on you, like a friend, and you don't want to be her friend.

Ask yourself what she is attracted to in this male "friend" of hers. What is he doing that you are not doing? Can you do what he is doing? Study men who are successful with women and do what they do. One thing women are not attracted to is neediness. They are attracted to confidence and they want to know more about the guy who is harder to pin down. The "always there" guy is a great friend and this is NOT what you are after.

You can spend your time pining away because she prefers to give her attention to other men, or you can start creating your own happiness. Get busy with hobbies, projects, sports, social networks, really, anything that will keep you occupied so that you aren't constantly available whenever she has a few minutes to spare.

My guess is you don't want to do this, but remember the definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Instead of calling her, call a friend who can talk you out of calling her (or do something fun with you). It's similar to having a sponsor when you are an alcoholic and you're trying to stay away from the bottle. Instead of taking that drink, you call your sponsor until the urge to drink has passed.

I'd also recommend that you sign up for David de Angelo's newsletter. He has some great advice for men who want to create attraction in women. Google his name and it should lead you to his site.

I wish you the best in your relationships, Michelle

[vashti]

Is she your girlfriend, or are you just dating?