Pursued for over 20yrs

[FatChick]

Help - what a complex situation!!!

In my early 20's I dated a guy. Unfortunately, he had recently split up with another girl who got pregnant while he was dating me. He tried to rekindle that relationship but after two children they separated.

He then went on and had a few more serious relationships until he eventually married a woman with children of her own.

Throughout the last 20+ yrs he has constantly phoned, and more recently texted. He sometimes texts me several times a day. Whenever I wasn't in a relationship we met up for fun times, regardless if he was in a relationship or not. I am now in a permanent partnership and my man friend hangs out with the two of us whenever he can, although he lives several hours drive away. He never brings his wife or family and I have never met them. My partner likes him and knows he still holds a torch for me but jokes that he must have good taste in women. I joke that I have two boyfriends.

I do not want an affair but his constant pressure and continual flattery has made me let my guard down a couple of times resulting in infedelity.

I had a few days off so stayed at a holiday destination for a couple of days this week and he drove all the way to see me and stayed with me. It was the most romantic experience ever and he pushed all the buttons that a woman could possible want - mind, body and soul.

Now I feel like a teenager in love. What do I do now? I have rejected his advances before and there has even been several years where I completely ignore his texts and phonecalls but he has never given up wanting me - or is it the fantasy of me?

Do I get into a full blown affair? Does he really love me? Is it just a long lasting fantasy? I would never trust him sexually since I have actually been the other woman...

BTW My partner is impotent because of a medical condition but I love him anyway and he is my soulmate and best friend.

[IndiReloaded]

Hmm. Well, what do YOU think?

PS - hate your SN, I bet you are beautiful.

[lesa]

What don't you do a menage a trois? Really, what i mean is tell your partner. There's a good chance he will allow it. Asking is certainly better than being a wuss and hiding this fact.

[FatChick]

Sometimes I think that if I was ever to be in a real relationship with this guy then all the everyday things would make it just like any other long term relationship. Not that he is offering.....he seems to be comfortable in his marriage.

Better the devil I know?

It was good just to write it all down as there is no-one I can talk to about this. I am a bit flustered with all the "love" type feelings I'm having but I suppose any woman would with the attention and romance he lavished on me.

I might suggest to him, in a caring way, that if he did the same with his wife then she would fall in love with him all over again and their marriage might take a turn for the better.

I have also been puzzled over the years at his fixation with me. He is a very good looking guy and I've never been the prettiest or skinniest of girls, but I do have a large personality that matches my size!!! Maybe a womans brain really is the most attractive feature?

To all you girls out there looking for love - make men friends and don't look at them as alien creatures. Men are people too! One of those platonic friendships may just blossom into something more...

[Yggdrasil]

BTW My partner is impotent because of a medical condition but I love him anyway and he is my soulmate and best friend.

Get over the fling and stick with your soulmate.

[Indignant]

ygg believes in soulmates?

[Yggdrasil]

ygg believes in soulmates?

Not my words...

[Rollerderby]

I guess I don't understand why this guy never tried to have anything serious with you?

If your partner is impotent, is he against you taking a lover?

[Indignant]

is he really impotent, or you just call him that?

[FatChick]

Yes, he is impotent. He wasn't when I met him but his medical condition has affected both his drive and his physical ability to perform.

But we cuddle a lot.

[IndiReloaded]

Have you considered that if this friend of yours truly cared about you, he would have ended things from his end? He would recognize that your mutual spark might be affecting your ability to have a relationship with a partner who IS free to return your love, freely?

He sounds somewhat selfish to me, based on what you have posted so far.

If your partner is impotent, is he against you taking a lover?

Or they could just get one of these:

[url]http://www.shopwiki.com/Lelo+Gigi+Vibrator+-+Petal+Pink[/url]

[FatChick]

Regardless of the reality of the situation, I'm still basking in the afterglow of the holiday and isn't that the ultimate prize for all you love seekers.

What do you want from love? Security? The feeling of being loved? Mutual flattery (the end of self esteem issues)? Good physical loving? A meeting of minds?

He's got totally under my skin and I feel like a lovestruck teenager, and like any drug, it's always good to feel that initial high again. I will push him away again, but for the moment I am enjoying the feeling.

[Rollerderby]

So enjoy the feeling. You aren't feeling love, you are feeling lust and infatuation. Great chemical highs in the brain, but not love. But enjoy the dopamine rush

[Charlie Boy II]

But we cuddle a lot.

Fat chicks are good for a cuddle.

[alovehangoverr]

If this guy was even remotely serious about you he's had 20 years to make something officially happen.. and hasn't.

Why would he? This guy gets to flirt with you, spend time with you, hook up with you for "fun times," all the while having a marriage and kids.

I'm not sure what you're looking for exactly here-- it sounds like you're a hook up that's lasted quite some time.

If I were you, I'd break contact with this guy.. it's damaging to your current relationship as well as his.