Stupid Situation

[littlemiss]

Ok... me and my ex broke up a couple of months ago (he loves me but isn't in love with me... bla bla bla)

Now I love him but I don't want him back in my life on that level at the moment, I agreed with the break up its just odd cos im so much happier but I think I still would like to be with him in a few years or so.

Now I havent been able to do the NC thing as im close to his family and a close relative has been very ill and recently passed away (the relative I am close to as I lived with them for 18 months)

Now I want some time for me (the ex doesn't) and due to having to keep informed on the relative haven't been able to get that. After the funeral I am hoping to get this..... is that me being heartless I don't know but I'm hoping it gets me back on the right track and the ex back on the right life track (I don't want him back in 3 months time, would be nice to hang out as mates but he has alot to sort out and its going to take alot longer than 3 months..... more like 3 years).

I'm planning on a 3 month break from him/settings where I would see him/friends who keep trying to get involved. I think this is the right amount of time.

I know I might lose him but until I want him there is no point chasing him or anything else. The break up could be the fact the relationship didnt work or could be the fact that living with his relatives/no regular money coming in/someone dying) put too much strain on things.

Since we have broken up I now have a permanant job/new place to live with a friend and have a few good goals for the next 6-12 months for my life and to get where I want.
He has sat around at friends and been playing computer games most of the time, still not getting anywhere (main reason I don't want him back anytime soon)

I'm finding it really odd because it doesnt feel over over if that makes sense. I don't want him at the moment, he doesnt benefit my life and I can't support both of us.

All a little bit messed up, help/advice/friends would be appreciated.

Thanks!

[alovehangoverr]

Honestly, it sounds like the relationship is over for good. It seems like you're trying to find a reason for why things changed, and really-- there doesn't have to be one. Some relationships just die.

As for the 3 month time limit-- if I were you, I wouldn't set one. Because that's saying to him that in 3 months you'll contact him again.. and all he has to do is wait. Do you really want him waiting around for something you're not going to be giving him?

The same goes for that whole "I can see us together in a few years," notion. Realistically-- in a "few years," you're likely to be a completely different person.. people grow up a lot. Seriously DO NOT TELL HIM THIS. You're just leaving a door open for him that will also prevent him from moving on.

[littlemiss]

He is the one that doesn't want me (well wants me to be a close friend forever but nothing else) and I'm the one thats realised how unhappy the situation was making me, he still put a smile on my face but with whats happened since just isnt someone I want to be friends with let alone anything else.

We have had to speak due to certain factors, I want a break to get on with things and want him to have a break to see if he can sort things out.

He isn't going to be around waiting for me and he has supposidly already moved on, I don't know how things would be in a few years only time can tell that but I would like to have friendship if nothing else in time when hurt over a number of factors has died down.