Threesomes

[Aeradalia]

Ok.. I know quite a few of the reasons in which a relationship would fail because of this... However, if both were willing to work together... what would be a responsible and logical way to go about incorporating threesomes and possibly swinging into a relationship without consequences so harsh as to destroy the relationship? How would both need to build themselves up as well as the relationship in order to avoid the common pitfalls?

And to answer some possible questions... no I'm not looking for an excuse to cheat... as I am more geared towards the faithful persuasion... This is something both of us want to do... but we'd like to do this later when the relationship is strong enough and stable enough to endure it.

For now.. it's just food for thought... and I'd like to gather as much info as I can...

[Rollerderby]

watch vickychristinabarcelona

drool...

[Mish]

Threesomes are for single people

[starbuck]

Aera, have you ever seen the movie called "The Lifestyle?" It's a pretty interesting documentary on swinging. Don't know if it would be your applicable to your situation, and it's been years since I watched it, but it could be worth renting.

Mish, the people in this documentary were all married.

[Peter Pry]

The only way it will work and be rewarding is if the lines of communication are entirely, completely open between the two of you. If there are absolutely zero barriers to communication, then you can discuss it together. Sit down and decide between the two of you where your combined boundaries are. What kind of third will you pick? How will you pick and agree? What will you do with them? What WON'T you do with them? What is off limits? Will #3 be a one night stand or can it continue longer than that? Can one of you talk to / snog / screw / date / dinner & movie #3 without the other?

Only things that BOTH partners yearn for are in bounds. NEVER, EVER acquiesce to something to "make him happy." Even if you are merely OK with it, it is OUT OF BOUNDS unless you yearn for it.

Set ground rules that cannot be changed when clothes come off. In traditional-relationship-land, there exist societal norms, unspoken expectations that you tacitly have agreed to with each other. Leaving that path, there are no societal expectations (society condemns you, period) and no tacit agreements. Spell out absolutely everything with each other so that there is no possibility of misunderstanding later.

Then talk to each other to remind yourselves of these boundaries before playtime. Have a safeword during playtime in case one of you needs to stop everything right then. Debrief after playtime to make sure everyone is okay.

But most importantly: Enjoy yourselves!

[Rollerderby]

Peter pry is the eminent sage

[misombra]

i thought lite said a lot of wise things about threesomes a couple months ago in some other thread. i'm too lazy to go look for it.

[lesa]

This is something both of us want to do... but we'd like to do this later when the relationship is strong enough and stable enough to endure it.

In my opinion it seems to work better for couples who are not serious about a monogamous relationship. That means if cheating actually occurred these people would tend to stay with you without much fuss anyway. They would forgive because they "love you". Those are the people you want for threesomes. If you feel the relationship is not strong enough and stable enough to endure it, then this is not the person for threesomes, etc. That sounds like you want the person to become so attached to this relationship that if cheating occurred (I know this is not what you are talking about but it works exactly the same), they would have a difficult time of leaving you--because of the strong bond and history. In my opinion, that's not cool. There are plenty of people who would love to have a threesome now and stay for more.

I don’t mean to be offensive. I’m just saying…

[Gribble]

If people are mature and at least semi-sane there's no problem.

Good luck finding a person who is mature and semi-sane, much less two.

[CocoChanel]

Yeah this is tricky. Communication is a "duh" for me... relationships require that anyway. I'm in the middle on this one because I do agree that threesomes are more for single people. But if you're in a relationship I agree with Gribble, finding someone who is open minded and semi-sane.

If there is any insecurity about sex with either one of you... a threesome may not work. They might think one is enjoying sex with the third wheel more than sex with them.

[misombra]

twosomes are better, imo.

[HotDateAdvice]

Threesomes are for single people

I agree with Mishanya. Maybe I'm a bit old-fashioned for my age, but I think that your lover (if you are serious about being with them) should be your one and only lover. Anything less is cheating, not necessarily on them (if they consent they consent, plain and simple), but on the rules of life. What's the point in dedicating your life to someone if you're going to say "Oh, but I also want this person, that chick, and the hot Brazilian down the street"?

Love doesn't work that way. That, my friend, is simply lust.

[Gribble]

I think people are a sorry bunch if they're incapable of loving more than one person. You all can spout all you want about a one true love, a soul mate, a this, a that. Rubbish. I'm more than capable of loving two, three, hell, dozens of people.

Why are your hearts so shriveled and cold?

[Peter Pry]

Peter pry is the eminent sage

*blush*

I agree with Mishanya. Maybe I'm a bit old-fashioned for my age, but I think that your lover (if you are serious about being with them) should be your one and only lover. Anything less is cheating, not necessarily on them (if they consent they consent, plain and simple), but on the rules of life.

Wow. Has anyone ever seen these "rules?" Who made these rules? What obligates anyone to follow them? Especially if they do not suit the way some people love.

What's the point in dedicating your life to someone if you're going to say "Oh, but I also want this person, that chick, and the hot Brazilian down the street"?

Because you deeply respect, admire, and trust that person to the extent that their happiness is necessary for your own.

Love doesn't work that way. That, my friend, is simply lust.

Don't you dare presume to tell anyone the way their own love works. That, my friend, is simply arrogance.

[doppelgaenger]

Swingin will indefinitely **** something up... because by that logic, you as a pair would be seeking someone outside of the relationship to 'use' for sex. Why does it have to be that way though? Why can't you actually have a threesome, and make your relationship among 3 people, instead of between 2? How could that **** anything up? Several members on here claim so much that humans are polygamous by nature... so why can't a 3 person relationship work out?