Help me to understand what this means...(sorry its long!)

[bonaj003]

I am the original poster of 'He loves but but doesnt want to be with me...'. He broke up with me just over a week ago. On Monday I decided to speak to him on Fbook...which went well. Really general conversation. I fell ill yesterday (passed out) and somehow my ex found out. He messaged me to see how i was etc and said he was sorry to hear what had happened. After a few messages back and forward I logged on to Facebook and he was online. We got talking, again quite general. I was quite blunt in asking if maybe we could catch up sometime..considering when he ended it he said to keep in touch. He said..and to my surprise said 'im free tomorrow'. So we met up for lunch today, had a few drinks and it was great. He then invited me back to his house. We were sittin on the couch talking...then he kissed me. It was like it was the first time he kissed me 4 years ago...so therefore my hopes were high. Things progressed...and the deed was done..which was incredible. Afterwards....we fell asleep together. Then woke up, he had a shower and invited me in which was kool. Then i got a bit teary because i was overwhelmed....we got talking...i asked him what that meant and he said he wasnt sure. he said he has feelings for me but not in a relationship way. He told me he ended because of all the fights we were having...my theory is that he saw it an easy way out. I then suggested that we spend time together..and maybe try and work out the differences...he said 'I dont no how long it will take me to be able to catch up with u as a friend'...i said 'we just had lunch as friends?' and he was like 'oh yeh fair enough'
I dont no what to think...Im confused because he seemed so eager to kiss me and everything? I want him back so much!!

[t0ri]

Sorry, I'm female, but I JUST went through this cycle so I thought you could use my input. It's not worth it. I know your hopes are high that maybe he'll change his mind and want you back, or that by hanging out/sleeping with him may keep you involved in his life so it feels like you're not totally over.

My hopes were high too. My ex dumped me, then came back three weeks later claiming to work on his "issues" that he brought to the relationship, and we'd just be on a "break" instead of "breakup." So we hung out, slept together, talked on the phone, blah blah blah only for him to DUMP ME AGAIN a month later. (This was 2 and a half weeks ago.) I clung onto any hope that was left, and any scraps that he gave me because I didn't want to let go. It's NOT worth it...you're only prolonging what has to happen at some point - moving on. My guy also told me that he's "still in love with me" but "does not want to be in a relationship right now because of the fighting!"

He's eager to kiss you (and sleep with you) because:

1- he's a man, with a penis
2- it's comfortable and convenient

He obviously cares for you as a person, of course, but he ended your relationship for a reason. He has his mind made up. It's a tough reality to take in, but it's true. I'm sorry! People were telling me these same things when my ex came crawling back, but I wanted to believe otherwise and go along with my hopes of getting back together. It didn't work out. I ended up back at square one - hurt, and dumped, all over again. I learned my lesson, and I'll bet you you'll have to learn it yourself also.

But seriously, cut of contact. Not only is that the ONLY way to move on, but it will show him that you have enough respect for yourself to respect his decision to end things. That goes a longer way than taking what scraps he throws at you and confessing to him that you'd like to try things again. He knows that already, and if he wanted that, he'd take it - but he doesn't.

DO NOT accept being demoted from "girlfriend" to "girl I'll toy with." I accepted it, and got burned. What is meant to be will always find its way! Let him go.

[alovehangoverr]

Do you sleep with all your friends?

If the answer is "no," then knock it off.

This guy has told you more than once that he doesn't want a relationship with you.. sure, to you his actions may say otherwise, but his actions to me say that he was looking for a hookup and you gave him the opportunity.

Trust me, it's easy to fall into old hook up patterns.. it doesn't change the feelings behind it though.

[Tug]

Bona, you have to let this guy go, thats all there is to it. If you do decide to ever see him again under no circumstances should you have sex, if you do you'll be no more than a friend with benefits.

Best of luck

[bonaj003]

We spoke last night and concluded it was a mistake, he mislead me and we should have stopped. I told him that the way it happened, it felt like he had feelings for me so i kept going...i regret that now. My ex is not a 'normal' stereotype person at all...he was once shy and i was the one who pulled him out of his shell...in saying that he is a guy who has told me he has to have feelings for somone to do anything. We have been through so much with each other, i.e he had a compulsive lieing problem in which i helped him with, he was failing at university etc. while speaking last night he said at the moment, he cant see himself getting back with me...i can understand that considering he only ended it a week ago. he still has feelings for me as a person, and physically. I havent got my hopes up but we are still good friends...i no most of you dont agree with the whole friends with ur ex....but we are in a position where after being best friends and lovers for 4 years, we no so much about each other. I still love him, it will take time to move on from those feelings, but we have said we want to stay in touch, see each other to hang out, not let what happened yesterday happen and take things from there.

[Lite]

Uhm, he's used to you, comfortable having you around, is willing to sleep with you but not be in a committed relationship.

It sounds like he wants to keep you on as an amicable **** buddy because he isn't willing to commit.

Save yourself the grief and stop talking to him until he knows what he wants to commit to. Either he's committed to making things work, or he isn't.