Is this normal?

[HFXMOM]

I'm involved with a pretty great guy. Here's the problem, not sure what to do with it. He's been single for 2 + years now. Then he met me. He has a child with his ex of 2+ years. No biggie, I have kids too. We are both in our mid 30's. We have been together for 6+ months and have really fallen for one another. Here's my issue (and maybe I'm wrong for thinking it....). He only has his kids every other weekend, and I have mind full time. I don't behave any differently around my children with him or without him. He is the center of my attention (along with my kids) at all times. He knows this. However, when he has his children, he becomes a different man. He's very defensive, very protective (especially with his daughter), and he can not balance. Myself and my children often feel like we are there, but almost like we are interferring with his life for the weekend. Now, when the weekend comes for him to be with his children, there is so much tension that we both end up fighting and parting ways for the weekend. Why is he like this? Or am I asking too much to receive as much as I give?

[Lite]

It sounds like he's not sure how to handle the stresses of 2 families to manage. He gets to see his kids half as often as you do for one, so when he does get to see them he probably feels like he's competing against his ex wife for their attention, affection, and love.

[finnman]

Considering the amount of time he gets to spend with his children, his mindset is naturally divided when he has them. He wants to give his children 100% and he's probably unaware of how it's coming across to you. Talk to him about it "gently" during a time when he doesn't have the kids. Let him know you want to be included and that you want to help him enjoy his time with his children.

[Raze]

Complicated. I think you should ease up on it. It sounds like he's doing his best.

[Pink68]

I would imagine he has not had much experience as a sole care giver and is trying to adjust. Probably trying so hard to compensate as well...not seeing his kids as often. I would relax, doesn't seem like a bad thing.

Maybe when you are alone discuss it with him, tell him you think he is a great dad, and just how you feel, and that you want to be involved in some way and go from there..
Good luck!

[Rollerderby]

I agree with the posters above. He does not have a natural flow when he has his child and it's understandable that he acts a bit differently. Try to understand where he is coming from more, perhaps the break-up was really bad and he can't relax out of fear of what his kid tells her mom when she gets back. It must be tough on him, try talking with him more and use the I feel statements. No finger pointing