Classmate Mixed Signals

[lostinconfusion]

I'm new to this site but i have this dilemma for 3 years now, so i final thought i'd get some help.

Since i started college there is this guy i've liked. I always end up having classes with him, or being in the same studio space(we are in architecture school so studio is the room we work in). I fell for him freshman year when we were in the same English class because he always joked around with me and made me laugh. back then he had a girlfriend back home who no one thought he'd ever break up with, so i just wanted to be close to him and be his friend, nothing more. but even though he was always friendly with me in class, i could never get past some weird barrier. Like one evening we were both in studio late and i was getting dinner, i asked him if he wanted to come along and he looked really uncomfortable and said he had gotten food not long ago. well i wasn't sure what to make of it, if it was just what he said or something else, but i decided to not make strong moves again for a while. anyways i kept making attempts to be friends but like i said there always seemed some barrier so i thought maybe he's just the kind of guy who doesn't just have female friends, it did seem that way in general. but then in the middle of second year him and his girlfriend broke up and i thought maybe there is a chance for me there. he started hanging out with girls in general and actually became super close friends with one girl who i thought he might like. but after digging around i found out they were just friends and she had another boyfriend. but like i said he did start having just female friends he hangs out with. so i tried again to be friends and create opportunities to hang out, but for one reason or another it never worked out. I kept feeling this block. so finally last semester we got to be in the same design studio, which in architecture school means we were around each other ALL the time. and that good friend of his was also there. i saw the way they always joke around and are so close and so casual. but every time i talked to him, he would be very friendly and sweet but i still felt this wall. at the end of the year my friend had a bbq party and finally we ended up at the same place at the same time. we were all talking in a group about dating and he brought up the fact that he had just broken up with a girl ( no one knew he was even dating) who was a Scorpio and now he was officialy off all Scorpios. well i'm one, and having had a few beers and vodka shots i went of on a rant how he shouldn't reject ppl based on their horoscope and was a bit aggressive i think... on my way home i send him a text message saying " you shouldn't give up on all Scorpios just yet ;-)" ( ps. he knows i'm one) he didn't say anything back and never mentioned it. so this brings me to the end of this long story, or at least the current situation. in the beginning of the summer i would sometimes aim him online and we would have a quick chat but he would ALWAYS have to run 4 minutes into the conversation. and he would say things like " oh since we are both in town for the summer we should def hang out" and he always says that, but he never messages me first and we never actually do hang out. so my point is, even if he doesn't like me why does he put up this weird block when i try being friends with him. why can he hang out and be close to other girls, but seems to avoid being anything other then my classmate. could it be that he has caught on to the fact that i like him and that's why he wants to push me away? i don't know what to think. I'm not very experienced at dating, but i have always been told that i am very attractive by guys, and even though like i said i never get into dating much, i have a million and one guy friends and get along great with then. though i'm no dating expert, i have never had a problem making friends with any guy i wanted to befriends with. please help, i'm so lost.

[CAM]

Maybe he's an old-fashioned guy and he is more turned on by "the chase" than being "chased." I don't think you are applying inordinate pressure on him, but maybe he's shy.

The whole situation...you might just as well as be describing a college friend of mine from dorm days. He was a jock and writer and art student. So, combine those three things and the girls in the dorm were all over him. But, big issue--he was so terribly shy. The more they came on to him, the more he just wanted to be friends. One girl, however, finally sucked him in to her web (so to speak) by getting him to teach her to do long distance jogging.

So, maybe that's an "in" with him. Find out what he's really good at--a sport, perhaps a particular skill in your shared classes. Let him teach you something, perhaps one of those things he's really good at---particularly something that would bring you physically closer together and maybe involve just being together as opposed to in a crowd. I'd bet he'd be a great teacher and that would empower him a bit. And, then you'd have a shared experience as a basis of something more.

I think this is kind of a lost art, what I'm describing above. Many young women are taught to be tough and in competition with the guys. Sometimes, being a bit vulnerable, as is the case of the advice above, makes you more attractive to a man.

[CAM]

And, let's hope that he isn't as big of a dolt as me How many times did nice young college girls in my classes ask me to teach them something or to let me use my computer to type their papers (thus necessitating coming to my room at 10 pm and typing until 2am...most people didn't have computers back then)....and what did I do? Became very professional and efficiently taught them what they wanted to learn or perhaps type their papers really quickly...and send them on their way with a handshake.

Ohh...what a ding-a-ling I was back then (and still am)! Truth be told, if I sensed their interest, my instinct was to run away. It was/is just too much for me to emotionally consider that a woman would like me in that way. Same thing happens in relationships.

Long story short: I hope your guy friend isn't like me, but realize men like me are out there...i.e., emotionally fragile.

[all alone]

maybe hes just not interested, because u had that initial contact when he was dating that girl from back home, he never considered you a dating 'option'. Then when he is single later, he thinks 'oh shes just a friend' and i am not that interested. In that case, he could still be friendly.

However maybe by coming on to him you have scared him into not wanting to lead you on. He could see your signs of friendship or attempting to establish so as you trying to get with him.

i could be way off, but just a thought to consider.