Great 4th at camp

[Bonovox40]

Just an update on how things are going. I went back to the camp to visit Betty on the 4th. On the way "Grandma" called me and told me that Nancy expected me to not be all kissy or do any PDA type activites since the kids are there now. I said that it's no problem. I got there late since I stopped for fireworks. I got a better deal then I did last year, but my friend got the best deal ever. 1 shopping cart for $200, all you can fill in 2 minutes. He went right for the aerial shells and got about $850 worth of them. Damnit! If I knew about that, I would've gone to the same place! Anyway...

Camp was fun, and the kids weren't as bad as I thought. There was only one kid who couldn't communicate at all. Everyone else could talk or had limited speech. Betty had to take care of a boy named Willie in a wheelchair. We had lunch and she fed him and she was happy that I didn't mind that much of the food didn't stay in his mouth. It was a little gross at first but not a problem after a little while. It was sad to see how handicapped they were, but they were always, always smiling and laughing and having fun. I helped wheel him around and joke with him and at one point he was like "Juice! Juice!" and I said "Betty went to go get you some more buddy. Or maybe a cold beer or something..." and then he started going "Beer! I like beer!" lol! Betty was like "How do you know of beer? Did your daddy show you beer?" (he's only 9) he goes "Yeah! I like beer!" and started laughing his ass off and YELLING that for a few minutes. He got scolded by Grandma to stop talking about that. I felt kinda bad that i started him saying that. Anyway, good times. (except for diaper change!) Whew!

Betty was happy that I helped so much and was DYING to just see me again. More later...

[jslaughter]

I was wondering where our update was from you! I'm glad to hear that the weekend went so well and that you and Betty are having fun together. Any word on when you'll see her again?

[Bonovox40]

You know, i've said alot of things about what Betty and I have been experiencing, but it's SOOO hard to put it into words. Like after I arrived, there were lots of people there and she KNEW that we couldn't be all PDA-ish but she ran up and hugged me because she couldn't help it. :-) Later on we made an excuse to go look for some nails to hang up some decorations for a birthday..and we seemed to get lost for about 30 minutes. Thing is, we were lost in a garage if you can believe it. But our eyes were closed for about 28 minutes of the time so that might explain it. hehe. Hey, we can't do public displays of affection, so we resorted to private.

Later on we went up the hill by my car where nobody could really see us when she had a break and the kids were busy. She just hugged me and REALLY hugged me. Have you ever had someone just hug you and not want to let go like it's a dream and if you open your eyes, that person would be gone? That's what it was like for her. She just hugged me and touched me and ran her fingers through my hair and nuzzled my neck with her face and breathed in the smell of my skin and just took in that moment.
Seriously, i've never been with someone who would express THAT much passion for someone, not even on a sexual level. It was amazing. Of course, I didn't just stand there like a dope, I did my own sharing of feelings with my hands, lips and eyes. Just the look in her eyes said enough. We could've gone the whole day and not said a world and known how we felt right there. There's more to say, but I gotta get back to work before I get in trouble. Hope that tides you over for now. ;-)

[jslaughter]

I guess that will do, FOR NOW!

Seriously all I really wanted to hear was a little gushing and know that you are happy!!!! Sounds like a good 4th of July!

[Bonovox40]

Come on, when do I ever gush? SHE'S the one doing the gushing. I just explain how it happened. hehe. ;-)

We did have an hour or so after the kids went to bed where we went to my car and kissed and talked, and kissed some more, and talked and touched, and kissed and....um..stuff that wasn't talking or kissing but was along the same lines as what talking and kissing can lead to if you know what I mean. :-P
It was all good though, nothing TOO fast taking place. We both expressed that we wanted to wait for when it's just her and me and we don't have to be hiding in a car or in a garage or whatever to have fun. Let's just say that we both know we're totally compatible in that way. The great thing is that she WANTS to do the things my ex's never wanted to do because it actually requires MINIMAL effort to do. My ex's were selfish and lazy. You don't know how many times i've done something one sided only to NEVER have the favor returned or even instigated. I never even got an excuse at all! Just like the 328-1 massage statistic. Same thing was the case in the bedroom.
So let's just say she's happy that I like to give as much as receive and i'm the same. She did happen to mention that after a few times of her doing something to her ex, that he said "I don't want you to do that. I think it's dirty." so those times were few and far between. I told her that "He must be frickin crazy. I think HE belongs at this camp!" and she just died and laughed so hard.
The best part was just us both trying so HARD to not take care of each other in the car. We both wanted a little something and we both teased each other quite a bit. It was cool outside but my windows were sure foggy on the inside!

Ok, enough of that. You all get the idea. The most memorable part of the evening was when we said goodbye. Were were alone and we hugged and kissed and said how much we'd miss each other until next week and she just wouldn't let go of me. I wasn't about to push her away but when I relaxed she was still clinging on for dear life. She was worried that i'd have trouble driving home so late and held my face and said "Please be careful, please drive slowly, I just can't lose you now." I told her i'd be fine (I did start nodding off though after about 1 1/2 hours of driving. Yikes! didn't get home till 3 am!) and she walked away....and then ran back and hugged me again..and said "I know, you have to go." and walked away...and then ran back again! and she held my hand and stepped back and just looked into my eyes. She just stood there and smiled. But her hand was holding me so tight that her whole arm was shaking.
She wasn't being all crazy or anything, she just feels that strongly about me. I've NEVER had anyone express ANYTHING that close to me even when times were good with my ex's and they said "Oh, you're everything to me blah blah." and such. I mean, Betty not only says it but she shows it, expresses it, gushes it, breathes it, wills it into existence. If I could bottle and sell this feeling, i'd be a billionare! (but of course i'm too selfish to share what we have together and I think it is only something that should be between us as individuals.) But it would be great if everyone found someone to share something like this with. I hardly remember driving home. I just thought about her the whole way. (until I started passing out) When I got home, I read a letter she wrote me. She stayed up until 2 am one night writing me 3 pages of just thoughts she had to get out. It was very touching and just in her words I could tell how happy she was and how glad she is that i've touched her life this way. She really feels like this could go on forever and that she would be happy if I was her partner in life even though the future is uncertain. She just feels that I am her match in so many ways and that yes, we will have differences and the distance will be hard to get through, she doesn't care as long as she takes that chance with me. Serious stuff.
It makes me feel very humble that someone like me can stir up so many emotions and feelings that a person could change their whole life to share it with me. (not saying it WILL happen, but the idea of is still a big thing) I don't feel afraid or worried like I did with Joy and Robin saying the same things to me and then becoming two-faced because it was all BS.

The other good news is that I found out that Betty is allowed to leave Friday and return Sunday morning. I originally though it was Sat-Sun. And as a bonus, "grandma" is driving about 5 miles from my apartment to stay with some friends so she can drop Betty off to stay with me! She just about did a backflip when I told her that she can stay with me for 2 nights. So, I know we'll have good times ahead for the weekend. :-)
She showed me that she removed her ring that he gave her since I saw her last. She also said that he called her back and asked if she wanted to get back with him. (big surprise right?) She told him "no" (at least she tells me that) and he said that he is planning on moving to Australia forever. (Don't know if he's telling the truth or exaggerating. I guess his "good female friend" wasn't good enough to satisfy him once Betty was gone. Too bad for him. His mistake, his loss. I joked of that to her and she said "I don't know..I don't care though, it doesn't matter now. I've found everything i've ever wanted right here and I won't go back."

[Bonovox40]

Also, I went to the Taste of Chicago on the 3rd. Horrible, horrible weather the whole time except for the fireworks. Slight fogginess didn't hurt it too bad. But just so god awful humid and hot. I passed on the clubbin because I just felt totally drained. Not so much the idea that Betty was worried so much about me, but just because i did not feel like dancing at all! (plus, I wasn't dressed for it)

Betty wrote that letter as mentioned above that night when she knew I was supposed to go out clubbin. She said in it "I don't mean to be jealous and I know you don't deserve for me to feel that way. I just worry about if you meet someone else or some girl flirts with you or has eyes for you and that you will smile or dance with her and forget about how I feel about you. I know it's wrong to think that way because I do not want to be a prison for you. I trust you and believe in you, but I get afraid for how other average american girls are and that they will not care that you love someone. Please forgive me for thinking this way. I only hope that you will be safe and that we can talk again soon. I know that you could feel the same about me when I go back home and wonder if I could be with someone else because you cannot see me and if I did, you would not know. I know who I am, and what I want and I will never hurt you in your life and ever think about being with someone else because me heart belongs to you now, no one else."

That was pretty reassuring to read such words and I feel the same way. I know that I am not that kind of person. The only time I have eer been close to cheating is when I was on the outs with one of my ex's and it was after that she confessed to me that she cheated on me with a married couple and I STILL tried to make it work. But I knew the love was gone then, I just denied it. That was the only time I almost cheated, and I ended up breaking up with her before I went out and fooled around with another girl who became my next ex. :-P Stupid circle of events.

I just truly hope she really is that kind of person who would rather hurt themselves then stoop to cheating on someone who really loves them, and that she loves too.

[jslaughter]

Everything you write about what is happening between you and Betty makes me feel hopeful, see nice guys don't finish last!

[Bonovox40]

I haven't reached the finish line yet Jules! But I have a feeling that if I stick with this one, I just might win the race for a change. I know it'll be a marathon just to make it halfway though to what we want. I hope and pray we have the strength to make it if this is the path I am to take. Time will tell.

[Bonovox40]

Good news! Now she will be getting dropped off near Chicago on Thursday. One more night together now! :-)

[jslaughter]

Whhhhhooooooo Hoooooo! I am very glad to hear your good news and I know that we are in for some mushy posting next Monday!

[Bonovox40]

most likely. lol.

I forgot to mention something. Last night Betty and I were talking, and I just sorta asked her what she would like us to be called, that is, does she want some kinda of title when describing us to others/introducing. She was confused what I meant. I
said "You know, dating, lovers, bf/gf." She was like "Oh, i've always thought of you as my bf since this all happened. Don't you feel that way?" I said "Sure I
do, but I didn't know if you WANTED a title or were comfortable with that. I didn't want to insult you in case you didn't feel..." "Ready?" she said. "Yes,
ready because it's happened quick." We talked a little more about it but today I realized something.

Basically what I asked her would be what an average typical chump would say. Why the hell would I need her permission to call her my gf, or whatever? I know
how she feels, she knows how I feel, I basically just told her "I'm not sure what the deal is because i'm not sure about our feelings. I'm insecure and
wishy-washy."

Why did I do that? I'm happy with her, i'm comfortable with her. Why would I make a big deal about a "title"? I think I was thinking of how it happened with Joy and how she FREAKED when I didn't think of her as my gf, when she thought of me as her
bf. I don't know, it was weird though. I don't think Betty felt weird about it, but I realized I made myself look kinda lame with the "I can't decide for
myself, you need to tell me what to think." type questions.

What do you think? I think I did show I had control with her and that i'm not going to CHANGE to appease her. (like in the car and that she wanted to get me
off and I wanted to do the same, but she KNEW I wanted to wait till we were alone and could do EVERYTHING, and she expressed that interest too...BUT, if I wanted
to get her off right there, she would have let me. I would've gone against my wishes. (ala, the first time I slept with Joy when I wanted to wait, but she wanted me then and now and I gave in against my own wishes.) So I controlled myself and I think she respected me for that. She also mentioned that the first time we met that there was a definate connection but even though there was flirting and innuendo, that there was no way she would've cheated. I was like "Come on, you don't think that if I kissed you that you might have just given in during the heat of the moment?" she goes "No, I could never allow myself to do that when I was still together with him. I would hate myself and feel like I was doing something wrong. The only way you could've done something is if you forced yourself on me."
I really respect her for feeling that way. (not the rape thing, the control herself part) If she really is that in control, then i'm very happy about that.

I still think i'm learning how to enjoy this relationship, but stay being a man at the same time. There's parts of me that want to just swoon all over her and do whatever I can to please her. Can you believe that i've even thought of NOT going to the
academy to be with her? How terrible would that mistake be in my life? I have to remember this: A woman who loves her man will DO ANYTHING to be with
him, even if it's across oceans and such. I shouldn't have to give up my dreams to pursue something with her, even if it's like a dream in itself.

[jslaughter]

I'm so glad that the more you discover about Betty - the more things look like they are going to work out even better than you planned.

Cheering for you