Confused. Does ex boyfriend want more than friendship?

[Greentrees]

Hi
Thanks for reading this, I'm new to this site.

About 6 weeks ago my ex boyfriend finished with me. He didn't like the way I had reacted with something. I have fully admitted that it was really out of character of me on how I spoke to him/had reacted but basically I had felt confused as he had looked really guilty about something which I quizzed him on as I wasn't sure whether to believe him or not. It really came down to just not knowing each other for too long (only about 6 weeks). He said he felt shocked and then said alot of hurtful things back to me, which on reflection I felt was far worse than how I had initially reacted. He was quite critical of me and quite insulting saying things i.e. he wanted to meet a Catholic girl and one who was younger than me, that I wasn't the girl for him, also that he wasn't ready for commitment and that he was thinking of moving abroad to work, and that he only fancied me to an extent!! I felt devestated as he hadn't been honest with me about any of these things and had said earlier that he wasn't afraid of commitment! I had even apologised to him a few times but it made no difference. I felt very guilty and blamed myself alot for what had happened and that he had got the wrong impression of me.

We had got on very well up to then and there was alot of chemistry between us. Unfortunately I didn't keep to the no contact rule and a week later I sent him a text telling him how genuinely sorry I was and also an email as I felt upset about his change of heart as it was just out of the blue. He called a few days later and said that he wanted to be friends and that we could meet up soon. Said that he had no grudges and that things had been "fun"! - Well that certainly made me feel better! He confessed that he only partly meant everything that he had said to me before. I felt that maybe he was still annoyed with me so I sent him another email (yes I know!) explaining myself about what I think had happened etc as I felt he hadn't given me the chance to talk to him properly on the phone. It was quite a jovial email to help cheer him up. He later admitted that he enjoyed reading it.

He text to say that he would like to be friends and about two weeks later (about 1.5 weeks ago) we met up for a friendly coffee. I felt very nervous and it was quite awkward at first but soon we relaxed and surprisingly got on quite well considering everything that we had said to each other previously! Neither of us mentioned anything that had happened, we mostly just had fun and enjoyed each other's company and were quite playful and teased each other. It felt good and we had a pleasant afternoon. Things ended on a good note when we said goodbye and we even flirted a little. He looked genuinely happy. He said that it would be good to meet up again but I haven't heard from him since meeting up 1.5 weeks ago. Should I contact him? I had last initiated contact with him to meet up last time and I know that friendship should be equal but I just don't know what to do or think. I am even thinking that he may have met someone else as when he was keen at the start and was actively persuing me when we met. I know things are different now but I would like it for us to get back together (we haven't discussed it) but I am afraid of being rejected again. I am wondering whether he may be thinking it isn't a good idea to meet again or if he's playing games waiting to see if I will contact him first. This experience has left me feeling quite depressed and has affected my self esteem alot. He is going on holiday in about 2 weeks. Does anyone have any advice? Thank you.

[WHUDAFUXUP]

Move on. Don't suck up to him hoping it's going to be a fairytale; forever and ever. Find someone else girl, he's probably doing his own thing and leaving his options open.

[Greentrees]

Thanks for your advice. I did actually contact my ex bf the other day by text (nearly 2 wks after last meeting up to catch up) and told him that I enjoyed meeting up with him recently and I flirted in it a little. He replied with short message just telling me he liked the flirty text (but didnt flirt back) that I sent and telling me what he had been doing that evening. I sent another txt the following day saying that I was glad he liked my text and asked him if he'd like to meet up again soon.
He replied by txt Saturday morning (yesterday) saying that he would be delighted to meet up again next weekend. I replied yesterday and said that was fine and asked him if next Saturday would be ok but he has not replied (it is now Sunday late night). Is he playing head games or am I just being impatient? He said he would be delighted to meet up again which is a nice thing to say so I am taking it that he does deffinitely want to meet, but its weird that he hasnt replied when I've asked him what day i.e. Sat. He normally has replied to texts in the past quite quickly or the next day.

I know that he thinks we're just friends and I confess I would like us to get back to how things were. He may be sensing this from me although I've never mentioned it. I really hope he doesn't blow me out as I already feel so hurt that he rejected be before. I can't help but think he may have met someone else, its really confusing. We last dated around 7 weeks ago and I have tried to fix things by text/email (not continuously) just contact once a week. I know I have probably over done things but that was because I felt so guilty about the break up and needed to explain myself and apologise. Its left me feeling devesated that he just wants friendship. I feel so stuck and unable to move on. I miss him alot, being close together it's so painful. I am nearly 40 and I feel like I'm someone who is struggling to get over their first boyfriend! I've not been myself since he dumped me, just feel heartbroken that he's not wanted to try things again. I am constantly beating myself up on how I had reacted in the first place. we hadnt known each other long, I acted out of character over something and I think he thinks I may act like that all the time but I really don't. I was just feeling really confused about living arrangements he has and a phone call he received one morning, it sounded like another woman - it was - an old aunt who he lives with a few times a week who was asking him on phone to do some chores for her. Basically me and him moved to fast into the relationship before I knew all the facts properly. Since then I have heard his old aunt on the phone - she is very old! I know trust needs to be built up over time but unfortunately I warned him about that he had better not be seeing anyone else. Things would confuse me because he would show up meeting me sometimes with an overnight bag!! Most women wouldnt know what to think at first or maybe have a few suspicions. He did put my mind at rest but I just didnt know what to fully believe. Just wish more time had passed so that my trust would have built up before I reacted the way I did. I didnt actually acuse him of anything but just warned him but he just felt shocked. I felt really awful! We had got on so well and there was alot of chemistry. It's been so frustrating....

[GoldenNickel22]

I agree. THis man has been a jerk to you - he is the one who overreacted to your reaction, and I wouldn't even apologize to him -- didn't he already make you feel crappy by yelling at you for it? And can you imagine what kind of reaction you'll get from him down the road - if he can't keep composed/hold back in the beginning of a relationship, when he is suppose to be on his best behavior? I would have dumped him LONG ago. Forget about him. Tell him you've found someone else and there's no time to "be friends" (which is a lame excuse to get back with you. not cute!)