Attracted to Rejection

[Rollerderby]

I seem to have a bad streak of luck with men in my life. Men that I'm attracted to seem to have the same attitude towards me: They find me attractive, enjoy flirting and then loose interest. I am hard-pressed to meet men who I am genuinely interested in, but every time I do, they do not seem to share the feeling.

On the contrary, the guys who do seem genuinely interested in me make my mind wander off for something better. And then I beat myself up about being too rejection happy.

I'm not the co-dependent type, and most of the time I'm out of relationships, rather than in them. I've had a few serious LTRs where the L-bomb was dropped, but it's been a while.

I feel like I have become the token "single" friend in all my groups of friends, and am constantly bombarded by friends to let them set me up. I do let them occasionally, but I'm starting to feel like a charity case. I get questions from random people, "So, why are you single?" I try not to let it bother me, but it does. Everyone who knows me well enough, knows I have a weird streak of luck with bad/disastrous (read hilarious) dates, but none of them, or I, can figure out why this keeps happening to me.

Note: I'm attractive, intelligent and fun to be around. I am not a stuck up bitch by any means, but some of my friends who are seem to have better luck than me. I'm kind of quirky, and while I seem to have a lot of men(and women) respect me and like me, but no one I show an interest in seems to reciprocate it. Am I doomed to chase and be chased after but never finding something that works? I'm pretty jealous of people who seem to effortlessly fall into relationships. Is there anything I can do to make this easier for myself?

[Illusional]

have you asked your friends these questions?? honestly with all the good qualities that you've stated, only your friends can tell you your bad ones.

raverboy

[Rollerderby]

I've definitely had many talks with many different friends. Nothing too helpful, mostly "He just wasn't right for you," or the ever popular, "He was just looking for sex". I have friends that are close enough that if I had some largely fatal flaw that spread across the board I would have definitely have heard about it.

It's like I am able to attain initial attraction, but there are few that seem to want more after that.

[Lite]

I've definitely had many talks with many different friends. Nothing too helpful, mostly "He just wasn't right for you," or the ever popular, "He was just looking for sex". I have friends that are close enough that if I had some largely fatal flaw that spread across the board I would have definitely have heard about it.

It's like I am able to attain initial attraction, but there are few that seem to want more after that.

What he means is, "Ask your good, real, close friends who will tell you what your problem is." Not the friends who make up platitudes and excuses for why things didn't work.

[Charlie Boy II]

you answered your own question with your thread title.

The reason this keeps happening is because you keep going for the same kind of guy. And seem to be turned off by guys who are genuinely interested.

This is actually common in females. Especially when they're young, they take their cue from how the man behaves. If he's arrogant and an asshole, some girls take that his indifference to them means he is of value. I.e. he must be arrogant for a reason.

But if a guy's overly nice, that's a sign of weakness: that they should be looking for a stronger mate.

[Rollerderby]

This is probably true, but I've been interested in guys before I realize they aren't into me the same way. Even if this is the problem, I have no idea how to get around it.

I'll be a bit more specific by using an example. I met a guy, we hit it off right away, but it wasn't until the next time I saw him that we actually made out. The first time I met him, he was very attentive to me, which was why I was as interested as I was. He invited me back to his place the second time to which I asked if he would be a gentleman. He was. We only made out the rest of the night. He seemed to enjoy it and my company as much as I did. Yet he didn't ask me for my number.
The next time I saw him we conversed, and joked, and everything seemed fine. He invited me back to his place, and I went (knowing it would probably be a bit more, but I wasn't sure I wanted to sleep with him yet b/c I liked him). It was the same thing as last time. Only this time while we were making out he stopped it and told me he didn't think he could got any further. He has backed off.

So it went from, promising to nil. I am clueless as to what went wrong.

[IndiReloaded]

I think you just need to develop a thicker skin. Stick around here, we can help with this. Do you want us to reject you so you can get some practice in handling it? Most of us here speak Fukoffese with great fluency.

[Rollerderby]

HAHAHAHA well thanks, I'd rather just be a lil over sensitive than bear some mark of cursed love luck. Guess I'm just sick of the ones who seem to want nothing but sex when I want more.

[lastwish]

Maybe you're asking for committment a little too soon. Look at dating as a way to enjoy someone's company instead of looking for long term boyfriend material. But if you're not okay with having no string attached sex then don't have them.

[Rollerderby]

Yeah, as Charlie Boy II said I might be attracted to guys who seem harder to get. I've been on dates, and I feel that I have a healthy attitude about taking things slowly and not rushing into anything which means sex, relationships, all of it. The thing is, which makes me feel like I'm going crazy, is that the dates I do go on I don't feel a connection with the guys. They seem to be attracted to me, but I seem to find reasons to reject them. And, while I am potentially aware that it's in my head, I have a hard time ignoring my gut when it's telling me to move along. I know it's better to be on your own than with someone just to be with them, but I just want to find a away to attract people into my life that I'm attracted to.

For example: The last guy I went on a date with was really really nice. Which wasn't the turn off. The turn off was that he seemed kind of dumb. He admitted to being a burnout in high school (can you say hot?) and when we talked about random topics like ADHD or what have you, he would ramble into incoherancy and finally admit he didn't know what he was talking about. I wanted to find him attractive, physically he was, but mentally I was off on my own daydream.

But I think I might be being too hard on myself.

[Mish]

Short answer is:

The guys you are attracted to are out of your league and the guys who are attracted to you are out of yours.


Meaning there are two things you can do if you no longer wish to be single. You can raise your value by becoming more of what those who are out of your league want (which will be hard work). Or you can lower your standards.

[Illusional]

well you're sucker for the words, "i love you" then i can lie my ass off all night long...

raverboy

[Rollerderby]

Hmm, might I beg the question of what kind of work you speak of?

[lovesjoyajm]

I don't understand what you mean, Mish. Why do you think the guys she's attracted to are out of her league?

[Mish]

I don't understand what you mean, Mish. Why do you think the guys she's attracted to are out of her league?

They are not interested in her because they know they can get someone better, someone with better qualities, they don't want to settle for her

In the same way OP feels about the guys she rejects