Bad day

[Ashbee]

Today is just... one of those days. Do you know what i mean?
Work is crap and stressful ( i work in a nursing home ),I feel bad for not seeing my grandparents more often as they brought me up (i am now 22)but i work 40hours plus a week and i am tierd doing shift work. Im having a hard time with my "father" as he divorced my mum when she was pregnant with me and although he live in the same town of a population of 3,000 we have never actually met only speak on msn messenger which i have tonight. I recently met my brother which is great but just gets me so emotional and i only really talk to him through msn. I just finished with my boyfriend of 2 years and i am really really pining for him and want him back, we are discussing to see if we will work but i am just so confused and he is in spain for 7 weeks working. I have smoked to many cigarettes today and now my head is killing me.And to top it off my period pains are unbearable.

tell me about your bad day

[Bo]

Good god, i'm sorry you had such a terrible day. The only bad thing about my day was working and not being able to enjoy the amazing sunshine outside since we've been getting snowed and then rained on for fcuking months..

[IndiReloaded]

Great vent! This should go in the 'vent' thread section for sure.

[Ashbee]

ops sorry i didnt realise there was a vent section!
yesterdays bad day has carried on to today ,bleh

[Yggdrasil]

Sounds like you're having a lot going on. I suggest: why don't you take those 7 weeks your b/f is gone to reflect on life and do some soul searching about him and all the other stuff that's going on in your life? Even if it's just for a few hours every day, instead of for example say, watching tv for an hour or whatever it is you do when you come home? Or like I say: how about some 'ME' time?

Only a suggestion.

[Ashbee]

i work 40 hours a week which is good because i need to be busy. I find it hard to sit in the house and do nothing... i always need to be kept busy.The minute im alone i get upset and start thinking about how terrible things are at the moment. I just need someone to sit down and listen to all my problems and help me come up with a conclusion. All this is at a very bad time as my bestfriend is going through alot of trouble at the moment to so im trying to support her instead of giving her my problems.

[Yggdrasil]

i work 40 hours a week which is good because i need to be busy. I find it hard to sit in the house and do nothing... i always need to be kept busy.The minute im alone i get upset and start thinking about how terrible things are at the moment. I just need someone to sit down and listen to all my problems and help me come up with a conclusion. All this is at a very bad time as my bestfriend is going through alot of trouble at the moment to so im trying to support her instead of giving her my problems.

Ashbee, I understand what you are saying, but I also hope you understand by putting off reflecting on the situation, that it won't solve the situation. I don't mean to pressure you in any way, but I'd like you to consider the following:

I am quite sure if your best friend is really such a good friend, that he or she (I asume it's a she) will understand that you are in a rough spot yourself now and need some help and advice. Maybe she even can help you sorting through this (which may take her mind for a moment of her problems).

And there are also other options, such as counselors or help lines which are accessible via the phone. I am quite sure if you'd search via a search engine or you browse the phone book, that you'll find a few of those in your area.

I would really find it regretfull if you wouldn't take the time out to put yourself first in this situation (no, that's not selfisch) and get some kind of clearity on all these things.

There are many tools you can use to do so, a notebook to write down your thoughts, simple meditation (reflecting on the situation and trying to see it clear, without judgement or biass), or talking to a counselor or help line.

The bottom line of all this is: the problems (the situation) won't go away by itself.

Maybe you could ask yourself the question: when is enough enough?

Dunno if that helps in any way.

[Ashbee]

thanks,that does help. Well my bestfriend just found out she was pregnant and it was very unexpected,so she has that on her mind and im supporting her through that...everytime i am with her that is all we seem to discuss..which is completely acceptable.
I dont know how to sit down and reflect on my life...i find it so difficult to think of one thing to sort out at a time as i think there are so many things in my life that needs to change. I love my exboyfriend dearly but he has hurt me so much but i want him back to badly but i have 7 weeks to think about that. I guess i will try writing everything down tonight and try see some sense. Everytime i do try and sort things out i end up getting upset and do something to take my mind off of it.

thanks though x

[Yggdrasil]

Ashbee, it's perfectly normal and ok to feel upset and angry about things that make you feel upset and angry. That's normal and healthy. I also understand you are confused about a lot of things. That's quite normal to from what I understand from what's going on. And I am quite sure, that underneath all that, there's even more going on which adds to the anger, frustration and confusion.

I can't teach you how to reflect on life, but I can try to encourage you to do so or at least to try.

I understand that if there are many problems in a given situation, that is can be hard to stay objective and non-judgemental, especialy if matters of the heart are involved.

My suggestion would be to take it one step at a time: to maybe first roughly write down what comes to mind, without the need for correction or review, just let the pen do the work (freewriting). Whenever you need a break from that, take it. Once you feel you have written everything down you had to, take another break.

Then, after a day or so, go through your notes and try to sort them out by problem topic (for example: boyfriend, money, family, work, etc).

Once that's done, attempt, try, to tackle one topic at a time, without having them come all together and overwhelm you.

I don't know if this is good advice, or if this will work for you. I only can suggest.

I wish you good luck with this and hope that you'll be able to take out some time to try this and that it will hopefully lead to some understanding, insight and clarity in your current situation.

[candle23]

Sorry to hear that. Take a day off for yourself!

[IndiReloaded]

Problems don't generally go away by themselves, true. But often they seem less urgent when people train themselves not to *react* to them immediately. A lot of problems come from folks who react to the stress/hormones of a situation as much (or more) than the actual problem.

I once read a rule for getting angry that makes a lot of sense to me. It said that one should wait 48 hours to act on things that make you lose your temper. This cooling off period gives one a chance to think about things and decide just how big of a problem it really is. Of course, if its still a big issue after that time, then obviously its something that needs dealing with. But the delay makes it that much more likely you will be thinking more clearly about the situation, also. Which is another benefit.

[Yggdrasil]

Uh huh, that's why I recommend to reflect on things.

[Ashbee]

I once read a rule for getting angry that makes a lot of sense to me. It said that one should wait 48 hours to act on things that make you lose your temper. This cooling off period gives one a chance to think about things and decide just how big of a problem it really is. Of course, if its still a big issue after that time, then obviously its something that needs dealing with. But the delay makes it that much more likely you will be thinking more clearly about the situation, also. Which is another benefit.

this is so true.When something bad happends it always seems much worse at first..within a few days it either makes you laugh at how angry you were or think it isnt as bad as it seems.
Although most of my problems have been going on for years and iv never found a resolution yet...maybe one day.

[Junket]

My day didn't suck nearly as much as yours.

[Mish]

I feel for you Ashbee. Your situation sounds tough and having bad days makes it a lot harder. Have hope, things will get better for you.