Desprate Need of Advice

[pepsicola]

Well ill start by saying that my name in Ryan and i just turned 18. For most of my teen years i was a very shy individual because i had a chest deformation(Pectus Escavadum) that made it hard for me to talk to people. However last summer i had my chest fixed in an operation and ever since then i have lost my previous inhibitions and have been socializing for the very first time since Middle School. I have never had any real relationships and im hoping i can find some advice because i really don't know what to do.

Anyway it all started when i meet one of my old friends at a party (back in January of 09)and we started to hang out again. Over the last few months he became one of my best friends. He hung out with his ex a lot(platonic friendship as far as i knew) and they seemed to be good friends. Not long after i met him i asked him about his ex Taylor and he said that he had no feelings left. Well over the months i got to know Taylor and i grew closer and closer to her but never made our hanging out as more then just a friendship.

Well over the months i started to have more and more feelings for her until two weekends ago i couldn't take it anymore and decided i was going to ask her if she had any of the same feelings for me. Before i asked her i talked to her ex at a party(two Sundays ago) and asked if he had any feelings left for her, he responded with a no. That Wednesday i asked her if she had any feelings for me and she said she really liked me but she had many bad relationships and just dident want another bad one.

After i told her that i noticed a huge change in behavior from her as she would gravitate twords me in groups and sit by me unlike before. Well two days later her Ex myself and her were all sitting in my room and then he turns to me and says "So have you herd the good news?" i respond with "Uhhhhh no what is it?" he responds "Oh Taylor and i our back together".(she later told me that this was the first time she had herd and dident know they were back together until then) Well after that i was heartbroken. The very next day i got into a huge fight with my parents and everyone except those two people were out of town/doing something so i decided to hang out with them. It was there first day of being together and when they kissed or were talking to each other alone(we were all hanging out in a big group) i would fill with a mix of rage and sorrow. I was so angry and i almost beat the shit out of him on the spot however the only reason i dident was because she seemed to be responding to him now. There was also a mix of a lot of sorrow because every time i see them together it just kills me on the inside.

Well after that i made up my mind i couldn't hang out with them at all it was just to hard. So i made a phone call to Taylor this Monday and basically told her everything i feel and that it is just to gut wrenching to be around the both of them. I told her that i needed time to think about things and for the next while i wasn't going to be hanging out with them. She seemed very upset when i told her this. Also when i told her i was leaving she told me that she really dident want me to go but understood why i had to. I told her that my leaving was not her fault at all and that i would call her sometime even though i wasn't hanging out with them.

Well its been now 4 days and ive had no contact whatsoever with either of them and i need your help on deciding what to do next. Do i either wait a little while and then call and see how she responds. Or do i wait a long time and then talk to her for the first time when i hang out again(like two weeks from now) or do what i want to do in my heart and tell her ex what i really feel and how he ****ed with me on a very deep level and possibly beat the shit out of him.

[kringe]

well, thats how it works when you like your best friends? ex?

this is part of the reason why you never date your best friends ex. No doubt in mind, they will always always have problems, there is a reason they broke up. There is also a reason why they were still hanging out.

You also have to remember its kinda guy talk. You wont ever get a straight answer. I mean you told her how you felt, she knows how you feel. She is probably going to tell you later in life, that she cant date you, because your best friend is her ex.

To be honest, cutting the friendship off because of a girl is bad. First off, calling the girl to tell her you wont be hanging out anymore because of her/him is bad. She probably told him about it already, he probably does care, but says theres nothing he can do.

what you should do next? nothing probably, you are setting yourself a pretty high bar here. You have pigeon holed your options to the point where it might not be fixable. You can call her, but shes going to tell you, well im dating XXXXXX guy. You can start to hang out again, but the weird feeling will always be there, plus the simple fact, that she probably has already told him about you.

Honestly I dont think your best friend did anything wrong. He was just being a guy, you should have asked him more then just "do you have any feelings for her", you should have asked him "I like her, do you still like her?, do you have a problem with me dating your ex since we are best friends". What is beating him up going to do? its not going to get you the girl you care for so much would it?

my suggestion would be to talk to your best friend, tell him you really liked her. And tell him, you didnt know that they were going to get back together. I would just fix things up and go back to being friends, you probably have more of a chance of getting with her.