new kid on the block having man problems

[vivian]

Hi
I've joined this forum because I'm having problems with my bf and I need some help because I don't know who to speak to.
I'm 25, we've almost been dating 3 years (he's my first "proper" bf).

I've been having issues with him for a while. About 6mnths into the r-ship he cheated on me with his cousin (so I forgave him for it because he was disgusted what he did and drunk at the time).
Twice he's been drunk and flashed himself at girls - which he's told me. He doesn't drink often but when he does he usually does something stupid.

I've tried to break up with him about 5 times throughout our r/ship - each time we both just end up crying and then get back together.

I think I love him. I tell him I love him. He tells me he loves me. I don't trust him. We haven't had sex in forever (he blames his antidepressants).

He's a very closed person that doesn't talk about his feelings much. I'm a very open book that wears my heart on my sleeve - I'm not sure if I'm with the right person. He's usually quite grumpy - but when he's nice we're very happy and we have fun.

What do you suggest I do?
How would I start to talk to him?
I know I can't change him.

He's leaving to go o/seas for two weeks soon - I'm expecting he will cheat on me or similar. I don't know what to do. I'm always worrying and expecting the worst.

I know all signs say to dump him. How do I do it? When do I do it? I've never done this before and I love him.

[Gigabitch]

Well, you could wait for him to do something really awful while he's away to give you the bump you need to break up with him. I would tell you to just do it now, but it doesn't sound like you have what it takes to do that.

Look, you know this relationship is doomed. It's just a matter of when.

[Mish]

I know all signs say to dump him. How do I do it? When do I do it? I've never done this before and I love him.

Do it now. Tell him you don't trust him anymore and there is nothing he can do to repair that trust that he's broken over and over again. Tell him that you can't be in a relationship without trust and then initiate no contact. Don't talk to him in any way shape or form. It will be very difficult for the first couple of weeks, but it will get easier with time.

[vivian]

Thanks guys... it's almost like a rollercoaster ride with us - things are really really great for a while, then they suck... and then they go good again... I think you're right GigaBitch - I don't have what it takes and I am waiting for that "awful something" to happen so it gives me that final bump to pluck up the courage.

At the moment I'm happy with life. I do what I want when I want, and I just happen to be in an unusual relationship that i cannot define.

Will keep you posted