Sex? whoa...

[alwaysjustin]

Okay... I've tried to write something perfect... just to show the way I feel, and it never comes out right... I'm just going to tell everyone this really quick, and really loud.

Dating 2 months. Best friends before dating. I said "I don't want to have sex. I when I have sex, I want it to be the best person in the world... someone I'm in love with, and it's gotta be special.
so... she says the same thing to me.

NOW.
She is very, very, very special. She is the best. I'm in love with with her.

I think I MIGHT be getting these "wait til later" things just to please me... Like she says them just to let me feel like I don't have to pressured in to doing it... get me?

I want to know what she really thinks... but I don't know how to ask without being... pressurey (uhh... yeah, pressurey)

Maybe we feel the same right now, and we'll never know because we're scared of letting the other person feel uncomfortable?

okay... like... we use to joke about "doing it", and one day she said "Lets not joke about this, because one day we might really mean it"

That's where we're at... uhhh.

How do I get to know what she wants...

I feel like I'm leaving things out... You can fill in the blanks, if you've been in this situation, I'm sure. Please help me!

[CR's Baby Girl]

my guy and i were in the situation recently. i have always said that i want to wait until i am out of high school no matter how in love i am with the guy and no matter how much i want it. he on the other hand came to a point where he feels he is ready and wants it but didnt know how i felt about it yet. we were just talking one night and a joke came up about sex. i said yeah well that wont be happening for a while. that is when he got a more serious attuide rather than playful and asked me how long a while is. i explained what i felt and that is when he told me that he thinks he is ready now. we then discussed it in great detail. there was no pressure b/c i was ready but i thought i had to wait until i was out of high school or i would lose my best friend b/c we had made a promise to one another. but he made me realize that if she is as good of a friend as i think she is that she would understand. we have now spent almost 2 months discussing anything and everything we can think of that has to do with sex and what we want (ie..condoms, birth control, what to do if i get pregnant). i would suggest finding a time where you two can just sit down and have a serious discussion about it and how she feels and how you feel. hope that helps.

[daletom]

What SHE wants, and what YOU want, and what's really best for EITHER of you may be very different things. If she really cares for you she wants to know that you find her attractive and desireable (and vice versa, I'm sure) but that doesn't mean you should be jumping into bed with each other.

A variety of reasons could be at work here, but the two of you need to find out what they are. Is it things like circumstances ("I don't want to start having sex until I'm out of school and working."), or beliefs ("I don't want to have sex until I'm married, or at least engaged.") or nebulous feelings ("I'll just know when I'm ready."). The two of you should try to figure out what sex means to each other - anything from a pleasant activity that two people can enjoy together, like tennis; up to a sacred act reserved for the creation of children by married (to each other) people. You also need to address the matter of exclusivity: do either of you expect or hope to have only one sex partner in your lifetime, or only one over extended periods of time, or only one when the other is present, or ????

When you know and understand each others' conditions and limits you'll have a better idea of when it's the "right" time. And please respect each others' conditions and limits - if one of you says, for instance, "Not until I'm out of school." then don't be trying to accelerate things. Respecting the stated limits will make it easier for both parties to change their minds if they decide to. Find out what's acceptable NOW - there are a lot of ways short of intercourse to give physical pleasure and show affection.

[Exodus]

I guess I'm a person of spontaneity(sp). I like to just do stuff and see the reaction I get, and then know what the right course of action is. But some things you do need to talk about. If you've talked about how you didn't want to before, then you should talk to see if thats what you both want. It's kinda tricky.

[Saber]

IMO the best thing to do is sit down with them and have an open adult converation about everything. Find out what you both want and work though it together.