Trying to do the right thing.....but

[ugaatl]

I'll try to keep this as short as possible...

My gf and I have been dating nearly 4 months and from the first phone conversation we connected on every level. Since then things have progressed rather quick for both of us...nothing wrong with that we were both open to let whatever happens, happen.

We are both recently divorced and she was in the typical "bad" relationship. Someone who was never willing to pay attention to her and was emotionally unavailable.

After a few short months I saw the caring and selflessness of this woman and realized this could be someone very special so I began to take extra notice of things. For example, when she spoke of work I took it all in and remembered the important events, remembered the things she likes and dislikes (as we al should I know). More to that is I tried to act on as many as possible.

My ex treated me more like her 5 year old than her husband so I had always been used to being talked down to.

Her comes the "tricky" part.... We live an hour away from each other and I work odd hours (overnights) and only have every 3rd weekend off... Her hours are equally as odd as she is in the medical profession.

It started off as only seeing each other a few nights a week and when she made the comment to me that she did not like not knowing when we would see each other from one day to the next, I made a change and began going to see her everyday.

That began to take a toll on her 8 year old who seemed to develop a jealous streak (as do most kids). That did not sit well with her as she truly values the relationship she has with her kids...

Well now the script has been flipped... She is not wanting me to come around as much and I feel I am not around enough.

She is headed out of town for a girls weekend and I was only able to see her once this week and that bugged me.... When I mentioned that she told me she was feeling claustrophobic.....

Now, on one hand I am feeling as if I am being pushed away and on the other I am thinking since this is the first time she has met someone eager to care for her and treat her like a princess she is confused as to what she wants.

How should I proceed from here? I am very much into her and feel like we could take this relationship much farther... I would truly like to think this is uncharted waters for both and we are struggling through the learning curve....

Or I am just a sappy douche.....

TIA

[Vain]

If she doesn't know what she wants there is not to much you can do. Forcing things to go how you want or how you feel you want them to go can put to much pressure and she could very easily come to a decision in a haste. More often for an undesirable consequence for you. Since she is uneasy about the situation if you try and pressure her, you may place her in an uncomfortable position and she will just want to back out of it. Perhaps taking more time apart can help both you guys figure out what you want. I don't doubt your feelings for her but am merely implying that this time apart could help progress things forward for both of you. As in you may appreciate her more or perhaps realize you dislike struggling to find the time to see each other.

[misombra]

she just was divorced. she's not ready to be serious. her son is also having a very hard time, he is the one who has it the worst, and she's going to yield to him.

sorry man, if you give her any pressure you're gonna be out.

[ugaatl]

she just was divorced. she's not ready to be serious. her son is also having a very hard time, he is the one who has it the worst, and she's going to yield to him.

sorry man, if you give her any pressure you're gonna be out.

I see what you are saying...now I have to find a happy median....which has never really been my approach...I go all out with everything...

So should I lay back and let her dictate the speed of the relationship and let her tell me when she wants to see each other?

[IndiReloaded]

Find ways to make her son comfortable around you if you are serious about this lady. Dial back the intensity, tho, or what Miso said will come to pass.

[Lite]

I see what you are saying...now I have to find a happy median....which has never really been my approach...I go all out with everything...

So should I lay back and let her dictate the speed of the relationship and let her tell me when she wants to see each other?

Pretty much you're likely already screwed. She's going to want to date a few more (and likely sleep with a few more) people before settling into ANY form of exclusive/committed relationship.

And, she's also going to have grieving and anger issues to sort out. Which is normal when one mourns the loss of a relationship/person in their life. In her confusion over her feelings, she's going to transfer that onto you and blame you for what she's feeling. You're pushing her, suffocating her, etc.

From the sound of it, she's already there.