What is she doing? Am i being used?

[will2992]

Firstly you guys may want to read my past thread here:
[url]http://www.loveforum.net/broken-hearts-forum/31686-shes-gone-but-i-want-her-back.html[/url]

But if you don't i shall put it into bullet points
1, Met this girl a year ago, both just split up, started going out. REALLY GOOD.
2, Few months later started testing me by pretending to be other girls online/via text. I passed.
3, Few weeks back she found some OLD messages from my ex and this girl i slept with (all before her). Giving them my new number, all innocent.
4, She flipped, thinks i cheated and we split. Finally believes i didn't cheat, but still can't trust me.
5, Since the split, she has now hooked up with someone else.

So the story begins here...
Yesterday i received a text saying she misses me etc. After a few texts we arranged to meet up to talk about stuff. I went to hers after work and we started talking. Turns out she had slept with the other guy for the first time, to try "forget" about me. But during the whole time she felt dirty and just thought of me all the time. Said it was horrible and worst sex she's had.

My heart sank (as you'd expect) but i love the girl so much and i'm mature enough to let it go (kind of). So we talked some more about her feelings, and she said she missed me because i made her feel so safe when we made love. We then went out for the evening, i had to be kept a secret though as she shouldn't be seeing me apparently. Then after the nice night out at the arcades playing on silly dance machines and that i was going to take her home. But she then said she wanted to come back to mine.

So we came back to mine, and didn't mention any of our feelings anymore. Just watched some tv and played on the internet. Then she said she wanted to stay. And within 10 minutes was in her underwear laying in my bed with me....

As if you lot need the details, one thing led to another. She asked for it, i didn't start anything, alllll her. After she said she felt a little guilty but didn't regret it. We cuddled all night and she said she felt safe again. But she still not sure if we can be together again...

What is she doing sleeping with someone else while saying she loves me? And then sleeping with me?

Was i stupid to let it happen? Was i just being used because the sex with him was rubbish?

I took her home next day but haven't heard from her since, want her back with me as she's all i want. This has totally screwed my head up now!

[Graham Berkeley]

Shes nuts drop her. No adult woman would "test" you by acting like other girls if she was right in the head. Her trust issues are her problem not yours and by playing along with her games only makes you look foolish.

[Asip4u]

Sounds like she likes a lot of drama, has trust issues...anyways, you know what to do...

[will2992]

I know and i did think she was kind of mental at the start. But after a while she became normal, no longer tried to test me and just began to trust me. I love the girl to bits i just don't know if i can wait around to then hear her say "i slept with someone else again, to try forget about you"

I am a complete mug for this girl and i really wish i wasn't as its killing me

[Thelovedoctor]

you got a drama queen, and she's addicted to ****ed, drama-inducing situations that are going to leave you hurt in the end.

trust issue? heh..hardly that. if she had a trust issue, she wouldn't go bang this other random douchebag just to "forget" you, because she wouldn't trust him, either. She is just doing it as a free ride to **** mr douchebag and stir up drama, where she is the star of it.

it's nothing you did. just dump miss drama queen, and find a girl that is right in the head. girls like that don't want stability. They just want to create drama to satisfy some sick, twisted mental impulse they have, and just want you to play along as an actor in it.

just tell her to get the **** out, and maybe even consider a restraining order, so if she does try to come back and cause drama, little miss drama queen will be thrown in jail, to be the new girlfriend of lesbo lizzy.

just try to cause your drama in an 8 by 8 cell, paired with with an angry inmate. lol I dare ya!

[will2992]

Haha that did make me laugh but she isn't as bad as that i assure you.
She's just had a hard life trusting men. All of her ex's haven't been the nicest, her dad hasn't been there for her all the time and she finds it hard to accept when someone is generally just looking out for her, but instead thinks they are just being nosey. Then she gets angry. She's calmed down ALOT since we got together and has become such a nice girl. But all this has made her become her old self, because of the people she is hanging around with.

I just want the old her back so we can rekindle this love that is so obviously there...

[soulsurvivor23]

Holy shit, wow that sounds like a guy move that she pulled!

[will2992]

Yea thats what i'm thinking. She's really stressed at the moment (or so she says) and i do believe her. But when she says she is cooling it off with this other guy, yet has been with him past 2 days and nights its hard to believe
We've arranged to go out monday night together and hoping for kind of the same result (minus the sex) as it may show her again how much i feel for her.

[Yggdrasil]

Why would you bother with a person who has so many issues? Insecure, low self esteem, trust issues.

Don't you think you deserve better than her?

Read up on negative reinforcement to understand how you are enabling her behaviour.

[Molten Steel]

@Guys: When it comes to love it just doesn't work calling your partner trash and walking away that easily.

My ex is disabled, separated, a mom, smoker, etc. but I was into her because there are qualities I can't find from anyone else.

Just because she has a few problems doesn't mean she's trash. If he loved her because she was being herself then there must be something serious and binding in it.


My previous ex was almost flawless: young, smart, good looking, sweet and caring. But I realized I couldn't be in a serious relationship with her because I couldn't find what I need from a woman.


Some of you might think I'm a melodramatic wacko who seeks troubles to satiate the twisted dramatic desires. It's fine by me, though I wouldn't call myself so. I'd say I do prefer stability and longevity in a relationship. What I've learned about being happy is, love is about being with your right opposite, not with the perfect one. Those who can't learn to forgive can never learn the true meaning of happiness. And knowing what can be forgiven wouldn't make you a fool .


@Will: I say yeah, like you told me let's time be the judge for all of this. Try the best to do what you can, so you won't regret it once the worst thing might happen.

[will2992]

Thank you Jason, we seem to understand each other very well. Sure she isn't 100% perfect, no one is though. And its was her inner qualities that i adored, the one's no one but me knew about. I know it sounds kind of two faced, but she was a completely different person when it was just us two together. She showed me how to love a person, how to care for someone and she gave me all her love and care aswell.

Time is the only judge now as i have thrown all my cards on the table and she has seen them. We are still friends and nothing anyone can say will change my views on that. I need her in my life as she knows so much about me and i feel we are soul mates. I just have to be there for her when she is upset and try not to get my own feelings for her in the way of it all. And just hope and pray one day we can be reunited.

[Yggdrasil]

All right.. appearantly you guys both need me to draw a picture.

You both seem to fall for partners with issues. Now I am not saying that we are all without issues, don't get me wrong.

What I am saying is: you both can do better. The problem with your partner starts with you yourself, due to the CHOICE you made to take this person as a partner.

Jason for example is on relation number what? 3?

Why don't those relations last? What's the common denominator?

Right.. YOU.

That's where you have to start looking.

Am I making sense with this?

[will2992]

All right.. appearantly you guys both need me to draw a picture.

You both seem to fall for partners with issues. Now I am not saying that we are all without issues, don't get me wrong.

What I am saying is: you both can do better. The problem with your partner starts with you yourself, due to the CHOICE you made to take this person as a partner.

Jason for example is on relation number what? 3?

Why don't those relations last? What's the common denominator?

Right.. YOU.

That's where you have to start looking.

Am I making sense with this?

I understand exactly what you are saying. And all my past relationships have finished due to myself. And i have looked into that so many times and have changed. Everyone around me and my gf at the time were saying how differently i treated her and acted around her compared to old gfs. That is why i am confused about this ending so abruptly.

I'm beginning to realise that being single is for the best, to get my head around things and to understand women a bit better (if thats even possible?)

[Molten Steel]

@Will: If there's no other choice then there's no choice. Being a single man does bring benefits. I think the reason why most of us get stuck with breakups is that we tend to dedicate too much for our inner self to find balance.

I truly loved my ex but I also had a good time being single before that. Honestly I think you're the healthiest when you're single. That's when your pride and dignity are strong enough for your judgment to work. And only when your judgment work properly can you decide if a girl is right for you.

And of course I'm not saying just shoo your relationship away when it gets worse. Even the right one for you won't be right sometimes, but it's the long term that counts.




@Yggdrasil: Yes I'm young and inexperienced. Though honestly I'm a bit picky and self-centered, and I would never let someone get close to me if I think she doesn't deserve. Like I said, I didn't fall for my ex because of her troubles. It's the other side that I was into, and it outweighs the aforementioned troubles.


And yes, why my relationships didn't last is completely because of me, but not like what you meant. I never thought accepting her as my partner is the fault; I think it's the way I treated her after that, because to be fair, she gave to me a lot more than I ever did to her, and I paid for my negligence.


I think I almost got over with the pain, and I still respect her, as a good friend. I'm only trying to tell Will not to repeat my mistake.

[will2992]

Love is a very strange thing, and like you Jason i think i have paid for my negligence. Maybe i didn't show her all the attention she deserved, maybe i didn't listen to her problems enough. I don't know, but i know i cannot live in the past with all these questions. All that matters is my health and her safety to be honest.

But the question still remains, was she just using me for sex when she came round? And if the issue arrives again how should i address it?

The adult in me says to talk about it, IF it happened again. But the horny teenager says to just do it as it's no strings sex, VERY good sex and will stab the other guy in the back...