Please help me understand....

[pinkttulips]

Hello... I was seeing a guy for about 7 months and things were going really good, spent a lot of time together, got along great, had fun, laughed a lot, etc... a couple months ago we started talking about moving in together one day when we were both ready. Then a couple weeks later he seen a place for rent near his place for us, but at that time I was not ready, I still had some time on my lease. In fact he would talk about wanting to have a cabin in the mts with humming bird feeders with me, etc... basically talking about a future together... he would mostly talk about this when he was a little tipsy. When he wasn't drinking, it was like he put some walls up, wasn't as affectionate or sentimental as he was when he had been drinking and wouldn't talk about it as much. I didn't bring it up a whole lot. Like I mentioned before, we spent a lot of time together, and on the nights we weren't together, we would call me, and most of the time we'd talk not just once, but we'd always call each other to say goodnight again, and a lot of times it was him doing this (sometimes calling me 3 times if we were watching the same tv show or something). Well I found an apartment the third week of March, closer to my job (which is also closer to him as well) and decided to ask him if he wanted to go ahead and move in together, he said he wasn't ready, that maybe the end of summer he would be. So i accepted that and didn't bring it up again. I am moving this saturday. Since then, it seems like he's been a little distant, pulling away, still spending time together, but not as much, but he's still been calling me when we weren't together. Then last week he called me and out of the blue told me that he wanted to see where things are with us in about 3 months and his job (just started this new job about 5 weeks ago) and if he found that this job is stable, that he wanted to go ahead and move in with me then, because he didn't want me to end up having an unemployeed b/f living with me, so he wanted to see how it went first (and he had not been drinking when he told me this). Well the last week (a few days ago), we spent about 2 days together, we had fun, everything went good (we don't argue a whole lot anyways), and then I went home and the next night he called and broke up with me, told me that he was no longer attracted to me... (and he was all touchy feely the night before), he said he loved my company and wanted to be friends, and i told him that we could keep in touch maybe, but I can't hang out with him as "just friends" because of my feelings so I won't be doing that, and he understood and then said "well maybe I'm just confused and need a little time to see what I want." I told him that I was going to go get my stuff, he said there was no hurry for that (I went to get it ALL Saturday)... he also said that this break up was worse than his divorce. The talk was very respectful, very calm. I'm just confused, I dont get why out of the blue he would call and break up with me like that... I mean a few months ago, he gave me a toe ring, signifying that we were both looking for the same thing, and acknowledging that there was a possibility that this may go somewhere and then all the other things he would say. Can anyone help me with this, especially guys out there.

[s_b]

My opinion: he was in the honeymoon/love phase for the last 5 months or so. He gave you the ring "a few months ago", talked about living together "a few months ago" - did he ever further his words in the last few weeks or so before the split??

"well maybe I'm just confused and need a little time to see what I want" - give him his space and no chasing him/friends route. Set your boundaries and be in control of your emotions. It's horrible when a break-up comes from the blind-side - take some comfort in that he was respectful and calm...my ex was rude, arrogant and immature in doing the "talk".

Good luck and stay strong.

[pinkttulips]

Thanks for the response... yes a week before the break up call, he called and out of the blue started telling me that he wanted to see in 3 months where we were and how his job was going and if things were going good and he was at his job still and it seemed stable, that he wanted to go ahead and move in with me then. So that was pretty recent, then a week later is when I got the break up call (Thursday). I jsut got back from his sister's house for their little daughter's b-day party, and it was pretty hard there at times, I had to hold back a few tears. I miss him... seen him yesterday when I went over to get my stuff, so today is the first real day of no contact. but I will be strong and not contact him. well at least until Friday, he said he wanted to help me move, so will probably see him Saturday, but after that will be the new start of the no contact. But to be honest, I'm hoping that he will figure out that he does want to be with me by then.. hopefully the no contact for the next 5 days will help. do you still think it was a honey moon phase, even though he did bring up moving in just like 10 days or so ago? He told me when he called to break up with me that this break up is harder than his divorce was (which was like 7 yrs ago). I'm just confused as to what is going on with him. Thanks.

[pinkttulips]

I jsut got back from his sister's house for their little daughter's b-day party, and it was pretty hard there at times, I had to hold back a few tears.

Just to clarify... he was not at his sister's today, and was not planning to be there, if he was I wouldn't have went. That would have been too ackward and hard for me.