Does it really not last the second time around?

[lostforever]

I'm not sure if this is the right catagory to post this but here goes.

The only woman I'll ever really love just got back with her ex boyfriend after leaving him 13 years ago. they've been talking for only a month and she's moving in with him at the end of the month. It's literally destroying me.

We are best friends and she told me she wasnt ready for a relatoinship right now but we'd see what happens when she was ready, and now this happned. I have a feeling it's because of financial problems because she really didn't want anything to do with him when he found out she was back in town.

I've been told these things don't last the second time around by many people, but I just really need to know. Right now I can't even breathe it hurts so bad.

So does anyone think they will last? Does it matter who's fault the break up was? What about the time apart and how quickly they got back together after the time apart?

[Cybog]

So does anyone think they will last?

No, it won't. It never does. Old habits die hard....water under the bridge...insert old cliche here.

Dude, here's the problem. You fell in love with her, and all she wanted was "to be friends". Once you enter that twisted sick realm of relationships with any woman, there is no escape. Abandon all hope ye who enters here. It aint gonna happen. Not now, not ever. And if Jesus himself came down and made it so, it wouldnt last. Chicks know right away if its someone they can fall in love with, and generally make their decision within the first few months of knowing you whether or not its ever going to happen.

Sadly my friend, you are living a pipe dream. Once a woman tells you "Not right now", that translates into guy talk as: "No chance, buckwheat."

Most likely, this little romp through old times will pass soon enough, until either he winds up beating her again or runs out of cash, and then she will come running back to you for her "friendly support". Now, like a chump, most guys will take that as an opportunity and try to get in them pants. Don't do it, for all that is holy....dont do it. It would be the most absolute worst time to try anything resembling a relationship.

Does it matter who's fault the break up was?

No, it never does. This too, will pass, my son. You heard it here first.

What about the time apart and how quickly they got back together after the time apart?

This is all irrelivent. For guys, we pine over women for years and when we get that little fancy everynow and then, we forget time has passed. For insecure women who move in with ex's 1 month later, they fantasize about "The good ol' days" all the time.

My advice? Assume the friend role, because even though you aren't gonna like it, its all you're gonna get. Play the nice guy when they split, laugh at her jokes, but this is never going to go anywhere else than you and her being friends. The sooner you realize this, the easier your life will be, and you can move on to other women out there.

[PandaCivic]

i'll have to agree, i don't think it lasts once you break up with someone the first time. the reasons why people get back together are stupid. some end up getting together for financial reasons, others get back together because there's nothing out there, others just get back together cuz they know they ugly and can't get anybody else. it's all the same boo shit. i hate it.

[swimmingNreverie]

nah, my parents broke up three times before they got married. Different reasons, a lot of it being because my dad wasn't mature enough, and didn't appreciate my mom. One time they didn't talk for 5 months, then saw each other in the library, and he asked her back out.
Now they've been happily married for a good amount of time now. I hear a lot of stories like that. Now, there are a lot of relationships that don't work the second time around, but like Panda mentioned, thats only if the intentions and reasons are all wrong.

With your friend, she probably never really lost the feelings for her ex, and thats why she could so easily jump back into a relationship with him. I'm sorry you're suffering through this, but basically you just need to wait it out and figure out what THEIR scenario is, because every relationship and every couple is different

[blue_moon2]

everyones different. getting together second time round doesnt usually work though. you have to have the right type of people together. some people are just made for each other. some people just put up with the other person because its 2 much hassle to find someone else.

its just depsnds on the people involved.

[Illusional]

basically i think that it will come down to the fact of changing. if both of them realize that they have changed for the better, then there is a possibility that they will end up better than the first time around. if nothing about them has really changed, then it's destined for doom. raverboy

[thenew]

i agree with illusional - a relationship is built on growth. sometimes its the right person but wrong time. if they can bring more to the relationship than what they had they may last. love is full of what if's and maybe's.

lostforever,
change your name to "livingforme" and start doing it.

[swimmingNreverie]

change your name to "livingforme" and start doing it.

thats good advice
and something that i've realized about myself lately. Your happiness shouldn't depend on whether or not you're in a relationship. First you have to love yourself, and then I think you can fully love someone else.

But hey, its hard. I'm still trying to do this