Back at square one. Please help :/

[t0ri]

So my boyfriend of over two years dumped me in late February. I didn't speak to him for three weeks. And then one night we ended up talking and discussing exactly what went wrong in our relationship from both perspectives for a few days. He started missing me so then we began texting every day, and falling asleep together on the phone. He said he is still in love with me, blah blah blah.

So he started asking me to hang out, and we began doing so. Then he suggested that instead of being completely broken up, we'd be on a break. He wanted to take things slow, start over, take me on dates. Well we've been talking again for a month or so, and he never took me on a date as promised. Him demoting me from girlfriend to girl-i'll-sleep-with-and-keep-hanging-on really hurt me and I couldn't understand it. So occasionally I would press him as to why he found this situation reasonable. Somehow he manipulated me into thinking it was okay - that us taking things slow and some time apart would do us good in the end and we'd get back together, since we both wanted to. He told me I was the only person he could see himself marrying and having kids with, and about two weeks ago, he basically told me he wouldn't mind if I got pregnant.

So during our supposed "break," I decided I would let things go his way and see if he came back to me. I put myself out there yet again, after he hurt me by suddenly dumping my butt. So stupid. I acted really sweet all the time, avoided all conflict, and did everything as a perfect "girlfriend." Someone told me he was only in it for sex, so I cut that off (also because he was willing to risk my getting pregnant) and he was ok with it. He was rude to me quite a few times during this break, after all the "missing me, sweetness" wore off, I would guess? I just dealt with everything he did, and tried to give him what he wanted. Until...

Three nights ago, all was good in our relationship, for lack of a better word. I asked if I could come say hi to him, and he happily accepted. So I came over, and the first thing he said was that I couldn't stay the night but I could come in and hang out with his friends and him for a bit. I found this a little suspicious because normally, he begs me to spend the night and gets annoyed if I don't. Well then he tells me that these two girls - Jen and Kelly - were coming over and that I couldn't stay because of it. Jen is a girl that he made a bet with his friend right after we broke up over which of them could have sex with her first, and he admitted it to me when I confronted him about it - saying that he went through a phase for a week or so after we broke up of wanting to hook up with girls. Kelly is a girl that he was best friends with before he and I started dating, and their friendship drifted apart. He seems to LOVE being her friend, and I'm pretty sure he used to like her. She has a boyfriend though.

Anyway, this upset me that he was making me leave to go hang out with two girls, one of which he had made a BET about sleeping with!! HELLO!? So I got mad and we started fighting. He then tells me that he didn't want me around because he thought I would say something out of line to one of the girls. I'm not much of a confrontational person, and he knows I wouldn't say something to those girls when what was going on is not their fault. He tells me that this is what he is sick of - the fighting, me not trusting him, him "not being able to do anything," and him having to sit in the room and fight with me instead of being with his friends. So I tell him to go out there and hang out with the girls and his friends, so he does. Then he comes back into the room and tells me to come out there, but I'm mad at this point, so I decline and leave.

The next day, he sends me a text saying, "I can't handle this anymore. We're done and that's that. Goodbye." So I say, "Ok, bye." THEN about an hour later, we run into each other at school. He tells me he just doesn't want to be in a relationship and he realizes the fighting and stuff isn't going to change, blah blah blah. He was completely rude to me and walked away during our conversation and told me there was nothing to talk about. Why does he have to be SO mean about this when he knows it hurts me?

I'm so upset with myself for getting my hopes up. I really believed his lying words. He told me a week ago he was going to really try and work on problems that he brought to our relationship. Now, we're completely over because I got mad ONE TIME. I have put up with so much crap over the past few months, and I get upset and am not perfect ONE TIME and he ends things again.

Both times that he has "ended things," it came after he talked to his friends about it. When we started talking again after the initial breakup, he told his friends he wouldn't be talking to them about us at all because he wanted to keep everything between he and I until we figured it out. Then three nights ago, he talks to his friends about our problems and the next day he's done with me again. His friends all became single around the same time that he did, and they greatly influence him. Not to say that is the reason for our relationship ending, but I'm sure it's a benefit to him that they can all be single and do whatever together.

So now I'm back at square one. We haven't spoken since running into each other at school. I'm really not going to have contact with him for at least a few months. I'm upset and very saddened and crying sometimes, but not nearly as bad as when he first dumped me. My appetite has gone away like last time though, which I HATE. I cannot afford to lose any more weight, so I have to force myself to eat. I'm not sure if that's because I'm stressed or emotionally distraught or what.

What I want to know is, do you think he's going to contact me again in a few weeks or however long, like he did last time? I'm hoping he doesn't, so it'll be easier to avoid contact when he's not trying. Also, Was it unreasonable of me to be upset he was making me leave because of those girls coming over? He told me that it was his friend that invited them over while he and I were talking. I can't believe that I "messed up," according to him, ONE time, and that's it. He can't handle it because we fought one time since we broke up two months ago. Why did he lead me on, saying we were on a break and would eventually get back together? I asked him that, and he said that because of that last fight, he realizes things will just go good for awhile, and then back to fighting which he just does not want to deal with. We were acting like we were pretty much "together" during this break, and I was not satisfied because he would not commit.

I feel like everything is my fault, when all I really did was love him unconditionally. We'll both be 22 this year, and we're eachother's first love. I'm so mad at him, and I just am SHOCKED at how mean he has been because I had never ever seen that side of him - where he just did not care at all. This hurts so bad but I feel like I did it to myself. I want him to disappear from my mind!!!

[Cain]

Why would you want him in your life at all?

Never speak to him again. If he does try to contact you, enjoy being able to tell him to **** off.

[t0ri]

I'm not even sure, to be honest. I guess because I'm in love with him. I can only name a few things I really like about him, so I don't know why it's so hard to let this ****ing jerk go.

[Gigabitch]

It's not love. It's a habit. Get an exorcism or something- he's a waste of time.

[bluesummer]

Sounds like my first bf (we broke up at 22 as well). He was a BIT nicer than your guy, but if I wasn't acting exactly the way he wanted me to, suddenly I'd screwed up.

Cut it off while you can. You will meet other people, you will love other people.....give yourself the chance to do this. If he does try and sneak back into your life, tell him your not interested, even if it hurts to say it. It will better off for you in the long run. You shouldn't have to pussyfoot around him to keep him happy. Find someone that appreciates you as you are, and that doesn't do everything his buddies tell him to do. Men like that are retarded.

[carl1222]

No contact doesn't just mean no contact with him by you, but no contact with you FROM him as well. Sure, he's likely to contact you in the near future. If he does, and you wind up falling asleep together on the phone AGAIN ... then you'll be back to square one AGAIN! You can't allow that to happen, no matter how much comfort you get from still having him in your life.

It's not love, it's infatuation (or as Giga said, habit). You don't even like this guy!

The Jen/Kelly thing was the ultimate in disrespect. Think logically ... why couldn't you stay the night because they were there? So what if you stayed after they left? Right ... because he was hoping to spend the night with one (or both) of them! Do you really need to see him f**k someone else in front of you to wake you up to his playing??

I think it was smart of you to cut him off sexually to avoid being just a booty call. But your inability to completely cut him off lets him know that under the right circumstances ... using the right words ... pushing the right buttons ... will get you to give up your pu**y again (all he really wants). You know it, he knows it.

Cut him the f**k out of your life!!!

Carl.

[LoveHurts09]

hope u feel better after getting all that out there... now go find a guy who will love u for who u are (who u love too ofc), this guy is an immature, confused guy... they arent all like that

[t0ri]

Jeez, since getting dumped I keep hearing things like, "You have to be very very lucky to find someone." Or, "Good chemistry is really difficult to find with someone." Things like that, and it's freaking me out that I'm never going to find anything similar to what I had with my ex!

I just don't understand why his feelings for me suddenly changed?! How does that happen?

And why would he contact me again? When he did it before, we didn't see each other for quite awhile. We just talked. If he wants me out of his life, then why doesn't he leave me alone? I will LOVE to tell him to go **** himself if he ever texts me again.

[Gigabitch]

And why would he contact me again?

Because it's much easier to keep you on reserve in case he blows it with whoever he is after now.

[Mahasamatman]

Jeez, since getting dumped I keep hearing things like, "You have to be very very lucky to find someone." Or, "Good chemistry is really difficult to find with someone." Things like that, and it's freaking me out that I'm never going to find anything similar to what I had with my ex!

Look at it this way, you probably don't want to find something similar. Look for something that isn't quite so full of suck.

I just don't understand why his feelings for me suddenly changed?! How does that happen?

His feelings probably didn't suddenly change. They might have, don't get me wrong, but probably he cared less and less and took you for granted more and more and finally you reacted. Or he did. Whatever.

And why would he contact me again? When he did it before, we didn't see each other for quite awhile. We just talked. If he wants me out of his life, then why doesn't he leave me alone? I will LOVE to tell him to go **** himself if he ever texts me again.

He wants you on his terms. Maybe he wants to flatter himself that you don't think of him badly (or that you still love him, even after this). Maybe he like jerking you around. Maybe he's unsure. Maybe he partly regrets ****ing up. It doesn't matter. He can demonstrate that he's learned his lesson in the next relationship. If there were seriously three guys left on the planet, it'd still probably be a bad plan. There are three billion. You can find another one.