She left me, trying to figure out how to get her back

[dpacific23]

Hey guys, I'm new to this whole airing my personal feelings out but I need to do something right now to see If I can get some sanity back.

We went out for 5 years. She is an amazing person. About 3 years ago I began to feel sick with stomach maladies. Slowly I began to sink into depression and unfortunately I let it control me. The past month or two I finally began to regain my composure and get past the sickness, and to further my career and emotional state.

Unfortunately It was too late. She had fought for too long and I guess she lost admiration for me.

I whole wholeheartedly believe that she is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I never had a doubt, but I didn't show her enough.

It's been pretty cordial after the breakup two weeks ago and I only contacted her once to see how she was doing.

What can I do. I'm fighting to be successful and healthy right but I feel like I owe her so much for everything that she did for me and its hard to accept that right now I can't make her proud.

Any Advice?
Thanks in advance for your input guys.

[Yggdrasil]

You want to be with someone because you OWE her something?

[Graham Berkeley]

Simple answer: Your F**ked. She left because you weren't a man in her eyes and now chasing her only makes you further disparate looking and emotionally damaged. She doesn't want that. She is cordial to you because she is done and doesn't see you as a mate any longer.

Can you get her back? Possibly but it typically only works if you have some sort of life altering 360 degree turn around and become rich and successful. Wont happen over night and if it happens at all you wont want her back.

FYI- most of us have been in your shoes before. It sucks.

[dpacific23]

I don't want her back because I owe her, I love her but I managed to become less of a person than I was because of an illness.

I guess I am just looking for some general help in ways to regain that love. I am working hard on my self but I'd rather not make any mistakes when it comes to regaining that attraction.

I know it's not easy, but there has to be things that I can do, even if not right now, to win her back somehow.

Thanks for the advice

[soulsurvivor23]

Sorry to say this in such a blunt manor, but when love is gone, it's gone. You can't force your way back into someone's heart if they don't want you there. That said, I personally think that the best thing to do is to explain to her what you just said here, ask her if any part of her still loves you or would consider being with you... and if so then ask her what you would need to do to regain that lost relationship. If she says that she does and that there's something you can do, great, you do it. If she says that there's not and that she doesn't love you like that anymore, then it's over... and you'll just have to move on.

[Yggdrasil]

I don't want her back because I owe her, I love her but I managed to become less of a person than I was because of an illness.

I guess I am just looking for some general help in ways to regain that love. I am working hard on my self but I'd rather not make any mistakes when it comes to regaining that attraction.

I know it's not easy, but there has to be things that I can do, even if not right now, to win her back somehow.

Thanks for the advice

My advice: stop living in the past and stop trying to get her back.

Those things are beyond your control.

You can not make her love you, you can not force her to love you and you can't make her come back. That's not how it works.

The choice is hers, not yours.

So again, my advice: stop living in the past and stop trying to get her back. Accept the relation is over.

It suxx, it's shitty, it's heartbreaking, it's devastating, it's crappy, it's emotionaly exhausting, but the longer you fight it, the more you're going to hurt yourself.