This is a little long, but I desperately need help!!! Everything keeps replaying in my mind over and over again....
My ex and I broke up last night. We were together for 2 years and 2 months. He never dated before, but I have. So, I was his first everything. We're both in college, but he recently graduated and is moving to another state in a month to go to Professional school. On the other hand, I won't get my 4-year-degree until next year and will go to medical school after that to whatever state accepts me. We were going to go long distance and wanted everything to work out, and ever since I found out he was moving, our relationship became a bit less stable, but we still loved each other.
Well anyway, this past Sunday, he went to a "going away party" that his friends planned for him. I don't like alcohol, and he always tells me he doesn't like to drink either and he hates the feeling of getting drunk, but he occasional drinks anyway. I'm okay with him drinking if he lets me know he will drink. He told me he wouldn't drink, but he passed out from drinking that night anyway. Of course, I got upset that he basically lied. He called me that night and told me sorry and that he wanted to talk. But I told him I wasn't ready to talk.
Yesterday, we talked and I told him I was still upset/sad and told him why. He constanty said Sorry and it was all his fault and what I say is right. I asked him if he thinks we should seperate, and his response was "I've been thinking we should break up. I don't want to. But I think it's best."
I said, "okay."
He says "Can we still be friends and still talk?"
I eventually ask him why he think it is best that we break it off...
And his response, "The incident on Sunday will happen again. I don't want to put you in that situation again. Plus, I'm moving to Florida and the dsitance isn't going to help. If in the future, I am done with school and we are more stable, we get back together. That's why I want to keep in contact. But if things don't work out, I wish you the best and hope you find someone who will treat you right."
I respond "I feel the same way too about the distance, Eversince I found out you're moving, we became less stable. It may be weird for me to tell you this now, but I still love you and hope it might work out one day. But if you meet someone else, please let me know so I'm not here still waiting."
The conversation goes on and I ask him what his intentions are and if this is a break or a breakUP?
He says, "I don't know, I never dated before. It feels like both. My intentions are to finish optometry school."
So, I tell him "I don't know either, but it seems like a break. Yes, we can be friends and talk. Are we still going to hang out when you visit, or is that weird for you?"
He says, "I still want to hang out, its not weird for me."
We eventually end the conversation and he tells me to text him before I sleep and when I wake up, since he told me he still wants to talk to me on the phone the next day. So this morning, he texts me to let me know he's awake, and I eventually texted him when I wokke up, and he immediately called me and told me he was going to take a nap. Texting/calling each other when we wake up and before we go to bed was something we did during our relationship.
So, I'm so confused. I don't know if he wants to break up completely and move on and date other people. I don't know if he still loves me. I don't know if he's keeping in contact with me so I can be his back up. Or does he really want to wait for me until he's done with school? Am I being blind and missing something? Was it my fault and the way I acted about his drinking party that we broke up? I'm so confused and broken....