Confused

[cairenn13]

Every guy who has ever shown an interest in me in the past has done so only to get sex. They'll act all charming and friendly, patiently playing their little games for weeks, slowing luring me in. Then when they finally get what they want they ditch me the next day or week. One guy even tried to make me into his booty call, even after I found out he already had a live-in girlfriend. I stopped answering his texts and deleted his number from my phone after that.

Now whenever a guy seems interested I can't help worrying they're just going to be the same as all those other bastards.

It's so hard to tell the difference between the good guys and the bad because the bad guys are so good at pretending, and they won't admit to your face that they're just after sex.

How can I tell if a guy is genuinely interested in me without ending up feeling used or hurt again? Are there any signs I should be looking out for?

[sweet.jesszxox]

Don't give them sex after a couple of weeks and don't act like you want it. If they try, bar them. They will only want you more and if they don't they just wanted you for sex. Guys are pricks ugh

[bud2075]

Hi Cairenn, Its true that alot of guys are just looking to hook up,but dont let it ruin your outlook.There are alot of guys who are really interested in having a serious relationship,make sure that you set boundries for intimacy and you will be able to tell if the guy is just in it for sex,or if he really cares for you. When I met my wife,it was kind of the excat opposite situation that you have(she was much more experienced,and I was looking to take it slow,as far as the physical part of the relationship went)..try to find guys who are maybe a little bit on the shy side,or maybe try meeting some guys in different kinds of setting like the Library or Church,if you are religoius,I know that sounds weird, but at least than you know he has some morals,or is well read...good luck

[PUAff]

Ok, from my viewpoint this is how it works: in the beginning of an interaction with a woman, most men are attracted to visual cues (=looks) MUCH MORE than to behavioral cues (=personality). Notice that the attraction mechanism works the other way around for women. The key is to keep them around you for a longer period of time in which they have the chance to know you better and if they are STILL interested after a while, there you have a man that cares more than only having sex with you (if he is healthy, he will still want to have sex ASAP) So how do you keep him around without having sex with him? Well when he makes a move on you (it could be any sign of interest) make a step back (any sign of disinterest) and then a step forward (hook - give him enough validation so that he doesn't take it as a definite "no"). For example, if he invites you for a drink, tell him you can't go that day, but you'd love to go on the next day. If he wants to hold your hand, politely refuse then grab him by the upper arm and let him lead you. That's why women always say "Go slowly etc" If he'll still be there after a few dates (I'd say about 3-5), then he's likes you more than only for your body.

[lover12]

I have advice for you. Although it may be simple, never ever give up!

[jjj]

yeah i agree with not giving the sex etc too early, and going dif places to meet guys. and partl id say its down to bad luck on the guys u have met, and maybe giving in too easy to them? although thts assuming..as i dont know how long u knew the guys and how long u had been dating etc.

[carl1222]

Every guy who has ever shown an interest in me in the past has done so only to get sex. They'll act all charming and friendly, patiently playing their little games for weeks, slowing luring me in. Then when they finally get what they want they ditch me the next day or week. One guy even tried to make me into his booty call, even after I found out he already had a live-in girlfriend. I stopped answering his texts and deleted his number from my phone after that.

Now whenever a guy seems interested I can't help worrying they're just going to be the same as all those other bastards.

It's so hard to tell the difference between the good guys and the bad because the bad guys are so good at pretending, and they won't admit to your face that they're just after sex.

How can I tell if a guy is genuinely interested in me without ending up feeling used or hurt again? Are there any signs I should be looking out for?

You are probably giving off a "will f**k for attention" vibe, most girls who get played easily do. Tell me a little about how new relationships progress for you.

Carl.

[Aeradalia]

Seems like you have a problem that needs to be worked at two ends:

1.) you need to change your own tactics of attracting guys... interacting with them

2.) need to have a better idea of guy's own tactics for attracting women... how to tell when a guy is looking for something short term as well as when they are looking for something long term.


I suspect your run of bad luck is from putting out the wrong signals and possibly becoming sexual way too early in the 'relationship.'

PUAff makes some good suggestions about the 'dating game' which would help filter out the short-term guys from the potential long-term guys.

Carl makes a good point as well... how you present yourself to these guys is that you're looking for short-term (aka sex). Then you probably offer sex pretty early, which only encourages these men further.

So yes, more information is needed to give more advice on what you may be doing wrong and how to improve this... so that you can attract a long-term guy... instead of 'accidentally' attracting a short-term guy.

[Gigabitch]

You're dating assholes. Stop it. You're probably blowing off nice guys that would treat you with love and respect. Don't do that.