Are we too alike?

[topper]

Hello

I am going to talk about my relationship with my girlfriend, maybe someone has some positive suggestions for us.

We are just 6 weeks into our relationship but we were emailing each other for longer, so say 3 months in total. It was obvious right from the beginning that we were very similar in our views about life, love, religion etc, etc... So we decided to meet.

Our relationship started and things were great, we had the same humour, we wanted the same things and the sex was great. She has a young son and we started involving him in our activities. We are all getting along fine... and then she is pregnant. I am very happy about this, although I am approaching 40, it is something I have always wanted. We both wanted it, maybe not so soon, but we are both happy.

So... relationship going really well, some first trimester pains, but we are just comforting each other and watching movies etc. Then... a minor argument starts... a bit of nitpicking... voices raise... I am losing my temper so I take myself outside... if you leave you aint never coming back... you are a f#*king stupid cow... doors slam... water bottles fly... I disappear and switch my phone off.

4 hours pass... then abusive text messages... abusive emails (all the I hate you stuff!) and this goes on for about 3 days with me eventually throwing in the towel and dumping my pregnant girlfriend... I just wanted it to stop.

We finally start communicating in a civilised manner, we get together and say sorry, make love and it is as if nothing happened!

Obviously, we have to try to fix this for the sake of the babies health and ours.

My question, is this a case of us being too similar with the same temper thresholds, coping strategies, insecurities etc etc?, or is it a simple matter of us having to cope with too much pressure too early on?

Either way, is there any healthy strategy we can both try?

[LoveHurts09]

"the sex was great. She has a young son and we started involving him in our activities"

glad there's a period in there

hmm i dont get it... what's the problem? ur expecting everything to be perfect or....? u just said u both said sorry, if there's still a problem then yh u should fix it but i dont really see why u're making the fact that ur similar a big deal.

[Cain]

I don't think it has anything to do with you both being "too similar." I think it is more about the fact that you both are moving way too fast too soon. Six weeks and you're already having a child?

No offense, but I don't see this relationship lasting and she's going to be a single mother of two children with different daddies.

[topper]

Interesting suggestions from both of you! Thanks!

Um... well it has to work somehow because I don't want my child to be fatherless really, not if I can do anything about it.

Personally I can see that this has put a lot of pressure on us and she is panicking a bit. Maybe this fighting is a way of us testing each other's staying power??

There are a lot of ifs and maybes, but I would appreciate some constructive advice if anyone has been near a situation like this... what can we do?

[RenegadeThief]

U SICAT! (you sick cat)

U = Understanding
S = Self-determination
I = Individuality
C = Communication
A = Acceptance
T = Tolerance

Especially focus on the U, C, A and T.

Love just means it hurts more.

Communication is key so that means active listening.

Take responsibility and use "I messages..."

Being similar, what a gift and a privilege.

Don´t take any of it for granted and things will go how they are supposed to, if you actually put effort into it and work on it. So ask yourself if you have put your all into it? Have you listened to the other side of things? Have you been responsible for your actions? Have you understood the situation?

Otherwise, enjoy moving on.

[Rollerderby]

Um don't result to childish behavior in a fight. Was it her that was sending the abusive text messages, and all that shit? From her reaction for you leaving, I'd say we can see why she was single before you. And letting herself get pregnant by a man she was barely dating, while she already has a son is totally irresponsible. I feel sorry for both of those children.

I'm glad you want to be with her and help raise her child. You are moving really fast, you're having a f*cking kid and haven't even been with her physically for six months. It has nothing to do with your tempers being alike, it has everything to do with that you are both too immature (or atleast she is) to raise a family. I know you may want a child if your daddy clock is ticking, but think about the situation you are bringing it into. Not necessarily a healthy one.