I have no idea what's going on

[ecojeanne]

This has come as a surprise feeling to me. I’m completely confused about what I want and who I am recently. Lately family and friends have had babies and settled down. Me of course; I haven’t and have always up till now felt the idea of settling down was like some sort of trap for a man to tell me what to do, I want to be told what to do coz I am so indecisive and yet I don’t want to be told what to do. I don’t want to ‘grow up’ but yet I do want to settle-I never ever thought I would say that. I feel under pressure but I don’t feel under pressure-I can’t explain that. I’m completely irresponsible and footloose and I adore kids and get on very well with them. So trying to think rationally- I want a kid but I wouldn’t be able to look after it, I can barely look after myself and home. Having a mortgage is as responsible as I can get simply because I want to have something I can rely on-having a home. I want a nice guy but I don’t like the men I’ve met so far in my life which makes me think I won’t be happy with any man. I don’t think I should have a kid but I do want to have one. Does any of this make sense to anyone?

[Junket]

You should get more involved with the children your friends and family have. Why do you have to have your own?

Think about it. This way you can get away from them when they annoy the hell out of you, but you can still enjoy their more likable moments.

[Mish]

I want a nice guy but I don’t like the men I’ve met so far in my life which makes me think I won’t be happy with any man.

That feeling is actually very common. Everyone who's single from time to time struggle with that assumption that just because they haven't met the right person yet they never will. I'll tell you when you never will, when you completely give up. Having hope and optimistic outlook for the future could change everything in an instant. Tomorrow you could find that special someone and then instead of thinking how old you are, you'll be thinking if you are still too young to settle down. It's all about the state of mind. Open yourself up to possibilities and get out there. Think about family and settling down once you are in the position to think about it. For now keep those thoughts in the mist where they belong.

[Yggdrasil]

Forget about the peer pressure and do what you feel is right for you.

[vashti]

No one is ever completely ready for kids or men, so I understand your apprehension. You sound normal to me.

[bluesummer]

I totally understand where you're coming from.

I gave up on men awhile back, and was fortunate to meet a good one, although I was very hesitant to get into a relationship again. I've felt for a long time like I WANTED to be married and have a family....someday....when I was bored with my life and there's was nothing else to do BUT. I want kids, but I don't. I don't want to be this responsible adult-type person, and it scares the hell out of me that that's where things have ended up. However, nothing negative has come of it. It's making those changes and embracing the new stages in your life that are the scariest.

[Junket]

Blue...you're knocked up??

[Rollerderby]

Ever heard of the Law of Attraction? It's not just a buncha Hooey Balooey.

"That's right. My baby is just an imaginary creation out of fear and lonliness." Amy Sedaris- Strangers with Candy. (Watching it and thought it was ironic/ funny she just said that)

If you keep telling yourself, you won't do this, and can't do that, negative thoughts will take over. You have to retrain your mind to attract the things you want. If you can experience a fullness of self doing something that is just you, you expand and allow room for others in your life.

[starbuck]

I think you should just do what you want, Eco. You can live an amazing, fufilling life without becoming Suzy Homemaker.

The belief that a woman is happier with a husband and kids is really just as valid as the weight you give it. You may not know the problems underlying someone's marriage and family life. On the surface, everything seems shiny and happy, but inside both partners might be miserable.

If it's something you geniunely want, that's another story. As far as being unfit for the responsibility of raising a child, I think you're being too hard on yourself.

[Lipp]

I don't mind the idea of getting married in a not too distant future (not tied down by the whole "Oh my god, think of all the hot chicks you wont be able to sleep with!1!11"-thing), but as for kids, well, that sets a significant level of being tied down.

So personally, while I don't mind the idea, I wont pursue kids until I feel that I am satisfied with where I'm at and that it feels like it's time to do it. And that probably wont happen until Im in my 30s at least.

[lovesjoyajm]

I don't mind the idea of getting married in a not too distant future (not tied down by the whole "Oh my god, think of all the hot chicks you wont be able to sleep with!1!11"-thing), but as for kids, well, that sets a significant level of being tied down.

So personally, while I don't mind the idea, I wont pursue kids until I feel that I am satisfied with where I'm at and that it feels like it's time to do it. And that probably wont happen until Im in my 30s at least.

Don't start pursuing kids when you're in your 30s, Humbert.



(Sorry, I had to )

[bluesummer]

Blue...you're knocked up??

Hell freakin NO.

[Rollerderby]

personally I never pursue kids, I just let them come to me

[Junket]

Hell freakin NO.

These 2 sentences sounded like you mighta tripped and got pregnant.

I want kids, but I don't. I don't want to be this responsible adult-type person, and it scares the hell out of me that that's where things have ended up.

[Mish]

Hell freakin NO.

She means, we are keeping it a secret