Should I be pissed?

[MaliChan]

Situation is this, me and my fiancée have been house hunting for a couple of months, and got a couple shortlisted, though both are not really ideal. Background, we are from an asian culture, not that traditional, but not so liberal, you get the idea.

So happen there was a viewing near her parents' place and i couldnt make it that night coz i had to work. Was in an appt throughout the evening into the night so couldnt be updated on the viewing til very late at nite.

Thats when i learnt that her dad had put a deposit on the apartment already. Pissed.

1. I wasnt consulted. The price was relatively high, and i feel i should have at least see the apt first.

2. I would want my parents to see the apartment first. The place is relatively far from their place. They wouldnt have minded but i thought it was respectful that their opinion was seeked. Imagine their reactions if they found that their counterparts actually override them.

3. My fiancee says the deposit can be forfeited if i dont like it. NOW the pressure is on me to keep the deposit. If i dont want the place, i incur the wrath of their family (Sure, they say they wont mind losing the money). if i agree to it, the onus is on me to convince my family that they werent being disrespectful and blah blah.

My fiancee is full of praise for the place, as is her parents. Newly done, clean, accessible, blah blah, and the deposit is just so that the agent will not let anybody else view the place, so they say.

I do not mind that area, the price is still manageable. What i am pissed about is the lack of respect for myself and my family. They want the best for their daughter,yes. But am i not the one going to be staying in the place? Now i see the situation as 2 families vs each other.

How can i settle this matter amicably, while i'm still sore over this matter myself.

[Gigabitch]

First of all, ask your dad for advice, if he's not too pissed off to give it. He may understand how to approach the older generation.

Next, go to the agency and see if it's even possible to get the deposit back. If the place is that great, it shouldn't be too much trouble. You can even pull the "my future father-in-law was confused" trick.

It may get you nowhere, but I think it would be a good thing to talk to her father about this. Make it a man thing. Tell him that you want to start out on the right foot with his daughter and be a good husband for her, and as such, you want to be consulted in all matters that concern your new life together.

Don't make it about your parents- her parents are probably competing with them for dominance. What they did sounds pretty underhanded and I'm pretty sure they won't be reasonable, but at least you'll have it out in the open for next time.

Most importantly, though, you have to get this straight with your fiancee. Her parents were put of line, but she was right there. Why didn't she do anything?

[MaliChan]

First of all, ask your dad for advice, if he's not too pissed off to give it. He may understand how to approach the older generation.

Next, go to the agency and see if it's even possible to get the deposit back. If the place is that great, it shouldn't be too much trouble. You can even pull the "my future father-in-law was confused" trick.

It may get you nowhere, but I think it would be a good thing to talk to her father about this. Make it a man thing. Tell him that you want to start out on the right foot with his daughter and be a good husband for her, and as such, you want to be consulted in all matters that concern your new life together.

Don't make it about your parents- her parents are probably competing with them for dominance. What they did sounds pretty underhanded and I'm pretty sure they won't be reasonable, but at least you'll have it out in the open for next time.

Most importantly, though, you have to get this straight with your fiancee. Her parents were put of line, but she was right there. Why didn't she do anything?

standing up to her parents now would be the man thing to do now, but i want to keep the harmony of the 2 families. If i blow this up, no matter how it goes, it will be awkward or even ugly next time. And i dont want to move on without the blessing of both sides.

What I can think of now to maybe solve this situation would be this. I'll definitely have a talk with my fiancee about crossing the line.

I'll arrange a viewing for my parents asap without telling them about the deposit first. If they and myself feels the same way as my fiancee's family about the apt, then good, we can go ahead. If we dont like it, they'll have to give up the deposit, which was the agreement, though i can foresee i will go into a war with my fiancee then.

My fiancee is standing on her parents' side, of coz. The place is near their place, near where she grew up her whole life, its her home ground.

my signature is still needed eventually though. so i'll see how it goes.

[Yggdrasil]

standing up to her parents now would be the man thing to do now, but i want to keep the harmony of the 2 families. If i blow this up, no matter how it goes, it will be awkward or even ugly next time. And i dont want to move on without the blessing of both sides.

What I can think of now to maybe solve this situation would be this. I'll definitely have a talk with my fiancee about crossing the line.

I'll arrange a viewing for my parents asap without telling them about the deposit first. If they and myself feels the same way as my fiancee's family about the apt, then good, we can go ahead. If we dont like it, they'll have to give up the deposit, which was the agreement, though i can foresee i will go into a war with my fiancee then.

My fiancee is standing on her parents' side, of coz. The place is near their place, near where she grew up her whole life, its her home ground.

my signature is still needed eventually though. so i'll see how it goes.

Hmmm.. I have a question: Since she's your fiancee and so... who is going to be married to who? You to your parents and he to his parents or how does that work?

Last time I checked marriage was between two people.. not between two families.

Not sure if you're getting my gist here.

[Indignant]

They have done the best by their daughter. You should be grateful to have parents like that.