Arguements out of control[opinions needed]

[Hopelessxlover]

I'm not really sure what advice I really want from this but here goes...
Me and my boyfriend have been going out for only a year. I know my friends do not approve of him because of fights we've had in the past! Several times actually quite often we would get into these full blown out fights. The first fight took place in the second week we were offical. It started because I first of all have alot of guy friends or had. I use to hangout with them all the time I don't even have girlfriends! He made me promise to not hang out with them anymore & I tried explaining to him they are just friends! But he is so stubborn and I felt like he wasn't trying to understand. I finally agreed after so much arguing. Then after this incident we would just get into fights at least once every month and they keep getting more intense and worse. He always ends up saying hurtful things calling me degrading names and always say it in a way to infer he doesn't want to be with me. While I'm just trying to talk it out while I'm crying. He doesn't ever let me get my point across and he has this way of always justifying his actions as if he's always right! Then he gets mad at me for crying, I cry because of how defensive he gets and some if the names he calls me they're just a blow to my heart. Cause I respect him enough not to resort to calling him names I just wish he would be more sensitive to my feelings and just talk things out and say he wants to break up with me. Which are so belivable each time I'm always left devasted and broken hearted but he always takes it back after a couple of days when I've been over here thinking it's over and pretends nothing ever happened. I hate getting devasted each time we argue and being left to think it's over, it's bad enough to be broken up with but to go through it each month is ridiculous and wrong in his part. What r your opinions on the situation???

[Sonrisa]

maybe you should consider his feelings before you do anything stupid, this might save you from name calling.

[Hopelessxlover]

I understand why he was mad in our first arguement. But I'm not saying it's what were still arguing about, we argue about other subjects. They have nothing to do with my guy fiends this was already resolved. The point is I'm sitting there trying to listen calmly talk about a disagreement and he just takes everything out of control. I am trying to listen to his feelings but he's not really expressing it by calling me stupid or a bitch or trying to insult me. I'm not cussing at him ever or trying to put him down cause it's all besides the point of the arguement. I just want to deal with the root of the problem and us to communicate and solve it with each other without escalating it even further. I mean I still am with him. I love him and chose to be with him even with our problems. I just want to know how to change this cycle

[Konart]

This guy sounds like a douche if you ask me. I'm a girl myself, and the majority of my friends are guys. In the past, I already risked losing a few close guy friends for my ex boyfriend, and it was the stupidest thing I'd done. I'm not even with that guy anymore. Your boyfriend sounds controlling, and immature. Name calling should have been out the door by middle school. You should dump him, get your guy friends back, and find a dude that'll treat you with love and respect. No more mind games/name calling/silent treatments/guilt trips.

[Mish]

I just want to know how to change this cycle

I'm sorry to hear about your experience hopeless. I don't think you can change this cycle. He has taken all the power away from you in this relationship by not listening to your side of the story, by shutting you out, abusing you, breaking up with you and then taking you back at his own will and time frame. His interaction with you is the one of destruction, he wants to destroy you and any value you have to make you subordinate to him. This behaviour and this cycle will continue because he knows that he always wins in the end and he knows that you are not strong enough to give any credible resistance. There is no way out for you and him here. Proceed at your own risk.

[starbuck]

Doesn't sound like a relationship worth saving to me, especially since the guy sounds like a total asshole. Does he have any redeeming qualities at all? Why are you with a guy like this?

[alovehangoverr]

Sounds like an abusive relationship to me.

He's isolated you from all your friends, degrades you, makes your feelings seem trivial, etc.

You're right, being broken up with is rough-- it should be a one time thing.. not something you have to prevent month to month.

Doesn't sound like this relationship is worth saving.. unless you like being his doormat.