Oh Ya... Get This.... Im a Nobody in His Life

[LukaMagnotta]

Ok, so everything is getting alot better with my boyfriend and I. I remember when we first met, how he would constantly ditch me for his friends...we would be sitting in my house and he would get a phone call from them and he would run..... he would spend every damm day at least a few hours with them....I guess I cant blame him, he spent the majority of his life with them. They are " The family he CHOOSE".
I can relate to not having male companions and male influances in my life, I always used to look for male guidance because I have such a messed up father and every male I had in my life I could never connect to.
At least now, eight months later, I am getting through to him. He spends practically every day with me...which I love and im not complaining, however he suggested that we were spending "too much time together and getting on each others nerves". Which I understand.
Now he sees his friends a couple times per week. Same as me.
He did attempt to include me and incorporate me in his life with his friends, however that all backfired when they discovered I was bisexual. Which is not a bad thing....they just are scared of bisexual people. So now I am not permitted to associate with him while he is with his friends.
I just cant get over the fact that.....WHY cant he stand up and say, "Luka is my friend and im chilling with Luka, if YOU GUYS want, then come chill with US" if hi friends really wanted to see him then they'd come chill with US."
However my boyfriend is scared that his buddies will discover thet we are dating and not just friends.

Ok, I can accept the fact that my life ruined any chance of my boyfriend and I associating together with his buddies. I mean, one cant get blood from a stone and force people to like me. However my boyfriend should have made it clear that.....he IS spending his time with me and chilling with me. I dindt expect him to say we were dating, just acknowledge that we are at LEAST friends.

What really bothers me and myabe im knit picking.....who knows? But I feel like I have to express myself and he hates when I talk to anyone about my relationship.....so im talking to this fu&*^ing blog.

Whats my pet peve is.....he can bring all his friends around hie FAMILY. And his family is cool with that......however...I feel like im not good enough to be brought around his cousin and mother.....but his FREINDS are. he constantly brings his friends to his cousins' birthday and out with his cousin....but me..........NEVER. I guess he thinks im to weird of a person or that his cousin wont like me. who the hell knows.

If he were man enough to stand up to everyone and say....." Luka is my friend, if I want him around then too bad for you" THATS what bothers me.....being excluded from his life.

He claims im the most important person in his life besides his mother and yet, he wont even introduce me to his mother......even when she wants to meet me???????? She wanted to come out to the car and see me but he made me drive to the GD Time Hortons around the corner and wait.....then he called a TAXI!!!!!! ....to take him one minute around the corner !!!!! He thinks his mom will discover he is gay...... but WHY WHY WHY can he spend EVERYDAY with his troll friend before he met me and his mom never suspected a thing?????? Did she???? Did she say.... "why are u spending time with ______" NO! But my boyfriend thinks im stupid........ the REAL reason he doesnt want me around his mother is because he thinks I look and act gay.

The real reason he doesnt answer his phone when im around is because he is getting tired of lying to his friends infront of me and telling his friends hes at home when really he's at my home......he sees the look on my face when he has to lie and tell them he's not with me and I tink he's getting fed up with the fact that im getting fed up and confronting him everytime they call.....so thats why he doesnt answer.......

he could just say " Im with my girlfriend" and ocasionally "im with Luka" but he doesnt.
its always "im at home" its offensive and hurtful that im NEVER acknowledged in his life when im SUPPOSED to be so important. THATS why im always upset.....because im never acknowledged. I dont feel appreciated.

I need validation the im important....and im never getting it........ him telling me "i love u and ur important is not enough" I NEED MY BOYFRIEND TO SHOW ME!!!!

Just ONCE...just ONCE i would love for him to say " Im busy and im with Luka" or "No , I cant chill because im chilling with Luka and you all hate him because he's bisexual"

I felt horrible when his friends found out I was bisexual..... Because my own boyfriend who was "scared" made me feel like a piece of crap. He made me feel like I was a disgusting human being for being bisexual..... he told me straight to my face "Im not going to be able to chill with u as often, we have to keep our distance, my life is ruined because of u, my life is over" He tried to take all my sleeping pills to kill himself....he made me feel so bad that I was devistated.

Why cant he say.... Luka, come over to my moms house with me LIKE MY FRIENDS DO and play PS3.....or have some drinks with me in my backyard.... NOOOOOOOO he doesnt....because thats reserved for his friends and im just a dirty little secret. WHO CANT EVEN BE INTORDUCED TO HIS MOTHER AS HIS FRIEND!
Why can his friends go over to his house.......why can HIS mother call HIS friends and meet HIS friends and not me?
....oh I forgot, because his mom knew his friends from way back.....well.....NEW people DO come along. He had plenty of oppertunity to introduce me.

He made me feel like I screwed it all up...well YES, my life is not perfect and I have a past...but he knew it...no fuc*&ing secret. He should stand up and say....."Luka is my friend, he has done alot for me, he is an amazing person and im NOT going to stop talking to him just because YOU hate him cause he is Bisexual"

I really hope oneday one of his fuc*ing retarded friends reads my blog...... READ THIS.
I dont give a damm if you hate me because im bisexual.....go crawl under a ROCK and die because gay and bisexaul people are EVERYWHERE. U cant avoid us.....u may be closed minded and SCARED of us....but that doesnt diminish the fact we DO exist and there is nothing wrong with us.....so I would LOVE for you to come and say to my face what you said behind my back to my boyfriend you COWARDS! All u are right now is immature, wannabe rapper freaks. Who have to prove how cool they are by putting others down......U REALLY think your "friends" are going to have your back in twenty years? LMFAO Life moves on and friends come and go.

Part 2 to Follow

By Luka Magnotta

[LukaMagnotta]

My boyfriend is the niceiest guy in the world and he would be pissed that im writting my thoughts in my BLOG....Dont worry though honey, I never mentioned your name or anything about you, so your friends wont be able to tell who im talking about.

I wonder what your retard friend would think if he actually knew ALL this time that im NOT just a nobody,chaperone, thirdwheel, tag along friend and im REALLY your BOYFRIEND? That would shut the stupid ignorant ugly fool up wouldnt it! I would pay anything to see his face when he figured the truth out.

OH, but wait.....you would have no friends left because they all HATE gay people! They dont really even know you and if they did they would HATE you.....that would hurt wouldnt it? Being hated for something u cant change. Welcome to my life.....people spreading rumors about me all the time, claiming im a "publicity whore"

NEWSFLASH! I am NOT a publicity whore and I cant help whats written about me online....people use my name as THEIR username and impersonate me to make me look bad. Unless you hear it from my own mouth then DONT believe it. I DONT write stuff about me online. WAKE UP! Oh and I DONT hate Family Guy either. Stop being so gullible and thinking that im spamming my name all over the place...I actually have a LIFE! Get real.

Moving on, my boyfriend does show me he loves me by spending his time with me. However i wish I would be acknowledge...EVEN AS A FRIEND to everyone in his life on a CONTINUOUS basis.

I took him out to supper with my mother and I, my sister and I spent time with him and so did my brother.

he claims...." I introduced you to my uncle and cousin" Ok great......your cousin likes me.........however WHY cant that happen with the rest of ur family?????? Stop being so scared.....Ill stand by you if anything happens.

I DO care about your life.....you dont have to come out if you dont feel comfortable....just acknowledge me to other people and SCREW what they say.

Im tired of hearing....."im going out with my cousin for his birthday and my FRIENDS are comming along too, sorry Luka.....u cant come" Ya, well why the hell not? Oh, because his FRIENDS will feel uncomfortable. i forgot....

The reason I REFUSE to bring him around my father is because im waiting for HIM to introduce me to his mother and brother and his sister..... My friend Tony knows my father and I bring Tony around my father....I would gladly bring my BF around my father just as soon as im introduced to his mother and there is NO excuse in the world.

If he cant introduce me as a FRIEND to his mom then there is a HUGE problem.

He is not even allowed to sleep over at my house???? WTF are you kidding me? my own adult boyfriend in his twenties is not ALLOWED to sleep at my house? I have to go to bed everynite ALONE! lol.
Even when his mom is at work....... Ok, he doesnt want to stress her out....but TALK to her and dont ASK, TELL her you are an adult and you have the right to spend the nite out SOMETIMES and not everynite but SOMETIMES.. if she cant understand then you will have to move......im sure she will change her mind once she sees u moving out.

Is having someone next to me such a big thing to ask?????


My entire life I have had my friends try and exclude me and I absolutely hate it....now I just cant handle my boyfriend doing it. it sucks.

I sware on my life... if he was out and everyone knew I was his boyfriend then we would have NO problems and I wouldnt care if he went to timbucktoo with his buddies... and im being HONEST.

So, to my BF if u r reading this........Im sorry that I wrote down my feelings, you were not mentioned and noone can tell who u are so dont get mad at me. I just have to express myself. If I cant to my friend then to WHO? U dont listen to me, u just talk over me and yell at me. Then u sulk and dont want to have a conversation and im left frustrated. GROW UP! i love u so much, otherwise why would I write this?

I just want to know where my life is going.....I dont know and its scaring me. I have no idea where YOU and I will be in a year and it scares me. I need some reassurance and I need some communication and I need some goals for us to work towards...... fair?

I NEED GOALS for US to work towards......

Just remember, I got rid of EVERYONE in my life who YOU told me to.....and it sucks you didnt do the same for me. I guess it was all just TALK. U can talk the best talk of everyone I know, but when it comes time to walk the walk.....your crippled with fear.
You'll have to stand up to your friends at some point wont you... or maybe you never will?

Will we be together, u and me in the future living together uietly just us? I would love that.....but I dont think YOUR life will allow it..... on my end ive bent over backwards and its time for you to do so to.
AND NOT SEEING YOUR FRIENDS EVERYDAY IS NOT NOT NOT NOT A SACRAFICE THATS HUGE. and if you think it is then ur screwed up.....everyone in relatinships makes that sacrafice.....so AGAIN.... its time for YOU to make a sacrafice. Ive made ALOT!


Giving up all my friends
My career( yes I know, and like it or not, it WAS for you)
My lifestyle and being able to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted with financial freedom.
Moving to YOU neighbourhood
Driving you to work everymorning, even when I was dead tired and had the day off.
Bending over backwards to do erronds for you
Taking you to meetings
Having to be forced to sleep with guys when I never wanted to ( because you claim we need to spice up ou relatinship)
Having to wait in the closet with you
Being your dirty little secret
Not being able to spend the night with you.
Knowing that you cheated on me in the beginning.

Yes, you have to live with my life tooooo..

I have a messed up and public past
I was sexually permiscuious
and I cant think of anything else????????????????

Oh ya, we are BOTH gay and you would have to give up having a family!!!! AAWWW would you tell your wife....."I feel bad because I would have to give up MEN?" NO! you wouldnt then DONT tall me youd be giving up a wife and kids because SO WOULD I!

If you love me then that would NEVER even be a thought. Do you want to live a lie your entre life??? I dont think you do....

And dont dare even think that being in a gay relatinship is not normal...IT IS and millions of people are in a gay relationship...you CAN and WILL(if u want) have a NORMAL life with me.... others may not like it, but if they love u then they will except it...if not then screw them.

Lifes what you make it.

Oh and if your retard friends are reading......... GO TO HELL. FAKE FAKE FAKE

[Yggdrasil]

Ok Luka,

You are definitely not in a healthy relation. I see plenty of issues in your post from the both of you.

Yes, it's not just him, you have issues to (like it or not).

I could type all this stuff out again, or I just can say: read some of my posts and decide for yourself.

If you have questions once you read all this (and it's quite a lot), feel free to ask.

[URL="http://www.loveforum.net/ask-female-forum/30626-silent-treatment-advice.html#post459213"]http://www.loveforum.net/ask-female-forum/30626-silent-treatment-advice.html#post459213[/URL]

[URL="http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/30267-he-abusive-what-should-i-do.html#post454174"]http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/30267-he-abusive-what-should-i-do.html#post454174[/URL] (part 1)

[URL="http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/30267-he-abusive-what-should-i-do.html#post454201"]http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/30267-he-abusive-what-should-i-do.html#post454201[/URL] (part 2)

[URL="http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects .htm"]http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects .htm[/URL]

[URL="http://www.womanabuseprevention.com/html/emotional_abuse.html"]http://www.womanabuseprevention.com/html/emotional_abuse.html[/URL]

[URL="http://http://www.abusefacts.com/"]http://http://www.abusefacts.com/[/URL]

[lastwish]

Hey, Luke. I'm not gay but I know how it feels like to be not acknowleged in a relationship. And I do not think there is anything wrong with being gay. But the people around your social circle is certainly very conservative. Your boyfriend is having trouble "coming out of the closet" and who can blame him when his social circle is so homophobic. The issue of him not telling his family about dating you and hiding you from his friends has nothing to do with how much he likes you, I think. Whether he will "come out" or not is his personal decision.

If you think he sincerely likes you then you should have a talk with him. Tell him that if he thinks there is a chance you guys will have a future together, then "coming out" is the rational thing to do because you can't hide it from other people for very long.

[bluesummer]

I think it's wrong that your boyfriend lets his friends hate on you for being bi, when he is the same thing himself. Does he think he's better than you because he's in the closet or something? Yeesh.

I think you need to find someone who's comfortable intheir sexuality and will be happy to bring you to meet friends and family. This guy is a jerk. I'm a straight female, and I wouldn't put up with that from a man, no way. His own insecurities are destroying your relationship, and will continue to do so until he grows up. I think until that happens, you should move on.